Chapter 44
“I’ve looked through many books, and I’d say it’s most likely that such a thing could have existed. Whether something magical like that truly happened, though… I can’t say.”
A small smile curved across Free’s face.
“I see. If such a fantastical being really does exist, I hope it might grant my wish.”
“What is Your Highness’s wish?”
“Well…”
If she had been asked this before, back then she would have said she wanted to escape the Kingdom of Ezian and live freely, no longer as a princess.
But the Free of now was different.
What would I wish for now?
It was not freedom.
Her mindset, her thoughts—everything had changed.
Yet she couldn’t put her wish into clear words.
Would I ask for him to be able to face me? Or would I ask to turn back time so that my sister could return, and I could recover the quiet comfort of my old daily life?
Whatever it was, everything came back to Algente, and Free let out a dry laugh at the realization.
“Your Highness?”
“Oh—nothing. I was just thinking how much I’ve changed, and it made me laugh. In the past, if someone had asked me about a wish, I would’ve chosen only one without hesitation. But now, it seems I wouldn’t.”
Her expression tinged with sorrow, Free lifted her gaze straight to Jeren.
“More than that, thank you, Court Physician Jeren. Thanks to you, something I was wondering about is cleared up.”
—I only hoped it would give you a bit of direction.
It was almost as if she could hear Ian’s voice.
Is this what you meant? When you said that bird grants wishes. That if one holds a doll made from the bird, perhaps their wish will come true… Was that what you were trying to tell me?
But knowing he wouldn’t give her a straight answer even if she asked, Free swallowed the question down.
“I’m glad.”
“Physician Jeren, you really seem to know so much.”
“Do I? But even knowing much doesn’t mean one knows everything.”
“What do you mean…?”
“Heh. It’s just an old man’s complaint. You see, I was cleverer than anyone. Brilliant, even called a genius as I grew up. And yet, there were still things I did not know.”
He let out his words in a lament, but Free didn’t dismiss them. She accepted them gently, with a warm smile.
“To me, you really do seem like a genius.”
“Indeed. That’s why I was confident I knew everything in the world. After all, there wasn’t a single book I hadn’t read.”
“Ah…!”
“I was the only non-royal ever permitted to enter the Imperial Library of Intellia. In the entire history of the Empire, only me. And I read every book there.”
“You… entered there?”
Free’s face stiffened at his sudden declaration.
“Yes.”
“Then… then have you ever seen this book?”
She took out the Rabbit and Bear book she had kept in her desk drawer. Jeren studied it for a moment, then shook his head without hesitation.
“No. I’ve never seen such a book. At least not during the time I had access there.”
“Ah… Then how in the world did this book end up in the library? From what Ian told me, very few people could enter, and it wasn’t even officially cataloged there…”
“After His Majesty created the library, only four people besides him entered: myself, the librarian, and Her Majesty the Empress. Recently, I’ve heard Sir Ian as well. No one else.”
Hearing his firm tone, Free’s expression hardened further.
“Is that so?”
“Yes. I’m certain. And I also know this is not the sort of book that would have been there officially. I read all of them, after all.”
“Then where could it have come from…?”
“I severed my ties to that place completely only two years ago. Even after the incident, I still found myself absorbed in its vast collection. It’s the second reason I could never leave this country.”
With a faint smile, he lifted the book Free had offered and examined its cover.
“So you stayed here for the library…”
“I had considered going to the Holy Empire of Ruhphelina, where they keep an even greater library. But for quiet reading, nothing beats here.”
“I see.”
“And so I can say with certainty: this book was not officially placed there. Which means… perhaps His Majesty left it for you himself.”
Jeren looked oddly pleased at the idea.
“Allow me to take a closer look.”
He skimmed through the entire thing with incredible speed, then wore a peculiar expression.
“Hm. I’ve looked through it all, and it’s strange indeed. This is not His Majesty’s handwriting.”
“…Excuse me? You’ve already checked it all?”
“Yes. I tend to speed-read.”
It was faster than speed-reading—more like checking that each page was properly bound. Free could not hide her astonishment.
“I did check it thoroughly. At any rate, what’s clear is that this is not His Majesty’s hand. So then—who placed it there?”
As Jeren mused aloud, Free suddenly realized why the writing had felt so strange yet familiar.
It resembled her own. She didn’t know why.
Was that why it was so easy for me to read…?
Her thoughts lingered as she gazed down at the book.
“If you wish, I can have every hand in the palace compared.”
“No. That won’t be necessary.”
She already knew—it was like her own handwriting. Such an investigation would only waste time.
“But still…”
“More than that, could you tell me what you meant earlier? About the one thing even you, a genius, did not know.”
His eyes flared as though he really would go around comparing every scribe’s hand. Free hurriedly shifted the subject.
Thankfully, it worked—his expression darkened again.
“Those who think they know everything are the most foolish. Because they act as if they were gods, believing nothing lies beyond their knowledge.”
“Did something happen?”
“Yes. I was a sensitive, exacting genius.”
His curt reply left Free waiting silently for him to go on.
“If you don’t wish to speak of it, you don’t have to.”
“No… It’s not so grand a tale. I only hesitated, wondering if it was right to trouble Your Majesty with it.”
“Having someone you can open your heart to is a blessing. To me, you are such a person, Court Physician Jeren. And I hope I can be the same for you.”
For the briefest moment, she thought she saw a smile pass across his face.
As if he had made up his mind, he began slowly.
“You see, I lived as a genius, but I never truly understood my family’s hearts. I thought—if I do this much, surely they will be pleased. I followed exactly what I read in books. But I failed to realize that people differ, that love’s size and expression vary. So when my daughter, disappointed in me for always being too busy and doing only what I must, confronted me—I became angry instead.”
Free let out a quiet breath, watching him. The man who had always seemed so confident, jovial, and bold now looked strangely sad.
That much, at least, was genuine.
“I told her she was being absurd, that I was doing my best. That it was no great matter. I said that, again and again.”
“I see…”
“And while I carried on like that, my daughter grew up, my wife passed away, and my daughter left home after her mother’s death.”
“Physician Jeren…”
“I was clumsy. I didn’t want to admit my own shortcomings. I thought myself perfect.”
He gave a hollow laugh. Free nodded quietly, without interrupting.
“And so, I didn’t go after her. I had given her everything—yet she still left me.”
“Then… the greatest reason you cannot leave this country is…”
“Yes. Because in time, my daughter returned, bringing a man I could not approve of, saying she would marry him. She hadn’t wanted to, but he had insisted on greeting me, she said. She told me she still hated her father. And do you know what I said to her then?”
“What did you say?”
“That she had found someone just like me.”
Jeren forced a smile, though his expression was tinged with loneliness.
“But the fool was me. In the end, she married him, and they live well in this country. She never once contacted me. Even when she bore a child. Even after the child grew. Looking back now… I suppose she must have resented me deeply. How much she must have hated me.”
“Is there really anything to hate? Perhaps you were both just waiting. This time he’ll call me. This time she’ll reach for me. Thinking that way.”
“…I’ve spoken too long. Forgive me, Your Highness.”
“Not at all. Rather, thank you—for sharing. Next time, I’ll share my story.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
The warm smile he gave her, the way he had always appeared like a cheerful grandfather—she finally understood that much of it had been a façade, a mask to hide himself.
“But you know, sometimes, Your Highness seems like someone who has already seen through everything.”
“Me?”
“You may not realize it, but at times… it feels as if you’ve lived far longer than I. Like His Majesty himself.”
“Ah…”
“And that is why, perhaps, I find myself speaking. Like a child wanting comfort from such a presence.”
What words could she possibly say to that?
