9
Even after that, however, I never did manage to settle things with Felix. Whenever I came home from work, I would melt into a pleasant languor under his hands as he massaged my entire body. By the time that subtly transitioned into our nighttime activities and I finally regained my senses, I had already lost the will and energy to argue with him.
It was the same even after the group of guests left the inn. Fel didn’t do anything particularly special, yet simply having him around was subtly comforting. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say he rarely ever got on my nerves.
His lifestyle habits were quite similar to mine, so he caused me almost no trivial exhaustion. On top of that, Felix added a human warmth to a house that had previously felt needlessly chilly, making it strangely cozy. I began to think that living together was surprisingly tolerable, and before I knew it, I had completely adapted to a life with him.
Time passed, and the weather completely thawed. For the first time in a while, I was tidying up around the house. Suddenly, I heard a voice calling out to me from a distance.
“Yiel!”
Fel, returning after a few days away, was waving broadly from afar. I had been sweeping the front of the house with a broom, but upon seeing him, I felt my heart flutter violently in my chest.
It was because I caught myself feeling relieved as I watched him return without fail, yet again. I ended up realizing that his sheer existence brought me joy.
Before I knew it, he had closed the distance and pulled me into a tight embrace, and I felt a suffocating tightness in my chest. It felt like I was going to cry.
“I missed you so much.”
Felix sounded almost as if he were lamenting, and I found him unbearably endearing. I dropped the broom and placed both hands on his back. Afraid I would burst into sobs if I opened my mouth, I simply wrapped my arms around him in silence. But before long, when we pulled apart and faced each other, my emotions were ultimately exposed by the moisture that had managed to seep out. Felix’s eyes widened in surprise for a moment before he smiled softly and asked in a slightly playful tone.
“Did you miss me?”
My throat felt completely blocked, so I kept my mouth shut tight and gave a small nod. Even with that faint tremble, the tears finally breached their dam, spilling down my cheeks in heavy drops. He cupped my face with both hands and whispered.
“I love you.”
And then, he asked carefully.
“Do you love me?”
I still believed I shouldn’t say those words just to satisfy myself. However, I also didn’t want to see the face of the man standing before me become stained with disappointment.
The scales in my heart, weighing both sides, rapidly tipped in one direction. Perhaps this, too, was the result of being intoxicated by a fleeting emotion. Even so, I thought it would be fine this time.
“……Yeah. I love you.”
His bright, beaming smile alone made my confession entirely worth it, so I knew I wouldn’t regret it this time.
*
Dear beloved Meriel,
Another year has slipped by, and spring is upon us once again.
I worry greatly about how you, who detest the cold, managed to endure this past winter. Yet, at the same time, because I know what a strong person you are, I want to believe you overcame it safely this time as well.
The Hyacinth that weathered the winter on my study’s balcony is surely preparing to sprout now, waiting for spring. Much like you. Thanks to that, I had quite a difficult time, as I was reminded of you every time I looked at that flowerpot.
I had to agonize time and time again between the emotional urge to go and fetch you right this instant, and the grand cause upon which our future depends. Even though it is painfully obvious which of the two is more important.
I know that the destiny given to you, much like that Hyacinth, is ultimately a pain that must precede your blooming. Still, knowing that does not stop me from feeling a pitiful and tender ache in my heart.
Because I could not bear to pitifully break first and leave you behind, I endured these past few years with a heart-carving agony. Yet, this spring feels exceptionally slow to arrive, making me restless.
It must be because my heart flutters with the anticipation of finally seeing you. In the end, I simply could not suppress the urge this time, and so I picked up my pen.
It is a bit early, but it is time. You may return now. You have done more than enough.
I have enclosed items for your traveling convenience, so cross over to the neighboring village as soon as you finish tying up loose ends. I have arranged for a courier through the third jewelry shop, so you only need to show it there.
I shall joyfully await your return while making our nest even more comfortable and welcoming.
By the time you arrive, the spring breeze will have finally reached this place as well. Let us have teatime in the garden when the flowers are in full bloom. And let us welcome the joyous day that comes with the dawn of a new era together.
_With respect and love, from your eternal companion.
Rustle.
“Same as ever.”
Fingering the stiff, high-quality parchment of the letter, I stared at the gold necklace resting beside the envelope. It was my dowry, received from Anne during my wedding. His malicious intent in using my most treasured piece of jewelry as bait—just in case I dared to disobey—was truly foul. It meant I had to dutifully follow his orders if I ever wanted to get the matching earrings back. Even though I had no will to defy him anyway, without him having to go to such lengths.
A year and a half already. In other places, I had generally stayed for no more than seven to eight months before moving on, but I had been stationed here for an exceptionally long time.
Naturally, there had to be a reason. Not that I was going to dig into it. I had no choice but to simply hold out until they told me it was time, so learning anything wouldn’t change a thing anyway. Having too many thoughts would only bring me pain.
This time, however, it did feel a bit different. A return to the main castle, rather than moving to another region. It seemed I would be living as a settler rather than a drifter for a while.
Anyway, to think I had been seeing Felix for a whole year… when did things end up like this? As the summons was delayed, the time I spent with him had vaguely stretched on, but even that was over now.
I stood up and looked around the house. The belongings of two people were scattered here and there within the tiny space. Because of that, the area had grown more cramped compared to when I lived alone, but the addition of one more person had brought a lingering warmth to the home.
Running my hand over Felix’s belongings on the shelf, I paced slowly around the house before finally taking a deep breath. With a long exhale, I forcibly shifted my thoughts.
Let’s go back.
From then on, I didn’t hesitate anymore, moving with brisk efficiency. I burned the letter, fastened the necklace around my neck, and tucked it beneath my clothes. I wrapped a scarf over it, completely concealing any risk of it being accidentally exposed. It was the tail end of winter, but the air was still sharp, so my attire didn’t look out of place.
Finally, I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and left a fairly short letter for Felix. I wrote that an urgent matter had come up, forcing me to leave, and that I would never return to this village or to him. I declared my farewell with absolute certainty so he wouldn’t hold onto any lingering attachments.
Felix was currently away. He had made his nest in my house, but at his core, he was still a drifter, so he periodically left the village. And when he returned a few days later, he would always bring back a large sum of money and shove it into my hands. He would abruptly say, ‘Take it.’
Then he’d tell me to quit my job at the inn and use the money to manage the household. He said he would earn the money, so I should just stay safe and cozy in this house and wait for him. Because the outside world was dangerous and full of bad guys.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted by that offer, but in the end, I never quit my job at the inn. I always kept the thought in the back of my mind that Felix might fail to return before I had to leave this place, guarding myself against growing too dependent on him.
But Felix always came back to me. Even though I was inwardly relieved every time, now that I was the one leaving first, I couldn’t help but think that it would have been better if Felix had chosen not to return much sooner—even if it would have made me a little sad.
I found myself hoping that, at the very least, he would make that choice now. It wouldn’t matter if my letter never reached him, as long as his heart wouldn’t be filled with sorrow.
I folded the finished letter in half, placed it on the table, and lightly pressed it down with a flower vase. Then, packing only a little travel money, I left the house.
The only person I met before leaving the village was Yumir. Even though she must have been put in a difficult spot by me quitting so suddenly, she simply wished me well wherever I went.
Afterward, I headed to the neighboring village, just as the letter had instructed. Entering the third closest jewelry shop from the entrance, I pulled out the necklace and showed it to the shop owner, who then handed me a box and spoke politely.
“Clothing has been prepared in the private room.”
I obediently changed into the prepared clothes and then opened the box the shop owner had given me.
A pair of earrings, the matching set to the necklace I carried, lay inside.
