Chapter 123
“One Person”
I left the knights’ quarters and headed toward the temple.
And I ran, without stopping.
At the edge of the forest, where only lanterns lit the fading night, I saw a horse running from far away.
It was carrying Roitz.
He spotted me and quickly pulled on the reins, stopping the horse.
But I didn’t stop running—I went straight to him.
“Serdin, what’s going on…?”
He got down from his horse and walked toward me—
but before he could say more, I threw myself into his arms and hugged him tightly.
I wrapped my arms so strongly around his neck that his body shook from the force.
“Why… what’s wrong?”
His voice was heavy with worry. I just shook my head.
Because when I read those letters, all I could think was—
“Roitz must have suffered so much.”
He had suffered because of me. He wrote letters to tell me everything, but he couldn’t even send them. That’s how hard it was for him.
I hugged his neck even tighter. Because of our height difference, I had to lift my heels off the ground to hold him like this. But I didn’t care.
Even though time had passed, I wanted to hold the Roitz from back then—tightly like this.
“Did something happen?”
His voice grew even softer. Though he was the one surprised, he patted my back as if to comfort me first.
That touch was so familiar, it only made my chest ache more.
“No… nothing.”
I mumbled while holding him tighter.
I wanted to ask him.
What did you feel back then?
Since when? Until when?
What memories do you carry about me?
But I couldn’t.
That locked drawer he never opened—it meant those memories weren’t ones he wanted to revisit.
And besides, I was afraid.
The moment I confirmed his answer, it felt like everything would truly end.
“Maybe… I should never have opened that drawer.”
Pandora was the name of a foolish one.
And my curiosity had given me a truth too heavy to bear.
“The man came after me again. The one who stole my sword aura.”
We sat at a tavern near the knights’ quarters.
The candlelight on the table flickered across Roitz’s face.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay. That’s why I came here.”
That’s what I said—but judging by his expression, he wasn’t fully convinced.
After all, I had lost my aura, imagined kissing him, and been saying strange things recently.
“It’s warm.”
I stretched my hand toward the candle flame. His eyes followed my hand.
But even though warmth greater than the candle sat right next to me, I kept my gaze fixed only on the flame.
“Is the temple work finished?”
“All done.”
Just then, a breeze blew, making the flame waver.
A faint heat brushed across my hand.
“Be careful.”
Before I could pull back, Roitz grabbed my hand.
“I’m someone who handles fire, remember?”
“That’s exactly the kind of person who gets burned first.”
My fingers peeked out between his large hand. With them, I poked his cheek.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
It was just… some strange mischief I couldn’t explain.
When I poked again, Roitz completely wrapped my hand, pulling it against his cheek.
“…What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
The candlelight flickered across his face, shadows dancing along with it.
Thump, thump.
My heart beat again.
By now, I thought I’d be used to it. But I wasn’t.
Thump, thump. It wouldn’t stop.
“S-so… that person. The one who stole my aura, came back again.”
Flustered, I hurried to change the subject.
“At Mansion Eona. That abandoned place near the plaza. The haunted-looking one.”
“Yes, Serdin.”
I tried to keep talking, but his voice sounded so sweet I couldn’t even focus on my own story.
“I saw him there again… actually, there were two of them. I cut one’s hair.”
I rambled a bit.
‘How did Roitz ever put away his feelings?’
Was this really something I could let go of someday?
Or would I spend my whole life like this?
Watching him be happy with Lusike, smiling brightly in front of him while secretly swallowing loneliness—like some side character in a romance novel.
The thought scared me.
“You went there alone?”
“Don’t scold me too much. I already know it was wrong.”
Wait, no.
“Actually—please scold me.”
If Roitz scolded me, got angry, treated me like a fool… maybe my feelings for him would fade.
And fading would mean not liking him anymore.
“Please. Yell at me. Tell me off for no reason. Say things that make me want to quit the Order.”
“Serdin… what’s wrong with you…”
But this heart wasn’t something I could fold away on my own. I thought maybe if Roitz helped, it would be easier.
“Hurry, scold me.”
At my childish demand, Roitz suddenly grabbed both my shoulders.
“Never go alone again. Always go with me.”
“….”
“If you go alone again, you’ll have to work with me until you’re ninety.”
What the—why did he look so handsome saying something so ridiculous?
Even his nonsense sounded good.
My heart refused to calm down.
If this continued, I’d probably blurt out a confession.
“…I’ll go now.”
I needed to get out.
“Serdin?”
He reached for me as I stood. His big, strong hand was gentle, like he was afraid of hurting me.
“You know I was joking, right? The Order’s retirement age isn’t anywhere near ninety…”
Even the way he explained the joke so seriously made my heart pound.
His broad shoulders, his solid arms—until now, I saw them only as symbols of health and strength. They motivated me to train harder.
But now…
Gulp.
I must be losing my mind.
“Serdin?”
Why couldn’t I stop staring at his lips?
If I stayed here, I’d end up confessing. Maybe even more than that.
“Ser—”
“I’m leaving!”
Roitz was dangerous!
I twisted his hand back into his and bolted out of the tavern.
I returned to the office, quickly sorted the letters, then headed toward the quarters.
“…Haa.”
My legs gave out and I collapsed on the way.
Even when I wasn’t with Roitz, my heart wouldn’t calm down.
Thump, thump. I kept thinking of him, and my chest only pounded harder.
What had happened to me?
His heart belonged to someone else now. Mine would never be answered.
I bit down hard and forced my eyes open, fighting against my mind that tried to imagine things.
“Why am I like this…”
It hurt, like sharpening a dull blade for the first time.
Was I sad because Roitz didn’t feel the same?
Or because I hadn’t realized his feelings years ago, and now it was too late?
For the first time, I felt I understood the “regretful man” often written about in romance novels.
‘Maybe I should go see Bishop Lusike.’
In novels, the second lead often let go of his feelings for the sake of the heroine’s happiness.
Maybe if I saw her sunshine-like smile, I could let go too.
“…Sister?”
At that moment, a familiar voice called me.
Cute.
“What’s wrong with your eyes?”
“No. I didn’t cry. Not even a single tear.”
I clenched my teeth as I answered.
He frowned, clearly unconvinced, then pulled out a small stone and handed it to me.
“Hold this against your eyes.”
Coolness spread across my skin as I pressed it to my eyes.
Back in Edical Forest, he had given me a warm stone. Now, this was like an ice pack.
“Can you open your eyes properly?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, right.”
I really must have looked pathetic. After all my training, I had never once trained myself to control swollen eyes or tear ducts.
Despite my insistence, Cute called a carriage and took me back to the quarters.
“Cute.”
He leaned against the window with his chin on his hand, pretending not to care. But when I called, his eyes turned toward me instantly.
“What is it?”
“Do you… still like me?”
“You’re the first person to ask so directly.”
“Have you ever liked anyone else?”
“Why are you so surprised? Did you think you were the only one I ever liked?”
“No… it’s just, liking even one person is hard. If it were many, that’d be amazing.”
“You’re wrong. Liking many is easier. The memories and feelings get spread out. Liking only one person… that’s much harder.”
“…Really? Then I guess that’s a relief.”
Cute nudged my foot with his.
“What’s the relief?”
“That you liked many.”
“…I liked one person.”
“Only one person.”
His eyes turned back toward the window.
