Chapter : 03
“Chase after Kim Dae-myung! You go first!”
I ran without looking back. At that moment, Kim Dae-myung was about to get into a Mercedes. The car’s headlights shimmered in the darkness.
“Stop right there! Kim Dae-myung!”
I screamed like a demon.
“Boss, get in quickly!” “Did that bastard chase us all the way here?”
Kim Dae-myung frowned at my relentless pursuit.
“Let’s go, Boss!” “Understood.” “I told you to stop!”
I shouted and ran with all my might.
“Block him!” “Too late!”
I increased my speed, stepped on the trunk of the Mercedes, and rolled over onto the hood. I slammed my knife into the side of the tire, then leaped onto the hood and struck the windshield with the hatchet I had tucked into my waist.
Crack! Crack! Zzzzt!
The windshield was made of tempered glass, shattering into hundreds of pieces, and the car came to a halt.
“Fuck!”
The gangster in the driver’s seat shouted.
“I can’t see in front!” “Get out. Everyone get out.”
The gangsters guarding Kim Dae-myung jumped out of the car. Kim Dae-myung also opened the door and stepped out. He stood behind the gangsters who were facing me.
“Boss, we will handle this.” “That’s enough.” “Sir?” “Just leave him.” “But…” “I said leave him.”
Kim Dae-myung looked at me. His gaze was full of pity.
“That guy is only living for today. What more can you do to someone who has no tomorrow?”
Kim Dae-myung said to me.
“Do you even know what you’re doing while swinging that knife?” “Shut up.”
I glared at Kim Dae-myung and shouted.
“You don’t know, do you?”
Kim Dae-myung nodded.
“That must be why you swung your knife so ruthlessly. How many did you kill today? One? Two?” “What does that matter?” “One means 10 years, two means a red badge. Do you know that?” “…” “Do you even know what a red badge is?” “…” “It’s for death row inmates.”
My heart sank. But I didn’t show it.
“A dead man talks too much.”
Kim Dae-myung smirked.
“You think I’m going to die?” “I’m going to kill you.” “Right. And after you kill me, then what?” “…” “You think your future will be a paved road after killing me? That’s what they promised you, right? That if you take out Kim Dae-myung, the organization will take responsibility until the end. Eun Chil-sung told you that, didn’t he?” “…!” “How do I know? I’ve ordered the same thing myself. That’s why I know well. The kind of promises guys who come at me with those eyes are given.” “Cut the crap.”
I scrunched up my forehead and shouted. Kim Dae-myung sighed.
“Poor kid. You’ve been discarded.” “…” “You were just used. And Eun Chil-sung miscalculated today, too. That guy is going to get dragged down with you, so don’t blame him too much.” “That won’t happen.”
But I couldn’t stop my lips from trembling.
“Trembling, are you? You know it too. You probably prepared yourself for about 10 years. Still, at around thirty, it’s an age where you can start something. You probably thought you could run three or four nightclubs after you get out. That’s what you were promised, right?” “…” “But if you’re a death row inmate, the story changes.”
Dada-dak! Dada-dak!
“Drop the knife!”
Just then, police officers with pistols rushed into the underground parking lot.
“Police! Don’t move!” “Put down the knife!”
Kim Dae-myung looked at me.
“Look. They’re already here.” “Damn it…!”
I took a step back, gritting my teeth.
“If you want to live, drop the knife. You’ll spend over 10 years in the joint, but unlike me, you’ll have a chance to live a new life.” “…” “If you give up now, you can start over.”
My hand holding the knife was shaking violently.
“Your hand is shaking. You’re scared.” “I’m not scared.” “Liar.”
Kim Dae-myung said to me.
“You’re just like I was when I was young. But I, at least, moved while thinking. You have no thoughts at all.” “…” “Have you thought about your parents? You have a mother, right?” “…!” “Do you believe the organization will take care of your parents? Really?” “…” “Gangsters don’t have things like that. The most ugly, cowardly, and disloyal thing in the world is the gang you trust and the ‘loyalty’ they scream about.” “Drop the knife! This is your last warning!”
The police shouted while aiming their guns. I glanced back at the police aiming at me. Then I looked at Kim Dae-myung again. They and I were in a straight line. I grinned.
“Why are you smiling?” “Just because.”
Grind!
I bit my molars and lunged at Kim Dae-myung.
“Shoot!”
Bang!
A single gunshot rang out.
“Argh!”
I was hit in the thigh and collapsed. Falling to the floor, I grabbed my thigh with one hand. Blood was pouring out.
“Subdue him!”
The police rushed over and kicked the knife out of my hand with all their might.
“Let go!” “Stay still!”
The police struggled to subdue me, and I resisted like a madman.
Thump!
“Ugh!”
My breath was cut short as I was kicked in the solar plexus by a policeman’s boot. My strength drained away.
“Get him up.”
The police subdued me and hauled me up. But because I had been shot in the thigh, I couldn’t stand properly.
“Boss, are you alright?”
A policeman approached Kim Dae-myung and bowed briefly.
“I’m fine.”
Kim Dae-myung walked toward me.
“Boss, if you get too close…” “It’s fine. That guy can’t do anything now.”
Kim Dae-myung stood in front of me.
“What’s your name?”
Even in my agony, I glared intensely at Kim Dae-myung.
“Why do you ask?” “Just curious.”
Once again, Kim Dae-myung looked at me with pity. In that moment, for some reason, I felt like I had to tell him my name.
“Kang Do-sik.” “Kang Do-sik. How old are you?” “Twenty-two.” “Twenty-two…”
Kim Dae-myung made a pitiful expression.
“A young kid, what a pity. What are you going to do now?” “Ugh…”
At that moment, the pain rushed back in, and I grimaced with a groan.
“Life, you know, has moments where you absolutely must not make a mistake. There are also moments when you must judge accurately. You missed both today.” “…” “Gangster loyalty? Don’t trust it too much. There never was such a thing as a cool, loyal gangster from the start. You lived your life in vain. And the truly unfortunate thing is, you’ve lost the chance to live a meaningful life from now on.”
Thump!
At Kim Dae-myung’s words, I felt my heart sink without me knowing.
“If you are reborn after you die, live without making mistakes or failing. If you want to be a gangster, don’t grow your fists, grow your heart. Of course, that’s if you can be reborn.”
At that moment, my vision blurred. Suddenly, I saw a courtroom. The judge struck the gavel.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Kang Do-sik, Death Penalty!”
I felt the phantom sound, shuddered all over, and opened my eyes.
“Death penalty…”
I muttered with a trembling voice, and my mind was filled with the instinct to live. And once again, I put my hands together and sang a hymn like a madman.
“The love of that great God~ Joyfully, the bells of heaven ring~”
But no one said anything. I was a death row inmate, and no one bothers a death row inmate no matter what they do. It’s only a loss for them if they start a fight for no reason. Whether you kill one person or two, you’re on death row, so to other prisoners, I was a fearful existence.
Step! Step! Step!
Just then, two prison guards walked over hurriedly.
Bang bang! Bang bang!
“Number 1555! What is it this time?”
The guard knocked on the steel door, opened the observation port, and said.
“Lord Jesus! Have mercy on us and…” “Hey. Number 1555.” “…”
I stopped singing and bit my lip.
“You’ve been quiet lately.” “I’m sorry.”
The guard frowned and clicked his tongue.
“Another nightmare?” “Yes.” “Do you do that every day?” “Almost.” “…” “I’m sorry.” “If you’re sorry, be quiet. Other people need to sleep.” “Yes.”
The guard sighed.
“Are you eating?” “It doesn’t go down well.” “Eat anyway. You’ll collapse if you don’t.” “Yes.” “Singing hymns is fine, but stop at dawn.” “Yes. I’m sorry.” “Go to sleep. It’s almost morning.” “Morning…”
My hands were shaking.
“Is it morning already?” “Why? Are you afraid of the morning?” “…” “Number 1555.” “…Yes.” “Are you alright?” “I’m alright.” “You don’t look alright.” “…” “Tell me if it’s hard.” “Yes.” “Go on. You have to sleep for the morning to come.”
The guard closed the observation port.
Step! Step!
The footsteps faded. I sat on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. At the word ‘morning’, I bit my lip and shook without realizing it. People who live with expectations for tomorrow wait for the morning. But I am afraid of the morning coming.
I’m afraid when the moon sets. I’m afraid when the sun rises. I’m afraid of having to tremble in fear in that morning.
When morning comes, the Ministry of Justice begins its work. I am always afraid of the morning, wondering if my death sentence will be carried out, and I welcome the setting sun. I feel like I’m going to go insane. No, maybe I already have.
“God…”
I put my hands together and muttered.
“Please… save me…”
There was no answer. I stayed awake all night, waiting for the morning. The morning that I feared, yet could not avoid.
◆ ◆ ◆
Prison hallway.
“Do people really have premonitions?”
One prison guard said in a low voice, frowning at the guard walking next to him.
“You said he’s been cleaning the ‘necktie factory’ (the execution area) for a few days?” “Shh! He’ll hear you.”
They lowered their voices, but they couldn’t hide the anxiety hidden somewhere within. The day before an execution, an inmate volunteering to clean was an old omen.
◆ ◆ ◆
Daylight broke.
There was no trace of the madman who had been thrashing about at dawn; I read the Bible with the calmest heart possible. Again, I don’t believe in God. Even so, I sang hymns and read the Bible at dawn.
“Well, there’s nothing much to do here.”
I muttered to myself, but that was just an excuse. It was because of my anxious heart. Perhaps I became obsessed with the idea that if I believe in God, my sins will be forgiven.
“God, you said you would forgive a guy like me? Is that true?”
No one answered. Of course not.
I lived for 10 years with this anxious heart. Because I didn’t want to die, I struggled and lived, trying my best. To get my sentence commuted to life imprisonment, I studied like crazy and passed the GED for high school graduates and earned dozens of certifications. I got technician certificates from electric welding to special welding, and I even got a civil engineering technician certificate.
“Did I have a talent like this?”
I was surprised myself while studying. I realized that I had quite a bit of aptitude.
“If I had known sooner… No, if I had known sooner, would anything have changed?”
But the problem was that I found out that fact too late.
“No. It would have changed. It definitely would have changed. But what’s the point now, after all this time.”
The reason I earned so many certifications was solely to survive, to get my sentence commuted to life imprisonment. But I was still a death row inmate.
“10 years, 10 years. What have I been doing all this time… I have thirty certifications. Thirty. So what? What has changed?”
Maybe the people who were at the hotel banquet hall where I went to kill Kim Dae-myung are still exerting pressure on the Ministry of Justice. Not to commute it to life imprisonment.
“Those people… they must think they are gods. Is it that fun to hold and shake my one life?”
Their influence was strong enough to penetrate the thick walls of the prison, and my fate was dangling at the tip of their fingers. And lately, I’ve had ominous premonitions. My dead father keeps appearing in my dreams, looking at me and gesturing for me to come over. Every time that happened, I woke up screaming in a cold sweat.
“Father, why do you keep appearing… Please, stop it. I’m not going yet. I’m not going.”
Every time I woke up from sleep, I muttered that to the empty air. Even though I knew no answer would come.
Step! Step! Step! Step!
I listened to the approaching footsteps and was startled.
‘There are two people.’
“…Already? No, it wouldn’t be. Not today.”
I bit my lip hard without realizing it. Those footsteps echoing through the prison corridor always felt like the drums announcing my fate.
“Please, please just pass by. Go to someone else, not me. Please.”
The Bible in my hands became damp.
◆ ◆ ◆
End Of Chapter : 03
