—138—
“Lucious!”
Curled up on the bed, Lucious trembled and let out suppressed moans as if from a nightmare. My heart dropped when I saw cold sweat soaking his face, neck, and the chest inside his unbuttoned shirt.
“No… Tiana… no—”
“Lucious, I’m here. Pull yourself together.”
One hand clutched his chest while the other shot out as if reaching for something; I took both of his trembling hands in mine. I drew his ice-cold hands to me and called to him again.
“Lucious. I’m here. Open your eyes and see that I’m here.”
“You must not die. Tiana, no…!”
“Lucious! Open your eyes!”
What on earth was he dreaming about? He wouldn’t wake up. He kept crying out that he couldn’t die. Was he dreaming that I had died?
“That will never happen. Lucious, get up… What did Rayel say to you to make you like this…?”
If he was having such a horrific nightmare that he shook and fell ill, Rayel must have told him something serious.
‘Could it be that Rayel revealed he had gone back in time?’
But if that were the case, Lucious wouldn’t react like this. Rayel’s returning could have shocked him, but it wouldn’t cause nightmares about me.
Was there anything else that could have shaken Lucious so badly? Anything that would make him suffer like this?
‘…Or perhaps Rayel told him about what happened between the original “Tiana” and Lucious before Rayel returned?’
If the side story I’d read had played out, Rayel would know how Lucious’s end unfolded. But would he suddenly tell Lucious about it?
It was speculation, but under the circumstances it was one of the only plausible possibilities. If my guess was right, Rayel must have had his reasons — a reason to tell Lucious about his past.
If Rayel had told Lucious everything about the original Tiana and what happened, Lucious would surely be shocked. Given his sensitive nature, he would be prone to nightmares and illness.
‘I see why he sent me ahead. He must have expected Lucious couldn’t handle the shock.’
In that side story set in the past, Lucious killed Tiana and then took his own life.
Even if the current Lucious hadn’t committed those acts, the person known as ‘he’ had done them, so guilt over killing Tiana might naturally cling to him.
But the Tiana in the side story was not the original Tiana nor me — she was another possessor. He had been manipulated and made a victim of the original story’s misunderstandings and the possessor’s plot.
‘If there’s blame to be assigned… no, he’s not at fault. He acted for the person he loved. In the end he revealed everything and died.’
Even if he’d been deceived, killing someone you love would have been unbearably hard. And he had killed himself afterward. That in itself seemed like sufficient atonement.
Rayel had witnessed Lucious’s death firsthand. Though the brothers had been clouded by misunderstanding, the truth came out in the end.
Rayel might have had his own reasons for returning, but having seen Lucious alive now, he wouldn’t stand by and let the same thing happen again. He would do whatever he could to prevent Lucious’s death.
Still — was it necessary to tell Lucious about the past? I was here for him now. Rayel surely knew I wasn’t the original Tiana, and that I wasn’t the possessor who led to Lucious’s death.
A perceptive Rayel would have understood from my behavior that I wouldn’t cause Lucious’s death. Yet he purposely told Lucious about the past and sent me to calm the shaken man.
‘There must be a reason, but knowing how it would affect Lucious—what was he thinking?’
He was always inscrutable, but this was the most unfathomable male lead I’d encountered. The textbook example of a scheming hero.
“Tiana…”
“Lucious?”
Lucious called my name; I hurriedly checked him over. Thankfully, his violent trembling was subsiding and he was calming down.
Warmth was returning to his previously frozen hands. I gripped his hands more tightly and soothed his pale face.
“Lucious, wake up. Get up and look at me.”
“…….”
“The Tiana in your dream isn’t the woman you knew. And in truth, I’m not the Tiana you originally knew or loved… but I am the Tiana who loves you.”
The possessors in the original story and side story didn’t love Lucious. Their goal had been Rayel, the original male lead. They used Lucious and, failing in their scheme, ended up dying by his hand.
Even that would have been unforgivable, but the possessor went further and caused Lucious’s death. She trampled on a pure heart, used him as she pleased, and finally destroyed him.
Why would she do such things to Lucious? If she disliked him and couldn’t love him, she could have divorced him.
‘Even divorced, though, it would be hard for her to seduce Rayel.’
Tiana had been the wife of the emperor’s brother, so even with a divorce she would still carry the stigma of being a duke’s former wife. The whole thing began with the wrong person being possessed. If the possessor had occupied some other noblewoman’s body, Lucious might have lived.
“If only I had possessed Tiana earlier…”
I could have prevented Lucious’s death. Why did the chance come so late? After several worthless possessors had passed through, it was finally my turn to take over.
Perhaps I should be grateful no other possessors came after me. Though I had occupied the original Tiana’s body as well, I was a hundred times better than those other possessors. At least I could say I loved him as much as, if not more than, the original Tiana.
“I never thought I’d ever love anyone…”
In my modern life there had been no room for such feelings; I hadn’t been moved by anyone. I had simply gone through life because I had to.
But after learning of the character ‘Lucious,’ I began to feel emotions again. Although he was only a character in a novel, his thoughts and feelings felt real. Thinking of Lucious was like meeting a living person before my eyes.
“…I never imagined I’d meet a living Lucious like this, but I’m glad I did.”
The warmth from his hand in mine, the touch of his skin under my fingers, the pounding of his heart — everything was real.
The man before me was not a mere novel character but a real, living person.
Those who had possessed Tiana before me must have seen him only as ‘Lucious.’ Even from the closest position, they judged him superficially and rejected him.
If they had paid even a little attention, they would have seen what kind of person he was. Seeing him suffer like this made me feel even sorrier for him.
While I watched over him who wouldn’t wake from his nightmare, the bright sky outside the window dimmed. Darkness came quickly to the unlit bedroom.
I wanted to turn on the light, but I didn’t want to let go of his side while he was still unconscious.
I reached out to smooth the sweat-matted hair on his forehead. At that moment, his long lashes fluttered, and his tightly shut eyes slowly opened.
“…! Lucious!”
“…….”
Startled, I checked him; his gaze was still unfocused, as if he hadn’t fully come to. Had he not heard my voice? I gripped his hand harder and called his name again.
“Lucious, can you see me? Do you hear my voice?”
“…….”
“Lucious. I’m here. The Tiana you’re looking for— I am here.”
I poured all my will into conveying my feelings. I wanted him to stop living in the past and see the present. I prayed desperately that he would feel the life that was here and now.
“…Tia, I…?”
Thankfully, my words seemed to reach him; after a moment he said my name.
“Lucious…!”
The blurred focus returned little by little, and in his golden eyes my reflection appeared. The distant, vacant gaze shifted to me, and my chest swelled.
“Tiana…”
“Yes, Lucious. Are you coming back to yourself? Are you okay? Is any part of you hurt?”
“…….”
“Lucious? What’s wrong?”
He looked at me for a moment, then weakly reached out. The hand that had been holding mine climbed up his arm, shoulder, and stopped at my face.
He touched my chin, cheek, nose, and eyes as if confirming them, then spoke slowly.
“You’re… alive, right?”
“…….”
“You aren’t… dead, right?”
The hand cradling my face trembled. The tone and touch seeking proof felt more desperate than ever. I nodded, fighting back tears, and managed to say:
“I’m alive. Feel my warmth. I’m not dead, Lucious.”
I took his hands and showed him my face again: forehead, the hollows beneath my eyes, down my nose to my lips. I smiled brightly so he could be reassured to see me moving.
“As long as you’re alive, I won’t die. I’ll live with you, Lucious.”
Having found him, I couldn’t possibly die easily. I would not let him die either.
Even though the original male lead returned and several possessors had come and gone, his fate hadn’t changed. Maybe my possessing him was the last chance to change that fate. If so, I couldn’t afford to miss this opportunity.
He brushed his thumb over my lips, blinked, and said:
“It really is you… I can tell. That you’re alive. That you’re not dead.”
“Lucious…”
“It’s okay now. Don’t worry. Thank you for protecting me. I promise too. I’ll stay with you until the end. …Tiana.”
He spoke with resolve, and smiled at me exactly as I had smiled.
