Chapter 44
Rohwinas had always been the kind of noble who got everything he wanted.
Maybe that was why, whenever things didn’t go his way, he couldn’t control himself — his eyes would go a little wild.
“I just don’t understand what could be keeping you so busy.”
His tone carried emotion this time — rare for him.
In the past, whenever he lost his temper like that, I was the only one who could calm him down.
Everyone used to come find me first.
But now…
I smirked.
“What did you say?”
“I said, I don’t know what could keep someone like you so busy — someone with nothing but a meaningless title.”
“…”
Was he still not satisfied with the way I humiliated him in front of Margaret last time?
Why start another fight?
Was it because his “shameful past” kept walking in front of the Duke — reminding him of what he’d rather forget?
I rubbed my temple, then lowered my hand.
“Guess my last advice didn’t get through to you.”
My voice sounded strangely calm — cold, even.
“Advice?”
“You don’t remember? The advice you gave me last time — to find a proper man and get married?”
“…”
“So stop this nonsense and find a man suited to your level.”
He had said it so confidently back then — yet now, he was silent.
“I’ve been busy trying to do that, actually. Is there a problem?”
“A proper man?”
Rohwinas let out a bitter laugh.
“You think the Duke would ever… lower himself to you?”
He had dropped all formality now — his raw words cut like knives.
But I didn’t flinch.
“That’s for the Duke to decide.”
“…”
“And what does that have to do with you?”
“Is it the potion?”
I frowned.
“What are you talking about?”
“Are you planning to use that potion again?”
So this time, it was Rohwinas who lost control first.
Good — that meant I didn’t have to hold back anymore.
“Or did you already use it? Is that why the Duke’s acting that way? Even after everything, you still haven’t learned—”
“What makes you think I used any potion?”
I shoved his shoulder hard as he came too close, spitting accusations at me.
But instead of stepping back, he braced himself and refused to move.
I glared at him.
That only seemed to make him angrier.
His stare was sharp — almost burning — and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck rise.
He could be cruel when he wanted to.
He just used to hide it from me.
So now…
I clenched my fists tightly.
“What exactly am I to you, Rohwinas? Is that really all I ever was to you?”
“Why bring up the past?” he muttered through clenched teeth.
“You started it.”
“Anastasia.”
He grabbed my arm as I turned away and pulled me back toward him.
We were suddenly close — too close.
“You really think you’re standing there unharmed just because you were lucky?”
“…”
“You think surviving after crossing the Duke’s family was luck?”
“I never crossed them!”
He ignored my protest completely.
“Do you not realize the only reason things went that far was because I took the potion? You’re not that stupid.”
“So what, I should thank you for that?”
“You think Duke Ishtan Gladinare is anything like me? He won’t forgive you!”
“I didn’t ask!” I snapped. “I don’t want to hear it!”
“He’s not like me — he’ll never forgive you!”
I couldn’t help but laugh — bitterly.
“And you did? You forgave me?”
“I told you — even letting it end like this is already enough—”
“Enough kindness from you, you mean? You and your family really are the same.”
“…”
“Can you even say you were ever honest with me? Back then, when you said you wanted to escape the Duke’s family — was that really true?”
I heard him grind his teeth.
I lifted my gaze to his face — his jaw trembling, his eyes bloodshot and furious.
“So, are you happy now?”
“…”
I yanked my arm free from his grip.
The skin was white where his fingers had pressed too tightly.
“What are you so angry about?” I asked quietly.
I glanced at him one last time before turning away.
“You’re the one who left me.”
“…”
He didn’t answer.
And that was exactly why I hated talking to him.
The day we broke up, our ending had already been decided — final and irreversible.
When no one knows what was real and what was fake, a relationship ends like tangled thread — the only way to deal with it is to cut it all off.
I walked around to the back of the building, heading for the rear gate — and there, half-hidden behind the bushes, stood the Duke’s aide, Sir Vatar.
“…”
“…”
This place seriously needed better landscaping.
What was the point of bushes thick enough to hide a full-grown man?
Did he hear everything?
Our eyes met.
He heard everything.
I raised an eyebrow, not even trying to hide my irritation.
“What is it?”
“His Grace sent a carriage for you. He said you could leave when you’re ready.”
“Nothing else?”
“…Sorry?”
“Did he also tell you to eavesdrop?”
His face turned red instantly.
“Don’t insult His Grace like that.”
“Listen — I don’t care if you hate me, dislike me, or find me disgusting.”
“…”
“I’ll still do my job. So it’d be best if you don’t get in my way.”
I ran a hand through my hair — damp with sweat.
The heat wasn’t helping. And running into people who made my blood boil only made it worse.
“Got it? I’ll leave when the time comes, so don’t worry about me hanging around your precious Duke.”
I nudged his arm aside and tilted my chin.
He didn’t answer — just looked tense and quiet.
Fine. Quiet is good.
“So where’s the carriage?”
“…This way, please.”
Later that afternoon, during lunch—
Bang!
I slammed my fist on the table, making the whole thing shake. One of the servants dropped a fork and clutched her chest.
“Oh dear! You scared me!”
I pressed my fist down on the table and muttered, “…Sorry.”
But then, unable to hold it in, I pounded the table again and jumped to my feet.
Zaka, who’d been helping serve food, sighed and pushed me gently back into my chair.
“Maybe finish eating before you start raging?”
“I’m angry.”
“You look angry.”
“I’m really angry.”
Zaka was silent for a moment, then leaned closer and whispered,
“Want me to go hit him for you?”
“Are you crazy? You’ll get beaten up!”
But when I thought about it more… maybe not.
Considering how easily Zaka had overpowered a holy knight before, maybe he’d be the one doing the beating.
“Wait — and who exactly are you planning to hit?”
“Who else?”
Zaka’s eyes glinted darkly. The sunlight behind him made that look even more chilling.
My anger, which had briefly cooled, flared up again.
Before I could slam my hand on the table again, Zaka grabbed my fist first and rubbed it gently.
“Look, it’s all red.”
“…”
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“…No.”
I grumbled but stopped pounding the table. There was no point.
After lunch, I rolled up my sleeves and barged into an unused storage room.
Zaka, realizing I wasn’t chasing suspects but memories, followed after me.
We tied handkerchiefs over our hair and covered our mouths before stepping into the dusty room.
“How long’s it been since this was last used?”
“About… four years?”
After the Duke told me to investigate the symbol myself, I’d been thinking.
Of course, he’d gather more information than I ever could — but maybe there was another path I could take.
A path that only I could follow.
To do that, I needed to look back — to search through my own past.
And this was the best place to start.
Inside this room were all the records and notes from the two years when I’d miraculously recovered from illness and was active in society.
“Okay, let’s start.”
Zaka clicked his tongue behind me as I shouted a little battle cry.
Of course, I wasn’t just digging blindly.
“First, we’ll narrow down the time period.”
I opened the first box.
“The first year, to start with.”
