Chapter 5
“Where are you going, LeShua?”
The moment I entered the manor with Ash, I ran straight into my father coming down the stairs. He lowered his voice in that stern way of his and glanced at Ash before asking me.
I smiled brightly, trying not to show any sign of disturbance.
“It’s mealtime. Father, where are you going this early in the morning?”
“…I was on my way to the dining room.”
“The dining room? You never used to have breakfast, saying you had no appetite.”
“I’ve ordered that breakfast be taken from today onward. It’s not good for the body to remain fasting in the morning.”
Of course, the butler following behind him looked completely bewildered, as if hearing this for the first time.
Thinking that my father had suddenly begun insisting on breakfast he had never once eaten in his life just because he disliked me and Ash being together made the whole situation absurd. I had always thought he wasn’t that petty. Had I misunderstood him all this time?
In the end, I had no choice but to separate from Ash and eat apart.
The cook, suddenly ordered to prepare breakfast in haste, served the meal nervously. My father, however, only lightly ate some vegetables before putting down his fork.
“…You’re already finished?”
“I heard that eating less is healthier than overeating. This is enough.”
This was the man who almost never left food behind, always saying it was the cook’s sincerity. I had even told them to control portions appropriately—but he didn’t touch even a single piece of meat.
So it was obvious. He was deliberately forcing himself to eat something he didn’t even want. To think my father would behave like those “daughter-loving fathers” one only hears about in stories. What on earth was so wrong with Ash?
“Father. About Ash… is there something you don’t like about him?”
“Well. He seems to have a fair bit of awareness and some education, so I assume he was properly schooled.”
His expression turned slightly reluctant at the mention of Ash, but his evaluation was surprisingly generous. It felt like he couldn’t find any flaws and was displeased about it. For my notoriously strict father to acknowledge him meant Ash really was no ordinary person.
“He’s recovered quite a bit now, and he said he doesn’t really have anywhere to settle. Since he’s skilled in swordsmanship and educated as you said, wouldn’t he be useful to our count’s household?”
“A man who claims he has nowhere to settle doesn’t seem particularly attached to this place. Don’t grow too attached to him until he decides to stay of his own will.”
So that was why my father had been wary. He must have been more concerned because I had been openly close to Ash.
Now that I thought about it, if Ash truly intended to settle here, he would have first built relationships with the manor staff. But he had kept his distance from them and seemed interested in nothing other than sword training and rehabilitation.
Maybe I had been too hasty. Maybe I was trying to force something that wasn’t mine to force. I couldn’t help but reflect on that.
Even so, I still wanted to know more about him. I knew it would only lead to regret if I gave my heart to someone who might leave, but for some reason, I felt that the memories I shared with him would remain good ones even years later. So I decided to allow myself a moderate level of interest.
Every day, at the same time, I would take a walk in the garden—and somehow, he always began to appear there at that hour too. It made me feel like he was waiting for me, which secretly made my heart flutter.
“Do you like asters? You always seem to be looking at those flowers.”
“Asters wilt easily if they dry out even slightly, so they require careful maintenance. But it seems the gardener of this estate puts great effort into tending them. Watching it makes me feel I should learn from it.”
“Caring for lives that cannot speak—whether animals or plants—is difficult without affection. That’s true for everything, really.”
He nodded in agreement and looked down at the flowers again.
So I stood beside him and asked carefully,
“Come to think of it, I never even asked your age. Ash, how old are you?”
“I was ten when my mother passed away… and since this year marks the fourteenth anniversary of her death… I’m twenty-four.”
I was surprised not only that his mother had died when he was young, but also by his strange way of calculating age.
“What kind of way is that to calculate age?”
“This feels more certain.”
I was twenty-one this year, so he was three years older than me. A perfectly appropriate age, which made me quietly satisfied. I had assumed he was older because he seemed so mature. Had he been forced to grow up too early?
“Your mother also passed away, Ash… that must have been hard.”
“I was too young at the time, so my memories aren’t very clear. More importantly… isn’t the day you rode into my carriage the anniversary of your mother’s passing?”
“The exact date was two days before that.”
Whenever he talked about his mother, a hint of sadness showed on his face. At times like that, he would quietly stay by my side and look up at the sky.
He once said that when he was injured and unable to move, he had forced himself to crawl to the window just to look at the sky. So I followed his gaze.
The winter wind carried a chill as the slightly overcast sky turned a pale gray.
“Do you like the sky?”
“When I look at it, I realize how vast the world is. While I struggle and live trapped in such a narrow existence, the sky embraces me with unchanging beauty. I like that feeling.”
Strangely, it felt as though the sky had stolen him from me. I even wished he would feel that way about me instead.
Feeling petty for no reason, I realized—somewhat belatedly—that I had developed special feelings for him.
“Do you have a wife?”
“Not yet. If I did, I wouldn’t be spending such peaceful time here so calmly.”
“That’s true. May I ask what you did before?”
“I received heir training according to my father’s wishes.”
I had so many questions, but I held myself back. It sounded like I was interrogating him. Still, I couldn’t help being curious since he rarely spoke about himself.
So I carefully chose questions that wouldn’t offend him. Though vague, he did answer.
“What was the place you lived in like?”
“It was certainly not as peaceful as this place. This peace feels almost like a dream to me, and I fear it might break at any moment.”
“Do you like this place?”
“No one could dislike this place. For those who have experienced a hellish world, it must feel like heaven.”
The more he spoke, the more curious I became. Just what kind of life had he endured? If he had received heir training, he must have had a promising future. Perhaps his family had not been peaceful.
“If it ever becomes uncomfortable for you that I keep asking questions, just tell me. I only ask because I’m curious about you.”
“It is not uncomfortable. However… there is one thing I regret.”
“A regret?”
“I’ve become quite curious about what kind of life you, LeShua, have lived as well.”
My heart thumped.
His gaze, always fixed on me, now carried curiosity about me—and my cheeks grew warm.
It wasn’t as if I had any impressive life to speak of. Yet he listened to me so attentively, reacting to every little thing I said, that I began to grow even more fond of him.
Perhaps it was because he wasn’t approaching me with any particular motive. Despite not being close, we were able to talk so comfortably—I hadn’t expected that at all.
And because of that, I could feel something like trust forming between us. I was happy that he showed interest in me just as I did in him.
It felt like I had everything in the world.
As time passed, I realized he was someone I got along with remarkably well. Even silence between us wasn’t uncomfortable.
My heart, however, never stayed calm.
Being with him simply felt good. I hadn’t felt loneliness much before, but now, without him, I felt empty. Even when I slept alone, I thought of him and missed him. Even when I saw him, I wanted to see him more.
I had never felt this even toward my parents.
He loved animals as much as I did. His manners were so refined it was obvious he had been raised in nobility. He disliked jewelry and anything overly decorative.
There was clearly some story behind the ornate sword he always carried, as if it were part of his body.
“That sword… how long have you been carrying it?”
“It is my father’s keepsake.”
“…Ah.”
Only then did I fully understand that he was completely alone, without anywhere to belong. Perhaps he had been a noble whose family was lost in the recent plague. Or perhaps he wasn’t even from our kingdom.
“Miss. Watching you two, you really suit each other.”
“That’s right! It’s like seeing the young master and lady of Count Mariel’s household again. The count was so kind to his wife back then.”
Occasionally, the servants would speak warmly of my relationship with Ash, and I felt both embarrassed and happy.
If he continued to stay by my side, maybe I could experience the kind of love my parents once shared. That thought made my feelings deepen even more.
And I began to quietly hope that Ash might slowly open his heart to me as well.
Not long after, the plague finally subsided completely, and the capital was reopened.
Upon hearing the news, my father personally traveled to the capital.
He said the capital had been left in ruins after the plague, and even the count’s manor there would take time to restore.
He also reported that His Majesty the King and the Crown Princess—the king’s eldest daughter—who had temporarily taken refuge in a villa, were both safe. A royal order was issued instructing everyone to refrain from visiting the capital until it was fully stabilized.
