~Chapter 88~
“…Pin.”
My heart sank. I stared blankly at Pin.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to surprise you, so I was hiding…”
His wide eyes were full of tears.
Sniffle, sniffle. Wiping his tears, Pin looked up at me.
“Milady, why are you saying you’re going to die?”
“….”
“Don’t die. You promised we’d travel again. You said once you got better, we’d climb the Pilgrim’s Stair together.”
“…Pin.”
“I can’t live without you. You saved me, so why are you the one who has to die?”
Finally, Pin burst into sobs, his little face red, as he ran to me.
Clinging to my skirt and holding onto my leg, he buried his face and cried loudly.
“Don’t die, Milady! Don’t diiiiie!”
“….”
“Uwaaah… uwaaah… waaahhh.”
I silently watched Pin crying for me.
It was the most primal kind of crying.
The kind of sound a child might make after losing their parents.
A cry that could break down the emotional walls all adults naturally build as they grow.
“…Pin. I’m sorry.”
I pulled him into my arms, letting his raw sobs fill my ears.
“…Uuuh…”
And my heart collapsed completely.
Like a sandcastle swept away in one huge wave.
Late at night.
The outside world was silent.
I sat staring out the window into the darkness, deep in thought.
After riding such a storm of emotions, my heart strangely felt calm—like it had sunk into the deepest sea. And because of that calm, everything seemed clearer.
Of course, I hadn’t fully decided what I would do from now on.
“…What’s this?”
“Ah—!”
My heart dropped at the sudden voice.
When I turned around, Fabian was standing there with his head slightly tilted.
Huh?
I froze. Why was Fabian suddenly here?
Then I realized—my hand was on the ring without me noticing.
I must have unconsciously been thinking of Fabian and touched the ring.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize, but I must have called you while thinking about you.”
“…I see. Then I’ll go.”
Fabian nodded slightly, as if to leave.
Flustered, I blurted out:
“W-wait, where are you going?”
“…You said it was by mistake.”
“Sit down. Since you’re here, talk with me for a bit.”
“…I told you, unless it was urgent, we shouldn’t talk.”
“Well, I do have something urgent.”
“….”
“Come on, just sit. Honestly, you’re so cold-hearted sometimes…”
At times like this, he really was such a stiff man.
I glared at him out of irritation. Fabian only stared back at me quietly, but at least he didn’t leave.
Finally, with a faint sigh, he pulled out a chair and sat.
“…Fine. Keep it short.”
“Actually, I just want to ask one thing.”
“….”
“Fabian. Is there really no way to treat me?”
He had been looking out the window, but at those words, Fabian turned his head.
“…Why. Do you suddenly want to live?”
“Not exactly… I’m just curious.”
Embarrassed, I turned my head away and added:
“Actually, I made a promise. …With Pin. That we’d climb the Pilgrim’s Stair again.”
As I said that, Emily’s words echoed in my mind:
[More than that, isn’t it important how Milady feels about your own life? Whether you want to leave or stay. What things you’d regret leaving behind. Things like that.]
Yes… I did have regrets. Regrets left behind in Irene’s body.
The warm times I had shared with my parents.
The promise I made with Pin—to visit the Lata Temple together once I was healthy.
Enoch, Sophie, Emily… and the others who stayed warmly by Irene’s side.
All of those were things that tied me to this life.
Things that made me want to stay.
I couldn’t deny it anymore. I did have regrets. I did want to live.
If Albert’s plan was to create this change in me… then he had succeeded.
If what he wanted was to awaken in me the will to be treated.
Most of all—
“If I… if I said I wanted to live, if I said I wanted treatment…”
“Would there be even the smallest chance to extend my life? That’s what I’m asking.”
Because now… I wanted to spend even a little more time with Fabian, too.
Of course, I swallowed those words and just looked at him quietly.
He crossed his arms and stared back at me with the same unreadable eyes as always.
“…Hah.”
Albert stared out the window, deep in thought.
He anxiously spun the teacup in his hands again and again. He was waiting for news, but waiting was never easy.
Irene—who had such fierce resistance to his proposal.
Following Fabian’s advice, he wanted to awaken her will to live naturally… but it wasn’t proving easy.
Albert sighed again and took a sip of tea.
Clink. He set the cup down and fell back into thought.
[Have you ever thought about why she feels she has no reason to live?]
[Have you ever considered what the world looks like through the eyes of someone with only a year left? Even once?]
Since Fabian had said that, Albert tried every night to see things from Irene’s view.
And every night, he grew a little sadder.
Her life hadn’t seemed very happy.
Happy enough that she could lose the will to live so easily.
A life never truly welcomed anywhere—maybe that explained why she had ruled the social world so cruelly.
Maybe it was her desperate attempt to cling to life.
And now, having given up everything, she could afford to look at the world with such calm detachment.
But when Albert thought of the Irene who had changed recently, he grew restless.
As if she could leave at any moment.
Every morning, he feared she would already be gone.
Her detached smile and serene attitude pressed on his chest like indigestion.
If only she could change her mind now…
Then Albert wanted nothing more than to stay by her side.
Even if it wasn’t as more than friends, he wanted to make up for the years he had hated her—by becoming her warmest friend.
Only then, he thought, could he stop being disappointed in himself—for being one of the people who had made her life miserable.
That was why he wanted so badly to save her.
But…
Today again, no word came.
Finishing his tea, Albert finally stood, deciding he’d had enough waiting for the day.
There was still time. He wouldn’t give up. He would wait for tomorrow again, as he always had.
He had just made up his mind and prepared to sleep when—
Knock knock.
The door opened, and a maid stepped inside.
“Your Highness, the Crown Prince.”
“…What is it?”
Her careful words widened Albert’s eyes.
“Suddenly… Lady Hartmann has come to see you.”
