Chapter 4
Fear of Happiness (1)
After unwrapping the bandage and examining my wrist, the doctor pressed around the bruised area, which had turned a deep reddish-purple, checking how much it hurt.
After applying ointment and neatly wrapping a fresh bandage around it, he gave a prescription to the assistant standing beside him, then took off his glasses.
“As I always tell you, until the inflammation goes down, it would be best if you avoid using your wrist as much as possible.”
“I’ll be careful.”
“Your addiction treatment is progressing well. The fact that the trembling in your hands and feet has almost disappeared means you’ve recovered a great deal from the addiction. You’ll need to keep taking the medicine for a few more weeks, but as for the incense… you can stop burning it now.”
The doctor waved a hand at his assistant, signaling him to put out the incense.
“You shouldn’t experience withdrawal hallucinations like before anymore. However, there’s still Kaka residue in your body, so you’ll continue craving stimulation. For at least six months, you must strictly avoid smoking and drinking. During that time, your nerves may become sensitive, and withdrawal symptoms like insomnia or loss of appetite may return. You have to endure that well if you want to completely escape the addiction.”
“So you’re saying it’ll take at least six months to fully recover?”
“The diagnosis is six months, but ideally, I recommend that you never smoke or drink again for the rest of your life.”
“Hah… I’ve got a long road ahead.”
“Most addictions start from bad habits. Miss, you were already used to bad habits from a young age, so this would be a good opportunity to change your routines. If you spend only six months correcting habits that have settled into your body, isn’t that a good deal?”
“You always run your mouth. What if I slap you again for being rude, saying you’re acting too bold?”
“It can’t be helped. I seem to have caught a disease where I can only speak honestly.”
“You’re a doctor. Why don’t you actively treat it?”
“Unfortunately… it’s incurable.”
Maybe he could tell I was deliberately stiffening my face and teasing him, because the doctor shrugged and joked along smoothly.
I relaxed and let out a small laugh. Then I waved Rosebell away as she tried to come forward and assist me, and I pulled my blouse sleeve down by myself.
“You’re the reason I’m improving this quickly. Thank you.”
“…The human body, you see, is closely connected to the mind.”
I accepted the medicine from the assistant and took a sip. Then, noticing the doctor looking at me with an unusually serious face, I lowered the cup and glanced at him.
It felt strange.
He was always the type to wear an irritated expression, say whatever he wanted, and disappear at the speed of light.
“When the body is healthy, the mind is healthy. And when the body is sick, the mind becomes sick as well. The same goes for habits that ruin the body. If you throw away bad habits, you can live with a bright and healthy mind.”
“Getting rid of habits isn’t something you can do overnight.”
“I’m saying it because it seems you’ve already thrown away quite a lot.”
Without changing my expression, I looked him straight in the eyes.
I thought he was just a weirdo, but…
I already knew he was skilled. After all, he was a doctor who came and went from the Duke of Ferdina’s estate, so that was only natural.
But aside from his skill, I had concluded he was just plain wrong as a person.
Just like he admitted, he was a man who spoke with absolutely no filter, to the point where he called himself incurably sick.
From the listener’s perspective, it was often unpleasant.
Especially for high-ranking nobles who were drenched in authority, it was common to label anyone beneath them as “rude” if they didn’t behave like a tongue in their mouth.
He must’ve suffered a lot because of his sharp tongue.
With his ability, he could have easily become attached to a powerful household long ago, so the fact that he wandered around like floating duckweed made it obvious enough.
This was all before I recovered my past-life memories, but even I myself had raised my hand and hit him a few times, calling him insolent.
The reason I started seeing him differently after our conversation just now was simple.
I thought he was impressive.
If it were me, I would never feel like sincerely advising someone who nitpicked for no reason and abused their power.
Advice? Please.
Thinking back to my past life…
If some rude customer slapped me, I would’ve cursed them out and said, “Fucking asshole customer, go eat shit,” then splashed water in their face.
Honestly, I would’ve wanted to give them a satisfying slap instead of water, but I was always scared of the money I’d have to pay afterward, so I usually didn’t go that far.
Ah. Right. This man is a commoner, so if he did that here, he’d be punished on the spot for insulting a noble.
That thought made me feel even more sorry for the man in front of me.
“Doctor… what was your name again?”
“John Cox.”
“Cox… is that the Cox I’m thinking of?”
“It probably is.”
I almost blurted out “Holy shit” in my dialect, so I clenched my lips shut tightly.
This “weirdo” was a far more incredible talent than I thought.
“So, you see… I decided my life goal from now on is to be filial.”
“That’s a wonderful goal, something everyone could learn from.”
“So I’m thinking of hiring you as our family’s personal physician. What do you think?”
“I’ll decide after I hear the pay.”
“I’ll give you the highest rate in the industry.”
“Let’s sign the contract immediately.”
Yes!
That’s one more thing I can earn praise for from my brother.
***
After finishing his private audience and leaving the palace, Alexander’s expression sank heavily.
Right before he was about to send Bastian a reply accepting the annulment request, the king suddenly summoned him.
From the moment he received the sealed letter bearing the royal crest, he could roughly guess the king’s intentions…
But he hadn’t expected him to be this harsh.
“The kingdom’s three pillars must support and check one another with equal strength and height. And there must not be even the slightest crack in their unity. Duke Ferdina, recognize the situation your house is currently in. Are you planning to commit disloyalty by burdening your king with worry? The annulment cannot be permitted. If you cannot find a compromise and mediation with Bastian is needed, then I will personally step in and handle it.”
It was an order so humiliating it was almost unbearable to give to the head of a great noble house.
It was practically the same as the king openly saying he doubted Alexander’s qualifications as a high noble.
He was forbidding the annulment…
And yet, rather than summoning the Duke of Bastian who had requested it, he quietly called in only Alexander.
The king spoke of balancing the power among the three ducal houses, but there was another true intention hidden beneath those words.
The king’s real target of restraint was Bastian.
By keeping Marie, who was infamous for her terrible behavior, stuck to Bastian’s heir, the king wanted to keep him from becoming “perfect.”
He wanted to leave him with a flaw.
Alexander immediately understood what the king truly meant behind those words: The three pillars must restrain one another with equal strength and height.
It was a vile method.
But from the king’s point of view, there was no better tool than Marie to keep Bastian in check.
So the king would never back down.
Alexander was not the type to tolerate regret.
Most regret came from making the wrong choice.
For a choice without regret, Alexander focused every moment and trained himself strictly, like tempering steel.
Until his father died and his mother left the capital, Alexander believed, as he always had, that if he simply drove himself harder, everything would go smoothly.
Without even realizing it was a comfortable excuse he told himself.
After his mother left the capital, there was not a single day he didn’t regret something.
He blamed himself every day for neglecting Marie as she ran wild.
He should have thrown away that baseless optimism sooner, the thought that she’s still young, it’s fine, that once she grows up, she’ll mature on her own.
Every time he heard news that Marie had caused another incident somewhere, his father’s final words rang in his ears:
Protect your family until the very end.
Whenever his patience wore away and he wanted to give up on Marie, that voice gradually changed into something else:
You must not abandon Marie.
His father’s request remained as a voice in Alexander’s chest, gripping him tightly at every turning point.
On the day the Duke of Bastian decided to visit the estate at Bastian’s request, Alexander was furious to the tips of his hair.
He learned too late that Marie had returned to alcohol and tobacco, which he thought she had quit, and had even fallen into addiction.
On top of that, he received a report that she had caused a disturbance in the middle of the street a few days ago, and at the same time, another report that rumors of Marie’s annulment were spreading through high society.
Anger and humiliation mixed together until it was difficult to stay calm.
But he couldn’t postpone the meeting with the Duke of Bastian, because he needed to confirm the truth of the rumors about the annulment.
The Duke of Bastian came to see Alexander with a grave expression.
He offered his regrets and handed him the annulment request.
He sincerely expressed his sorrow, saying he was sorry he couldn’t keep the promise he had made with Alexander’s late father.
Usually, once an engagement was broken, the two houses split apart like enemies.
But the experienced and seasoned Duke of Bastian visited Ferdina personally to prevent any future cracks from forming between the families.
He strongly implied that even after the annulment, the friendly relationship between the two houses would remain unchanged.
From Ferdina’s perspective, in the middle of endless bad news, it was at least one small breath of relief.
Marie, despite her reckless personality, still wanted to look good in front of the Duke and Duchess of Bastian.
Maybe because she tried in her own way, the Duke of Bastian treated her affectionately, like a daughter.
But that was all it was.
No matter how much you cared for a girl, no parent would ever welcome a daughter-in-law who might become a stain on their child.
Even though the Duke of Bastian came all the way to Ferdina, he never once mentioned Marie’s wrist injury.
Who could he blame?
Marie had brought all of this on herself.
Even though Alexander clearly understood the cause and effect…
He couldn’t stop the rage from rising like flames, swallowing him whole.
The moment the Duke of Bastian left the estate, Alexander immediately summoned Marie to his study.
