[14] Chapter 3. In Order Not to Love (1)
The King of the Fairies joined hands with the Emperor of Humans. The Human Emperor granted the fairy king a land named Desid, and in return, the fairy king gifted the Emperor a beautiful flower.
Thus, it is said that in one dazzlingly beautiful place in the human realm, there exists a small village inhabited by fairies. There, when you spill a glass of water, a rainbow appears, and when wine is spilled, fruit blooms on the trees — fruit that yields the most delicious liquor in all the world.
This liquor is called Heaven’s Brew, and since fairies are originally from the heavens, the name may not be so far off.
— From an unknown appendix of An Anthology of the World’s Mystical Legends
*
The merchant group had originally planned to depart for the capital right away, but their schedule was unexpectedly delayed by a few days — due to untimely rainfall. Fernciana couldn’t tell whether that was a good or bad thing, so she stayed buried under the blankets, blinking in a daze. Rain pattered against the window, filling the room with a damp, heavy air.
“Feirun, aren’t you going to eat breakfast?”
“…Ilias?”
As she squinted her eyes, Ilias’s face came into view. Fernciana pulled the blanket up a little higher. After yesterday’s intense activity, her limbs ached with sore muscles, and her lower abdomen felt like a war zone — she could hardly move.
“Yeah, I think I’ll skip breakfast…”
“Is it because of your period?”
“…Y-Yeah.”
Hearing that word spoken aloud startled her briefly before she sank back into fatigue.
“Mmm…”
“Does the pain kill your appetite? Or are you just feeling down?”
“Both…?”
“How about something warm to drink? Want me to bring you something?”
“Yeah… something warm…”
Soon, Ilias stepped out of the room. Left alone in the quiet room, Fernciana sank deeper into the bed, but the damp air made her feel even more uncomfortable. She eventually got up, wrapped herself in the sheet, and walked to the window.
She cracked open the shutter, and the previously distant rain now roared right in front of her. The whoosh of rain hit her ears sharply. Fernciana leaned by the window and quietly watched the raindrops soak the hotel garden.
It felt like the world had spun once around and she’d been running nonstop ever since — even though she hadn’t done anything all that remarkable. Just standing there, blankly watching the falling rain, made her feel as if a giant pause had descended upon her. She rested her head against the shutter.
‘The future? The past?’
If she closed her eyes, it felt like a dream. That time — now unclear whether it belonged to the future or the past — had grown hazy. At times, Fernciana wondered if she was walking on clouds.
If she were to fall from here and die, wouldn’t everything just end? Or… would she return again to the moment Serelim died?
Serelim… Mother.
Fernciana let out a deep sigh. It felt like it had been far too long since she’d last seen her mother.
The memories were faint. The last she saw of Serelim, she had been dying, pierced by someone’s sword.
Just before her candle of life was snuffed out, why had Serelim spoken only of the Emerald Tabula instead of her enemies?
Why had she closed her eyes as if going for a leisurely stroll — leaving behind not a hint of resentment or grudge? What were the ones left behind supposed to do?
No one could cry over every moment of sorrow. Grief was like a decorative picture frame hanging in one’s home — always there, but not always seen. But on days when it suddenly catches your eye, like now, it becomes overwhelming.
Fernciana exhaled deeply.
She had to go to the capital — to find out what the Emerald Tabula really was, to discover who was depicted in that portrait she saw in the Imperial Palace. Then, as Serelim had wished, she would reclaim the Emerald Tabula. And then…
She couldn’t imagine beyond that point. The future was a pitch-black blank. A time she had never lived before. After staring outside a bit longer, Fernciana closed the shutters. Even in that brief moment, her clothes and the sheet had gotten damp. She couldn’t tell whether her somber mood was because of her physical condition or something else.
Just then, the door burst open.
“Brought your meal… Wait, what are you doing over there?”
“I just opened the window for a bit to air out the room. Did you bring food?”
“Can’t let you go without eating.”
Ilias set the tray he brought onto the nightstand, carefully closed the window, then moved the food closer to Fernciana’s bedside. He then handed her a heavy pouch.
“They say holding something warm helps, so I got this for you. It’s a pouch filled with heated stones. Keep it close.”
“Wow, impressive service.”
“You better be ready to pay extra.”
With that, Ilias pushed the small table closer to her. Fernciana blinked up at him. From her perspective, nothing had changed — but Ilias didn’t seem to think the same.
“They say it’ll rain until tomorrow, so we’re leaving in four days.”
“Good…”
Fernciana murmured as she picked up the spoon. In front of her was a bowl of steaming potato soup, rye bread topped with melted cheese, and bite-sized pieces of fruit. It was clear Ilias had chosen the menu carefully, considering her lack of appetite.
“Ahahaha.”
“What? Why are you laughing?”
Ilias, who had been staring intently at the side table with a serious look, lifted his head at Fernciana’s laughter. She cupped the soup bowl in her hands, savoring its warmth.
“I’m not terminally ill, you know.”
“I know.”
“But you’re making that serious face like I am.”
“Well, I’ll never truly understand or even guess what it feels like. I’ll never experience it — so all I know is that it hurts. And not knowing is the scariest part, okay? You got that, you little brat?”
“Lucky you, being big and strong.”
Fernciana shot back, but couldn’t quite hide her smile as she carefully scooped up some soup. Ilias, sitting across from her, frowned but didn’t argue.
When she had eaten about half the soup, Ilias spoke hesitantly.
“Um…”
“Yeah?”
“I was going to book a separate room, but with the merchant group and all, someone might get suspicious… So I think it’s better if we just keep sharing a room until we reach Formilas.”
“Oh? Yeah, okay.”
“Like you said, it’s dangerous for a girl to travel alone…”
“I said it’s fine.”
Fernciana looked at Ilias, who kept trying to justify his decision, and burst out laughing again. Ilias insisted his concern was natural and justified, but her laughter didn’t stop.
That Ilias Seyran…
The very same who, a few years from now, would become the crown prince’s closest aide — the legendary informant who supposedly knew even the ants crawling across the Empire — was now desperately trying to prove that he had no ulterior motives for sharing a room with a traveling girl. In a way, his face looked almost innocent.
“You little— Quit laughing already!”
“N-No, sorry—haha—no, I was the one who said there was no need for a separate room.”
“…”
That shut her up for a bit — until she started laughing again. Ilias watched her with an exasperated expression, and when she finally quieted down, he popped a piece of fruit into her mouth.
“Still, don’t go around sharing rooms like this with other guys. Got it, kid?”
“Yes, yes.”
Was this what it felt like to have an older brother? Fernciana nibbled on the peach he’d fed her and wondered. Ilias, unaware of her thoughts, leaned on one hand and let out a sigh. Outside, the rain continued to pour — but it no longer had the power to weigh her down.
I already liked Ilias, but he has earned additional points with me as being a good guy.