“You’re Dead”
Chapter 39………………………………….
Another long silence settled between him and me.
I needed to say something.
But like a broken person, I bit my lip, unable to figure out what to say or how to begin.
Despite my face burning hot, I tried to think rationally.
Kardin had sensed my power in the valley and rushed there. When he didn’t find me, he had jumped straight into the water.
It was only my assumption—but it was probably correct.
When memories of our married life surfaced, my face reddened as if scorched by fire.
After chewing on my lips for a while, I finally opened my mouth to reassure him, knowing he would feel awkward.
“Um…”
“I’m sorry.”
Of all times, our words overlapped again.
Knowing he couldn’t see me, I shook my head vigorously and spoke.
“No, it’s not that. I was just trying to use my holy power again, like I did earlier today…”
“Then why were you in the water…?”
I covered my face with both hands as I answered. Maybe because of that, my voice echoed strangely.
“I just… had some things to think about…”
Another heavy silence, like a sudden downpour, descended between us.
“I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“I didn’t see anything. No—I mean, I chose not to see.”
His flustered voice felt unfamiliar. Even in this embarrassing situation, I bit down on my lip again.
When I didn’t respond, Kardin spoke once more.
“I mean it.”
“…Yes.”
“I’ll wait outside.”
He parted the water and quickly walked out.
Watching his back, I dunked my face fully into the water to cool down.
If he had been farther away, I might have splashed around as if the water were a blanket.
I’d done far worse in my previous life—yet here I was, blushing over something like this.
I shook my head underwater.
I still hadn’t fully calmed down, but I couldn’t make him wait forever, so I slowly stepped out of the water.
Kardin was still facing away.
Even the bird that had been crying eerily earlier had gone silent, making my small movements the only sound, intensifying the awkwardness.
After changing my clothes, I fidgeted internally. I couldn’t bring myself to approach him.
My face must have turned red again—there was no doubt about it.
When my movements stopped, Kardin spoke first.
“…Are you finished getting dressed?”
I answered as casually as I could.
“Yes. I’m done. Shall we go now?”
Why did the few steps toward him feel so short? I was already standing beside him.
Kardin glanced at me, then quickly turned his head away again.
“Your clothes are still dripping.”
“Oh.”
My clothes were getting wet from my damp hair.
I let out a quiet sigh inwardly.
As I tried to grab the towel I’d been holding against my chest, the clothes I was carrying slipped and fell to the ground.
I didn’t want him to see me flustered like this.
When he ran a hand over his face, I hurriedly said,
“I—I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
I bent down to pick up the clothes. His shoes turned toward me.
As I slowly straightened up, he draped his jacket over my shoulders.
Of course, his eyes weren’t looking at me.
“…Thank you.”
He frowned as if something displeased him, then pulled my long hair out from inside the jacket.
Seeing my hair now soaking his clothes, he turned his head away.
“Let’s go.”
He stepped forward first. I followed behind him.
We were still stepping on fallen leaves, but unlike before, there was no sound.
* * *
Kardin couldn’t even bring himself to enter the tent. He sat down in front of it and closed his eyes.
Like a man who had committed a crime, he hunched over, fingers tightly interlaced.
To anyone else, he might have looked as though he were praying.
His tightly shut face twisted into a deep scowl.
What on earth had he done?
Like a spring forcibly wound, the scene from earlier replayed in his mind against his will.
He had fully intended to wait until she came out.
Truly.
Not long after she went inside, he had felt a sacred presence near the lake—something hard to describe.
He didn’t know much about the god Gloria or the Saint she believed in, so he thought she might be offering a prayer. Until then, it merely caught his attention.
But the next sensation was subtly different.
When had he felt it before? The answer came quickly—when he had been attacked by monsters and formed a barrier with holy power.
There was no other presence. Not even the stench of monsters—only the scent of grass in the dawn air.
‘Saint. Is something wrong?’
He called out to her, but there was no answer.
He called again and again, but still nothing.
A creeping sense of unease rose within him, and before he knew it, his steps were carrying him toward the lake.
The water was calm. When he didn’t see the Saint, an indescribable feeling seized him.
Fear, perhaps—fear of losing someone he had never even lost before.
He saw a white glow beneath the water, but she didn’t surface.
She might have overexerted herself today. No—having never even ridden a horse before, today must have been truly exhausting for her.
Remembering the day she had nearly collapsed, he dove into the water without hesitation.
‘Saint!’
No matter how much he called, she didn’t respond. Thinking she might have lost consciousness, his heart began to pound violently.
When he pulled her up and she began coughing, gasping for air, a small wave of relief washed over him.
He asked what had happened, but she only stared at him without answering.
Her large eyes widened even more, and every time she blinked, droplets clinging to her lashes fell softly.
Only then did he understand the situation.
He quickly turned away, but no words came to him.
Anything he said would sound like an excuse.
Kardin thought of how flustered the Saint must have been—far more than he was.
Yet disgracefully, all that filled his mind was the image of her gazing at him, her face damp with water.
His ears burned red.
Even though she had every right to curse at him and get angry, she didn’t.
Fortunately, it wasn’t because she felt unwell.
Absurdly enough, the Saint worried about him instead.
As if afraid she might have made him uncomfortable. Even though he was the one who should have apologized a hundred times, she apologized for worrying him.
They barely spoke on the way back.
Near the tents, he remembered how she had smiled at him.
‘Th-thank you for coming with me.’
Her calm tone, her gentle smile—nothing had changed.
As if she were saying that the only one awkward about all this was him.
Kardin straightened his bent back and quietly stared at the Saint’s tent.
She was probably already asleep. It was silent—so that was likely.
Only then did he realize it.
“So it really is just me.”
Unable to calm his heated body, Kardin rose from the chair, picked up the sword beside him, and walked off somewhere.
* * *
As dawn broke and the surroundings grew bright, the inside of the tent became light enough that no lamp was needed.
My eyes, which had grown used to the darkness, quickly adjusted to the light.
After staring at the unremarkable green ceiling as if trying to bore a hole through it, I sat up.
Was it because I was uncomfortable? Or because I couldn’t sleep due to what happened yesterday?
Naturally, it was the latter.
When I turned, I saw Kardin’s jacket hanging inside the tent.
I quickly covered my mouth with both hands. I nearly made a strange sound.
It was a strange feeling.
Maybe it was because I was alone.
Memories of spending the night with him kept surfacing since yesterday, making things difficult.
Even though no one was watching, I pulled the blanket up to my chest and hid my face.
It felt like I had been letting out silent screams all night on this low bed—and it still wasn’t enough.
Whenever I thought about yesterday, my heart lost all composure and pounded wildly.
To think I’d believed I could forget it all—my own foolishness was almost laughable.
Now that I’d stopped forcing myself to forget, the feelings only grew stronger.
Dangerously so.
I used to think that as long as Kardin was alive, it would be enough—even if all I did was miss him and cry through the nights.
Voices of knights drifted in from outside. It seemed the Nicholas Kingdom knights who had stood watch overnight were returning.
Then it would soon be the Grand Duke’s turn. To head out with them against the monsters, I needed to pull myself together.
I took a deep breath and rose from the bed.
Let’s bury these feelings for now. Today, I need to be useful.
