Chapter 5
Fear of Happiness (2)
<It’s been a while. I heard you’ve been very busy lately. Have you eaten?>
Whenever Marie was summoned to the study, she always came in prepared.
She would either squeeze out tears and act pitiful, snap irritably and throw a tantrum, or complain that it was unfair and pour out her grievances.
But that day was different.
No… it was very different.
She greeted Alexander and asked after him.
From Marie, he saw a side of “family” that he had never been able to expect between the two siblings, who felt more distant from each other than strangers.
<I’ll accept punishment willingly if I deserve it right now.>
She wasn’t the little sister who always denied everything and rushed to blame others.
Marie properly faced her own mistakes, admitted them, and apologized to Alexander, her older brother and the head of the family, with the respect he deserved.
Her eyes weren’t the cloudy, unfocused gaze that had always wavered aimlessly.
Her calm, clear brown eyes accurately read the thoughts he hid inside, questioning whether she was acting just to escape the situation.
With a seriousness he had never seen before, Marie brought up the punishment she might receive.
Marie offering to be punished herself and bowing her head…
No matter how deeply Alexander searched through the memories of his twenty-four years of life, it was the first time he had ever seen or heard anything like it.
Alexander was confused.
It was the change he had desperately wanted…
And yet, a sister who suddenly acted like she’d matured overnight felt unbearably unfamiliar.
It wasn’t unfamiliar in a way that made him dislike it.
But he couldn’t simply be happy, either.
Because she might just be in one of her moods, and he had no idea when she might start acting selfishly again.
“Your Grace. We’ve arrived.”
While he was lost in thought, the carriage reached the mansion. The guard knight opened the door and called Alexander carefully.
Alexander lifted his gaze, turning his head toward the open carriage door without thinking…
Then his eyes widened.
Because among the servants lined up at the front of the mansion, he saw an unexpected face.
“Brother.”
Marie was smiling brightly as she called to him.
***
When Alexander asked what she was doing, Marie answered that she had come out to greet him.
It didn’t register in his mind right away, so Alexander stared down at her with blank eyes.
Marie grabbed Alexander’s stiff arm, which felt like a piece of wood, and linked arms with him.
Ignoring the way his arm muscles twitched in surprise, Marie said she’d already told them the two of them would eat dinner together.
Then she dragged him straight into the garden, insisting they should take a walk until everything was ready.
Just a few weeks ago, Marie had been visibly afraid of him.
Even inside the house, she openly avoided him, doing everything she could not to run into him.
When she couldn’t avoid it, she would stiffen up and make her discomfort obvious.
Alexander’s personality was naturally blunt, but he had never deliberately tried to scare his sister or intimidate her.
Still, he was human. There were many days when Marie’s behavior, avoiding him and acting afraid, hurt him.
After his father died, Alexander finally realized something.
The wounds you receive inside relationships come from expectations toward the other person.
Once he gave up even the smallest expectation, he stopped being hurt because of Marie.
Instead, only duty remained, dry and lifeless, like ashes.
Until recently, Alexander believed that was all there was.
“Hiring John Cox as the family’s personal physician?”
Hearing something unexpected, Alexander raised his eyebrows.
Marie nodded enthusiastically, excited.
“I promised to pay him the highest rate in the industry. But since I can only sign the contract if you approve it, I told him I’d give him my answer next week when he comes for the house call.”
“…I can’t believe it.”
John Cox had refused the exclusive contract they offered several times already.
Even Alexander had proposed “top of the industry” compensation more than once.
So how did Marie manage to convince him?
Especially when Alexander believed they didn’t even get along.
“Uh… sorry. I lied.”
“What?”
Alexander’s raised eyes flared sharply.
They had already fired the family’s previous physician because of Marie.
Marie had secretly paid him under the table and had him supply her with Kaka, and when Alexander found out, the entire household was thrown into chaos.
Because of that incident, many servants were dismissed, and even now the mansion was still short-handed, since they had been carefully selecting who to hire afterward.
After causing that kind of disaster…
Just when it seemed like she might finally be changing…
She was joking with a lie like that?
When Alexander glared, his brow deeply furrowed in anger, Marie gave an awkward smile.
“Actually… earlier, I went ahead and told him we should sign the contract. Verbal contracts are still contracts, right? We can’t back out now. It’s our problem.”
“Hah!”
So Alexander had been shocked because he couldn’t believe she had actually brought John Cox in as their physician…
But Marie, without the head of household’s permission, had basically hired him already, and then confessed because she got nervous at Alexander’s reaction.
“You’re not like yourself. Since when did you care what other people thought?”
“Because it’s not ‘other people.’ It’s you, Brother.”
“Me? You’re worried about what I think?”
Was that “Why?” written on his face?
Marie suddenly burst out laughing.
“Hahaha!”
Her laughter bubbled up light and soft, like soap bubbles floating into the air.
Her brown hair swayed around her waist as it followed the movement of her laughter.
Alexander rubbed his chest lightly, wondering if her hair, softly curving like a small bird’s feather, had brushed against him and tickled him.
“Because I want you to like me. I want you to praise me. Brother.”
Was this really Marie?
That small doubt scattered like smoke as he looked into her brown eyes, the exact same color as their mother’s.
It wasn’t only the color that Marie inherited from their mother.
The warmth in her gaze as she looked at Alexander was just like their mother, too.
It wasn’t something that could be faked on purpose.
Unconditional affection that only blood-related family could share.
Afraid that if he relaxed, his expression would turn strange, Alexander stiffened his face even more and spoke bluntly.
“John Cox is a capable man. You did well.”
As if she had been waiting for those words, Marie smiled in pure joy, like she had gained the whole world.
Marie said dinner should be ready now, and suggested they return to the mansion.
Walking back the way they came, the siblings took their time and looked around the garden, something they hadn’t done in a very long time.
Back when their father was alive, there hadn’t been a single place in the garden untouched by their mother’s hands.
After their father died, Alexander left all garden management to the gardener…
And perhaps because their mother’s touch was gone…
Or maybe because winter still lingered at the edge of the season…
The garden no longer felt warm the way it used to.
As if she felt something similar, Marie leaned her head lightly against Alexander’s shoulder, still linking arms with him, and complained quietly.
“The garden doesn’t feel like it used to. Mother needs to come back home soon.”
“Even if she comes back, it will be difficult for her to take care of such a wide garden like she used to.”
“Then Mother can just give directions, and I’ll handle everything else. Planting flowers and trees like before… she can’t. It’ll be too hard on her.”
“You? You’re going to get dirt on your hands?”
Alexander turned to Marie, his expression shocked, and looked down at her.
Marie lifted her head from his shoulder, her eyes widening too as she looked up at him and answered.
“Why would I get dirt on my hands? I’m going to wear gloves.”
“…”
Alexander was speechless.
No matter what, she was saying she would dig in the ground and plant trees.
The same Marie who used to shout cruel insults, saying why would Mother do the work herself when she could order servants to do it, and that it was shameful to do the kind of labor commoners did.
Now she was saying she would do it herself for Mother.
People said when someone changes suddenly, it might be because they have a serious illness…
Alexander looked down at Marie with worried eyes.
“Brother, do you know you look really funny and cute right now?”
“C-Cute…?”
Unable to continue, Alexander scrunched up his face in embarrassment.
Marie giggled, tugged on the arm she had linked with his, and made him start walking again.
“It would’ve been better if I matured sooner. Before Father died. Then Father would’ve probably made the exact same face you just did, Brother, right? I miss him so much, but even when I try to imagine it, I can’t remember Father’s face very well. It’s only been three years since he passed, but it feels like thirty years have gone by.”
Her voice was calm.
If someone else heard it, they might have brushed it off as casual.
But because they were siblings, Alexander could hear the deep regret hidden inside Marie’s words.
It felt like a burning stone was stuck in his throat, making it ache.
Forcing down the emotions rising inside him, Alexander tightened his jaw and threw his gaze far away toward the sky dyed by sunset.
“So you’ve decided to change.”
He was asking if she had decided to choose the path of change, after she had previously said she didn’t know whether she truly wanted to change or not.
“If I’m going to be a good daughter, I can’t keep causing trouble, right? What do you think? In your opinion, Brother… am I still far from it?”
“Yes. You’re still far from it.”
Even though she already felt more than enough, Alexander answered the opposite of what he truly felt.
While praying it wasn’t just a temporary whim.
Alexander tightly covered Marie’s hand resting on his arm with his own.
