TLVGAJ 87

~Chapter 87~

“…We’ve arrived.”

By the time the carriage reached the Hartmann estate, the surroundings were already growing dark.

“…Thank you.”

It wasn’t the duke’s family’s exclusive carriage I usually rode, but just a passing one I had flagged down. I had been a little worried, but thankfully, I chose a decent carriage and arrived safely.

After paying the driver—adding a little extra on top—I stepped down and walked toward the large gates.

As soon as I entered, Sophie hurried toward me, as if she had been waiting.

“Milady, welcome back. I saw the note you left this morning before going out.”

“Yes… I’m back.”

I glanced at Sophie a little nervously.

“What’s this? I thought you’d scold me for going out alone.”

“I was worried, of course… but Milady has Sir Fabian, after all. I trusted you would be safe.”

Her gaze flicked toward the ruby ring on my finger.

“…Haha.”

I laughed awkwardly.

That’s true… even I had relied on Fabian in my heart when I went out alone…

The memory of him returned, and my heart grew unsettled again.

Just as I was about to head upstairs to my chambers, Emily carefully stopped me.

“Milady, wouldn’t it be good to speak with the Duke and Duchess?”

“Ah…”

“They seemed much more worried than me.”

“You’re right… I will. But I want to rest first and clear my head. After I’ve sorted my thoughts, I’ll visit them.”

For now, I needed to cool down my tangled mind more than anything else.

When I told Sophie, she nodded as if she understood.

“All right. Then I’ll at least let them know you’ve returned safely.”

“Yes, thank you, Sophie.”

After finishing the conversation, I quietly climbed the stairs to my chambers.

Just as I reached the door and was about to open it, someone called me.

“Milady.”

“…Harry?”

I turned, and there stood Harry Jackson, biting his lip.

I sat across from Harry at the table in my room.

Between us hung an unusual silence.

Harry stared at me but couldn’t bring himself to speak. Even though he had come to see me, it seemed hard for him to start the conversation.

“…If you’re curious, ask me. I’ll tell you.”

In the end, I was the one to speak first, feeling strangely resolute.

Since things had come this far, I decided to be honest.

Harry had probably heard everything yesterday when I clashed with my parents.

If that was true, then there was no longer any need to hide it. They would all find out eventually anyway.

At my words, Harry let out a deep sigh, then slowly opened his mouth.

“Is what I heard yesterday… really true? That Milady doesn’t have much time left?”

“…Since childhood, I’ve been very sick from the side effects of mana gathering in my body. You must have heard about that.”

I continued, meeting his trembling eyes.

“Then, a few months ago, I was finally diagnosed as terminal. That’s why I went on that train trip. I begged my parents to let me, saying I wanted to take one before I died.”

“…So, when we met on the train…”

“Yes. It was right after I was diagnosed.”

I saw Harry bite his lip hard, and I turned away from his gaze.

“While on that trip, I met you all…”

My nose stung, and I had to pause.

It was strange. In front of Harry and Pin, my heart always weakened like this.

I felt pitiful—because in the end, I had to tell them such things.

“After learning Pin was terminally ill, I found myself drawn to him with unusual affection.”

“…So that’s why you were so kind to us. Because Pin was terminal.”

“…Yes.”

That was something I couldn’t deny.

I truly cared for Pin, and knowing he was terminal only made it harder.

Both Harry and Pin reminded me so much of my past self—and of who I was now.

“So you saved Pin’s life… because you pitied him for being terminal?”

Harry bit his lip again, his voice rising.

“Since you were already given a terminal diagnosis… did you want at least my brother to live?”

“….”

I couldn’t answer. I avoided his gaze, because it hurt to see the emptiness growing in his eyes.

Tears welled up in Harry’s eyes.

“Milady… with what feelings did you save my brother?”

“….”

“You say you’re destined to die, but then… why didn’t you ever tell us? Why hide it from us?”

“Just… because I thought it would be good if Pin lived, at least.”

I muttered like an excuse. Harry stared blankly at me.

“So that’s why. Since I’m destined to die, it’d be good if at least Pin lived.”

“Lies.”

“….”

Harry’s sharp reply cut deep.

His voice wasn’t gentle like usual—it pierced me like a blade.

And then—

“The truth is… Milady wanted to live, didn’t you?”

“….”

“That’s why you saved Pin. Because deep down, you wanted to live.”

“….”

“You didn’t want him to die, because you yourself don’t want to die.”

“….”

Some words don’t pierce the ears—they pierce the heart.

Harry’s words were exactly that.

They struck through the heart I had denied over and over.

The feelings I had deceived myself with, lied to others with, barely managing to pretend I was fine—

He shattered them. He exposed them.

The truth.

He was laying bare the truth in my heart.

My heartbeat raced wildly. It felt like sirens were ringing in my ears.

I stared blankly at Harry.

Through my blurred vision, only his words echoed loudly inside me.

“Isn’t there really any way to treat you? I’ll do anything.”

“….”

“I’ll even give up painting forever. Even if I can never see you again, it doesn’t matter. I’ll find a way to save you. I’ll repay you. Even with my life, if I must.”

“…Harry.”

With a breaking heart, I finally spoke.

For now, I thought I had to send him away.

“Thank you… for grieving so much over my death.”

“….”

“I’ll think about what you said. I understand… so now, could you please go back?”

By then, I was just saying anything.

All I wanted was to send him away before I completely crumbled.

Before I realized I was clinging to life as Irene.

“…There’s one thing. Could you keep this a secret from Pin?”

Even in the midst of this, that was what weighed on me most.

“Pin is still just a child. I’m worried about the shock it would cause him.”