You Died
Chapter 38……………………..
On the path to the forest, an awkwardness lingered between him and me.
Rolling my eyes, I broke the silence first.
“Is the Vice Commander feeling better?”
“Yes. Thanks to you.”
His answer came back immediately, without hesitation. I didn’t ask further and just nodded slowly.
“Have you met the Vice Commander before?”
“Pardon?”
Had I made another mistake?
I swallowed hard, ready to respond again.
“You seemed comfortable.”
At his words, I briefly recalled the moment I had faced Nox earlier.
I wondered if I had unknowingly spoken informally to him, but thankfully, it didn’t seem to be the case in my memory.
Probably.
“You looked more relaxed than when you were with someone else.”
“Ah…”
So he meant that I looked relaxed.
“Was that so? I was so shocked at the time, I could hardly think straight.”
Cardin remained silent.
He furrowed his brows as if something displeased him, yet he didn’t explain why.
As we walked, we entered a dense forest. The night sky was pitch-black for someone coming alone, and the chirping of birds announcing our presence felt quite eerie.
“Whenever possible, do not come alone. Always have someone accompany you.”
Just thinking about coming alone to a place where monsters might appear was unreasonable.
Hiding my startled feelings, I answered,
“Yes. I’ll keep that in mind.”
The leaves crunched beneath our steps.
The sound filled the silence once again.
It was awkward, but not uncomfortable. A lukewarm breeze brushed past us.
We seemed to have walked quite a distance in.
Beyond the birds’ cries came the refreshing scent of water.
Cardin pointed ahead.
“It’s there.”
Following the tip of his finger, I caught his voice again.
“I’ll wait here.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
“There’s no need to worry.”
What exactly was I not supposed to worry about?
Ah.
I realized belatedly and smiled faintly as I answered,
“With Your Grace protecting me, is there any reason to worry?”
Cardin habitually furrowed his brow again. I stared at it, tilting my head in curiosity.
“…Go ahead.”
“Yes. I’ll be back.”
Leaving him behind, I walked deeper and found a lake surrounded by the forest.
Cardin stood leaning against a tree with his back turned.
Perhaps it was because he was there that I felt safe, and I slowly began to undress.
Perhaps in this situation, it was precisely because it was Cardin that I felt at ease.
The thought struck me bitterly: the man who had always watched my back in my past life was doing the same in this one.
Would there ever come a day when I could be of help to him?
Letting out a long sigh, naked, I slowly stepped into the water.
The cold water made my toes flinch more than expected, but I quickly got used to it.
The water was clear and transparent, hard to believe it was a place marked as a monster-infested boundary.
As I went deeper, the water made soft, rippling sounds.
Soon I stopped and tilted my head upward.
Were there always this many stars? Seeing them stitched across the pitch-black night sky made my emotions calm further.
Had all that really happened today? So much had happened in just one day.
Moments of today that had felt so long passed before me.
The way I encountered a monster shortly after leaving the sanctuary.
The memory of accidentally falling asleep in Cardin’s arms.
The times we went down to the village together and healed the injured—painted like a picture in my mind.
Until then, I felt I had done my first righteous act under the name of a saint.
Yet, following that pride, what appeared to me was shame.
“Why have you come here?”
The piercing gaze of those who had never looked kindly upon me—even the likes of the Melissa Temple—was vivid.
No one had told me such words, so I didn’t realize I was walking the wrong path.
Perhaps I will never forget Raymond’s eyes and words toward me today for the rest of my life.
What kind of saint have I truly been until now?
The thought repeated itself relentlessly.
Even when I tried not to think about it, I couldn’t easily dismiss it by thinking, “Yes, I was wrong.”
I thought I had shared my sacred energy with everyone and cared for them all—but that was more than pride. It was arrogance.
Surely, there were those who resented me in the past. How much must they have resented me for prioritizing royalty and nobles while blaming the gods?
How many must have despaired, thinking the gods were not fair because they never came to them?
Even though I knew that simply extending a hand could be a miraculous act.
It was not hard to answer what kind of saint I had been.
I had been the worst saint.
So many had been neglected due to my narrow perspective; my faults were enormous. The thought of whether I could ever erase all my accumulated wrongs was frightening.
I curled my body, hugging my legs with my arms, rounding my back.
I submerged myself in water where I could hear nothing.
With the surrounding sounds blocked, my desires spoke louder.
One more goal.
The desire to become a proper saint.
In that instant, I felt the sacred energy within me opening up.
Opening my eyes underwater, I saw a faint white light mingling with blue shimmering around me.
I hadn’t intended to use sacred energy, yet I felt an overflowing power, as if the vessel holding it within me had reached its limit.
I sensed that my sacred energy had grown stronger than before.
Could this really be mine?
I recalled the sacred energy that had flowed out faster than I intended—the moment it had automatically created a protective barrier simply because I wanted to protect.
The form had been clear. Unlike blessings that simply swirled and faded around, this was different.
It was a different kind of power from the nightmares I had imposed on Fabivan and his followers.
A different kind of blessing—bringing wounds and corruption into the saint’s body to purify, unlike punishment that transfers unpurified emotions.
I remembered the moment I had created a circular protective barrier today and closed my eyes.
I felt the sacred energy move within my body again.
Even without opening my eyes, I felt surrounded by a protective shield, just like before.
It worked. It had happened again, just like that time.
It wasn’t coincidence. I could shape sacred energy into another form.
If I could cast a protective barrier, perhaps I could help the knights at the boundary tomorrow.
I didn’t know how the extermination would proceed; it was just a vague thought.
Yet, imagining that I might be able to help them brought a smile to my previously tense face.
When I withdrew my sacred energy, my breath caught sharply, and tiny droplets of water escaped from my lips.
As I tried to rise, I surfaced not by my own will but by external force.
Startled by the sudden gulp of air, I coughed.
“…My lady! Are you all right?!”
As soon as my blocked ears cleared, I heard Cardin’s voice.
I was so startled that I whipped my head around to look at him.
“Your Grace?”
He turned me toward himself and asked,
“What happened?!”
I blinked my slightly reddened eyes and shifted my gaze over his shoulder.
Why was he here, standing at such a distance from me?
“Did you use your sacred energy? What happened? Did you collapse?”
I didn’t understand why he was holding my arms with concern.
“Ah… sacred energy…”
Cardin furrowed his brows, scanning the area around me.
I unconsciously opened my mouth, studying him. The water reached deep enough to soak his pants.
He placed a hand on my cheek and asked,
“Saint, are you all right?”
“…!”
Finally, as my racing thoughts returned to order, my eyes widened like a rabbit’s.
Perhaps sensing the same, he quickly removed his hand and turned away.
Watching him turn, I slowly opened my eyes.
The water of the valley reached my chest, rippling gently.
Despite it being night, the water was incredibly clear.
It was clear enough that I could still picture myself completely naked.
