Chapter 114 ….
“…Then just put me down.”
“No.”
“Why not? Do I still need to calm down?”
“Don’t you feel the heat in your body right now? You’re burning up, and you want to sit on the cold dirt floor? Should I connect you to Senior Sera at least?”
“…”
“Just stay still. Once you’re a bit more stable, I’ll take you back to the barracks.”
While saying this, Gideon kept his gaze fixed anywhere but on her. Lillietta, confused, stared at the cloak he had draped over her.
So what was that touch just now? How was she supposed to interpret it?
He said her body was overheating, and sure enough, her head felt hazy. She couldn’t string her thoughts together any further.
Maybe it was the recoil, belatedly hitting her, from firing Twilight at maximum output—a strain she hadn’t felt while busy pulling out her horn and healing.
As she remained silent, Gideon—who had been staring blankly into space—spoke again.
“Rita.”
“…Yeah.”
“You said you saw in the chronicles that I marry Lady Dewyreborg.”
“Yeah.”
“I have a lot to say, but first… why on earth did you think I’d act exactly the same as in that history?”
“Huh?”
“Our goal is to rewrite Pascal’s history. And we’ve already changed so much. Your very existence is far removed from the original. So why did you assume that particular event had to follow the book?”
“Because… there’s no need to change that, right?”
She replied absentmindedly, and Gideon suddenly bent his head, groaning softly. He ruffled his hair in frustration and said in a disordered tone:
“Rita, honestly, I never thought you’d remember that, let alone care about it. I really didn’t. Knowing you, I figured you’d have no interest in something like that.”
“As if. It’s a friend’s marriage, after all—”
“And you think my marriage is the only one written in the Heroic Chronicles?”
“What?”
“It’s not, is it. The others’ marriages are all written too. Because their bloodlines lasted until the Ashen Era, records of their children remained.”
He turned to her and pressed further.
“Do you remember who Ethan or Senior Is had children with in Pascal’s history? What about Luca? Or Senior Sera and Ollie?”
“Of course I do. Ethan had children with the daughter of Lord Colm, Is had children with Sera, Luca married a collateral young lady of House Lascaille among the northern survivors, and Ollie married Anton of House Everett and—”
“…And none of that surprised you? Isn’t Anton—the one who married Olivia in the history—someone you know? His sister Annemarie is your friend. And according to history, Senior Is and Sera had children without ever marrying. Shouldn’t that have shocked you more?”
“Of course it shocked me. I was plenty surprised.”
“You didn’t show it at all. You acted like nothing had happened when facing them. Be honest—did you just not care? Shrugged it off and half-forgot about it?”
“Well… Sera and Is already had something going on even in the Ashen Era. They were always together long before we met them. So yeah, honestly, that didn’t surprise me much. I did kind of just accept it.”
“And Ollie?”
“That was odd, but… I just thought, ‘so that’s how it goes.’”
“See? You let it slide. Rita, you can’t even remember the names of Ethan’s and Luca’s partners, can you? Yet you remember exactly what feats and accomplishments those two themselves had. Am I wrong?”
“…”
It was true, so Rita closed her mouth.
She vaguely recalled that their names were written in the chronicles, but they hadn’t stuck with her. She hadn’t considered them important.
Besides, things had already changed so drastically since their return that she never believed the history would play out word for word.
For example, if they averted the Catastrophe, Lascaille wouldn’t be destroyed, and Lucas wouldn’t be forced to escape north with survivors.
Which meant the hardships that would’ve brought him close to that collateral young lady would never happen.
Of course, maybe some of her companions would be curious about their historical spouses and try to build those relationships anyway. Or, since things had changed, they might form ties with completely different people. Or maybe live alone this time.
Either way, it was their private lives. She had no right to interfere.
As long as none of them dragged in some malicious person who’d ruin their lives through marriage, whoever they chose, she’d congratulate and support them.
After all, Beacons who had lived as Pascal’s children in the Ashen Era and the historical heroes without that experience were bound to be different. So who they ended up with in Pascal’s history didn’t guarantee anything about reality.
Which meant there was no reason for her to memorize or care about every detail of her companions’ private lives that might change anyway.
‘…Wait?’
Suddenly, Rita stumbled over her own train of thought.
Then why did she care about Gideon’s marriage?
Everything else was changing—so why had she assumed Gideon would definitely end up with Lavinia?
Why had she kept imagining what Gideon might’ve liked about Lavinia, how they might’ve complemented each other to become a good couple? Why did she keep picturing that, as if it mattered?
“Why did you think I’d act exactly like in that history?”
His earlier question now echoed deafeningly in her head.
Right, why? Why had she thought that?
‘Hold on, didn’t I do something similar… recently?’
Yes—when she told her family about her life.
Afraid they’d find her strange and keep their distance, she had kept imagining that possibility, preparing herself mentally.
Telling herself it would be natural, even reasonable from their perspective, so she could brace her heart against the hurt.
Just like she’d been bracing herself by assuming Gideon would marry Lavinia.
‘So was Gideon’s marriage… something so shocking to me that I needed to prepare myself for it in advance?’
The realization shook her.
Of course, since she was especially close to Gideon, it was a startling thought—that someone else might become closer to him than she was.
‘I really was bothered by it… way more than I admitted to myself.’
But was this just ordinary disappointment?
As Rita sat there dazed, Gideon studied her in silence before speaking softly.
“So, in the end, you shrugged off everyone else’s marriages, barely remembering them, yet clung to mine as if it were set in stone. How am I supposed to interpret that?”
“There’s nothing to interpret. You’re my only peer, so of course I paid a little more attention.”
She blurted it out, unable to hide her confusion.
Gideon smiled faintly.
“You’re making me want to misunderstand. What should I do?”
“Misunderstand what?”
“Our relationship.”
“…?”
“Well, first let me clear up that ridiculous misconception of yours.”
He exhaled deeply, then continued:
“Listen carefully, Rita. I have no plan to marry Lady Dewyreborg. I’m not interested in her at all, and I have zero intention of living according to Pascal’s history.”
“…But in the records, it says you two got along. What if you become friends with Lavinia, realize you’re unexpectedly compatible, and then—”
“Lillietta.”
He cut her off sharply, wearing an expression that looked halfway between a smile and a grimace.
“Don’t go giving me false hope like that.”
“What?”
“It’s hard enough for me to hold back as it is. Stop saying things that make me misunderstand.”
“What nonsense is that? Explain yourself.”
“Is it just my wishful thinking clouding my judgment, or do you actually… damn it.”
He scrubbed his face hard with both hands, then kept it covered as he spoke.
“Rita, guess what I did when I first read that part of the chronicle?”
“Did you investigate Lavinia?”
“No. I threw up.”
“…Why?”
“Because it disgusted me. To think there was some other version of me, doing something I would never do. I couldn’t accept that as me. It felt vile.”
Through the cracks of his fingers, his golden eyes narrowed. His voice turned fierce.
“That’s not me, Rita. That ‘Gideon’ exists only as Pascal’s delusion. The me you know has never been the same as that bastard—and never will be.”
