#99. The Token of Luck (1)
Pavel touched his lips. It still felt like the warmth and sensation of Sasha’s lips lingered.
He ran his rough fingertips across his lips, smiling faintly. His behavior seemed unusual.
The servants, noticing Pavel’s odd behavior, glanced at him curiously.
“What happened at the title ceremony? Or was it at the ball?”
But no one dared to ask him directly, so they kept their curiosity to themselves and focused on their work.
Just then, someone spoke.
“Did something fun happen?”
A bold man walked in, speaking casually to Pavel.
“…What do you mean?”
Pavel removed his hand from his lips and returned to his usual expression, asking. Nikolai shrugged.
“You’ve been smiling for a while now. I’m curious. If something fun happened, let us know. After all, it’s better to celebrate good things with more people—”
“Shut up.”
The smile left Pavel’s face as he responded sharply.
“If you have time to ask such nonsense, why don’t you pick up a sword and practice again? You might want to if you want to stay alive.”
Nikolai stepped back, startled by Pavel’s harsh response.
“Oh, really? Well, I’ll be swinging swords until I get bored, so I was planning to avoid the swords for now and focus on some entertainment.”
He said it with a tone that showed he was thinking about the upcoming battle in the North.
Pavel, who would also be going to war soon, looked at Nikolai with a disapproving gaze.
However, he didn’t bother to reply, as he didn’t want to talk to Nikolai any longer.
The conversation continued anyway.
“Don’t worry, there won’t be any need for that anytime soon.”
A deep, older voice interrupted. Pavel and Nikolai turned around.
Igor Medvedev was standing in the doorway. He was wearing a helmet, armor, and a sword at his waist.
“Master, or should I say, Count now?” Igor chuckled.
Pavel, who had grown up before Igor’s eyes, now a grown man with a title, seemed a bit strange to Igor, who was proud and amazed.
Knowing this, Pavel answered.
“Call me however you prefer, Count.”
“Then, Count, it’s time to head down.”
“Understood.”
Pavel, who had guessed something important was happening by seeing Igor in full armor, immediately stood up.
“Also, you, come with me.”
“Yes, sir.”
Igor, the commander of the knights, looked at the untrained, sloppy new knights with a dissatisfied expression.
However, he soon became his old self, a friend’s father, and asked, “Where’s Andrei?”
“Andrei? That guy—”
Nikolai, who usually called his friend informally, suddenly stopped, feeling uncomfortable about talking roughly in front of his friend’s father.
Noticing this, Igor laughed and continued the conversation.
“Is he at the training ground?”
“Yes, yes.”
“Hmm.”
Igor murmured and then turned to Nikolai.
“Bring him too.”
Nikolai’s face stiffened at the serious tone.
“Understood.”
As Pavel was about to open the door, he overheard the conversation and frowned.
They were calling for Nikolai and Andrei too. What was going on?
When Pavel reached the stairs, he saw Dmitri and some knights, all fully armed.
Dmitri, who had been giving instructions, turned around when he heard Pavel’s footsteps.
“Pavel.”
“I heard you called for me.”
“Yeah. I have something to say.”
Dmitri gave a few more instructions to his aide and then fully turned to Pavel, leading him to an empty room nearby.
They sat across from each other at a small table, and awkward silence filled the space between them.
“….”
“….”
The silence was heavy. Although their conversations had become smoother over time, thanks to Sasha’s efforts, it was still hard for Pavel and Dmitri to talk without Sasha around.
Pavel felt uncomfortable in this situation, not knowing why Dmitri had called him here.
“….”
“….”
The silence dragged on. Pavel raised his hand to adjust the collar of his shirt, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the collar that reached up to his neck without a tie.
“…Pavel.”
“Yes?”
After a long pause, Dmitri finally spoke, almost like confessing something.
“I’ve only wronged you.”
Pavel’s face stiffened at the unexpected words. Dmitri, seeing this, took a moment before continuing.
“There was a time when I couldn’t face you because I missed your mother. Her death and your birth happened at the same time, and when I looked at you, it reminded me of her. I couldn’t bear it. It was my weakness.”
“….”
Pavel quietly listened, observing Dmitri’s vulnerable side.
Dmitri continued, trying to express his thoughts.
“I still miss her, but I realized too late that I shouldn’t have neglected you, who were right there, just because I was chasing the shadow of someone I couldn’t meet. I’m sorry.”
“….”
Pavel recalled the painful memories of his childhood, when he had heard his father’s raw feelings.
His father’s desperate cries, wishing that his mother had survived instead of him. The anguished words that he should never have existed in the first place because his mother died giving birth to him.
Despite his efforts to forget, those words still lingered, growing the darkness within him.
The reason Pavel couldn’t love himself was because he had always seen himself as worthless, unloved even by his closest family.
But after the truth of Count Tula’s crimes was revealed…
Pavel had forgiven Dmitri, hearing his apology. The feelings of resentment had faded because of Sasha’s presence in his life.
Pavel now had someone precious to him. Because Sasha cherished and loved him, he no longer needed to cling to anyone else.
“I think I resented you, Father.”
Pavel’s words broke the silence. Dmitri lowered his head, though he had already guessed as much.
“But now, I don’t.”
The words were sincere.
Pavel no longer longed for his father’s affection or suffered from his resentment because Sasha had become his center.
“I accept your true feelings.”
But that was all.
Pavel’s words were plain, neither adding nor taking away. Even after he spoke, Dmitri didn’t lift his head for a while.
Pavel wondered if his father might be crying. He felt a slight regret, wondering if he had been too cold, too distant in his response.
He had never seen his father weakened by someone who wasn’t his mother.
Knock. Knock.
The sound of a knock broke the silence.
“We’re ready.”
The voice from outside made Dmitri raise his head.
“Understood.”
Dmitri responded with a hoarse voice, then turned to Pavel.
“Pavel.”
“…Yes?”
“Just a moment. I want to hold your hand.”
Pavel didn’t hesitate and reached out his hand at Dmitri’s careful request.
Pavel wore thin leather gloves to avoid exposing himself to other people’s emotions.
Dmitri stared at the gloves before asking again.
“Would it be alright if you took off the gloves?”
Pavel hesitated for a moment, then answered.
“…Yes.”
When the gloves were removed, his hands were revealed—hands that once were delicate but now scarred and calloused from harsh training.
Dmitri took Pavel’s hand, gently running his fingers over the rough joints, then holding it in his own, covering it with his large hand.
“….”
“You’ve grown so much…”
Pavel’s shoulder tensed slightly. With their bare skin touching, Pavel could feel Dmitri’s thoughts clearly.
Dmitri was thinking of the small baby Pavel once was. The little one who had been so fragile that it was hard to hold his tiny fingers.
In his emotional confusion, Dmitri had stayed away from his newborn son for a long time after his wife’s death, caught in his anger and sorrow.
But then one day, hearing a faint cry, Dmitri had gone to the room and found his son lying in a cradle, crying.
His son, who didn’t look like his late wife at all but looked just like him.
“Ahhh! …Hoo?”
The baby stopped crying as soon as he saw Dmitri, staring at him with wide eyes.
The moment their eyes met, Dmitri was once again filled with anger.
“Because of this child…”
At first, he had blamed his son for his wife’s death, thinking that if the child hadn’t been born, she would still be alive.
He had said things that shocked even him. He hadn’t realized how much his feelings had controlled him.
