Chapter 18
Only after the carriage passed through the main gates of the Ferdian Grand Ducal residence did Kardin finally pull his gaze away from the window.
Perhaps because his thoughts were still tangled by that woman, he frowned deeply.
He hadn’t gone there because of feelings.
He was simply curious about Shallen Melissa.
The intention behind the letter she sent.
The way she spoke and looked at him, as if she already knew him.
Her true identity.
That was why someone who didn’t believe in gods at all had gone to the Melissa Temple.
But then—what was this lingering unease?
“My lord?”
The one who broke his train of thought was the butler of the Ferdian household.
Even though the carriage door was already open, Kardin hadn’t stepped out, so the butler tilted his head and asked with concern.
“Did something happen at the temple?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
Kardin erased his expression, stepped down from the carriage, and headed straight into the mansion.
When they reached the door of his office, the butler asked carefully,
“Shall you be going to your office, my lord?”
“Yes.”
At his master’s firm answer, the butler lowered his brows.
“Then I shall have some tea prepared—”
Just as Kardin grasped the doorknob, he called out again.
“Do you believe that God exists?”
The butler tilted his head slightly, seeming to think for a moment before answering.
“With the Saintess present, I believe God does exist. You were just returning from meeting her, were you not, my lord?”
“That’s right.”
“Even so, do you still believe there is no God?”
At that, Kardin released the doorknob.
“… Right now, I’m not sure. There’s no need to prepare tea. I’ll go straight to my room.”
“Yes. Understood.”
“Oh. I heard that what this Saintess said at her inauguration was quite unusual. Do you know anything about it?”
Despite the sudden question, the butler answered calmly.
“It was very different from the usual formal words. The previous Saintesses all declared they would share their power equally with everyone. However, this Saintess said she would grant blessings to those deserving of mercy and severe punishment to those who were not. She also stated that she would not distribute her divine power equally to all.”
Listening, Kardin raised one eyebrow.
“Isn’t that more fair?”
“I believe so as well, but it seems the temple officials do not share that view. Is there anything else you are curious about?”
“No. If something comes up, I’ll say so. That will be all for today.”
Without turning to look at the retreating butler, Kardin walked away from the door and toward his room.
Though he finished preparing for sleep, he instead went to the desk in his room and sat crookedly in the chair.
His gaze landed on Shallen’s letter.
A woman who could smile softly one moment and then wear a sad expression filled with emptiness and bitterness the next.
They had met only twice.
Yet the moment the Temple Head approached them, she had grabbed his sleeve—
as if trying to protect him.
Despite her small frame, as though she could shield him.
The saintess, who called herself the daughter of an unmerciful god had granted him a blessing in return for nothing more than a handkerchief—
Yet toward the sickly Temple Head, she had spoken only words of concern.
Had he misread her?
Her tone had been equally gentle when speaking to the Temple Head, yet he had felt killing intent.
Why?
Until they left the forest, he had naturally assumed there would be another meeting.
“No. Please don’t come. You don’t need to visit this place again. Travel safely. May God’s grace—may God’s mercy fully reach you. … And please, I sincerely wish that only good things come your way, Grand Duke.”
He could simply not go back.
And yet, it bothered him.
Was it because her attitude had suddenly changed?
No matter how much he thought about it, it felt like a riddle without an answer.
***
With lips pressed tightly together, I slowly wrote the letter.
Unlike before, my pen touched the paper without much hesitation—
as though it were the first letter that would ever reach him.
It was a formal letter to enclose with the handkerchief.
I made sure not to put even a trace of emotion into the words.
I reminded myself that I must not show him any more feelings.
Outside the window, the sky was already growing bright.
I stood up.
After tidying myself briefly, I left my room and saw believers visiting the temple even in the early morning.
I had never taken revenge before.
I had been too busy surviving.
Too powerless.
But now, things were different.
It wasn’t enough to pray that the same hell would not repeat itself.
Making someone experience death for a few days in a dream was not enough.
I needed more power than the bedridden Pope—
more power than the Temple Head, who was effectively the next Pope.
Even if Saintesses were never recorded in history,
Melissa itself meant “saintess.”
and the temple’s reputation was the Saintess’s reputation.
It was the only real power a newly appointed saintess could possess.
I had never cared much about reputation.
But to protect what mattered, I needed it.
As the sun emerged from behind the clouds, the shadow on my face disappeared.
I turned and went back into my room, pulling the bell cord to summon Amy.
Before long, a knock sounded at the door, and I looked away from the mirror.
“Come in.”
Amy entered and stared at me sitting at the vanity, her eyes widening like a rabbit’s.
“Amy.”
At her name, she hurried to my side.
“Yes, Saintess!”
“Will you help me get ready?”
Perhaps because I usually prepared myself without calling her, Amy blinked in surprise.
“There may be people in the prayer hall who are about to receive God’s grace.”
At my words, Amy parted her lips.
“You’re going to the believers’ prayer hall?”
“Yes. And have a carriage prepared as well.”
Because I hadn’t been giving blessings outside official ceremonies since the inauguration, Amy looked excited at the idea of me appearing publicly.
“I’ll do my very best to make you look like the most sacred and mysterious saintess! Just trust me!”
“Alright. I’ll trust you.”
My thick hair was let down long.
My vivid blue eyes sparkled.
I placed a white veil of embroidered lace over my head, covering my face.
My expression had been stiff all along, so this worked out well.
Amy slipped thin, white gloves onto my hands.
I checked my reflection one last time in the hazy mirror.
When I turned slightly, the white dress brushed my ankles and settled behind me.
“Thank you, always.”
Behind me, as she adjusted my veil, Amy blushed and shook her head vigorously.
“It’s my job!”
“Still, I’m grateful.”
I lifted the trembling corners of my lips into a smile—
even though she couldn’t see it.
“May I go now?”
“Ah—do you need anything else from me?”
“No, this is enough.”
As I walked toward the door, the sound of my shoes echoed in the room.
I hadn’t thought it took long to prepare.
But when I stepped outside, the sunlight was hot, and the sun was already high.
Beyond the shade, people crowded the temple grounds.
Priests and holy knights hurried about.
Nobles in fine clothes and commoners in plain attire alike rushed toward the prayer halls before they closed.
Tap, tap.
At the sound of wide, steady footsteps, I turned my eyes and saw someone approaching me.
Only once the noise in the broad courtyard faded did I step forward into the sunlight.
My first destination was the prayer hall used by nobles.
“Saintess?”
Philip tilted his head when he saw me.
It seemed he was assigned to the prayer hall today.
“Are they all praying?”
“Are you perhaps going inside—”
Cutting him off, I nodded.
“Yes.”
I had wondered if he might stop me, but he only looked surprised.
“Understood. Will you be visiting the other prayer halls as well?”
“Most likely.”
I gave him a brief smile and opened the door.
When it was halfway open, Philip fully pushed it wide.
There were quite a few people inside, yet it was silent.
The only sound was the click of my shoes.
I walked forward slowly.
Until the door opened, everyone had their eyes closed in prayer.
But as my footsteps drew closer, they began to open their eyes one by one.
I stood beneath the statue of the god, arms spread in mercy atop a modest platform.
Through the veil, I slowly swept my gaze across the nobles.
As murmurs spread through the hall, I smiled gently.
“So many of you have come to the Melissa Temple from early in the morning. I am Shallen Melissa—daughter of the god Gloria.”
