CH:19
If this was how it was all going to end, then she should never have involved Ivan in the first place.
That thought brought a faint smile to Amelia’s lips. Ever since Ivan had died in the fire, she’d thought the same thing every single moment. That’s why she couldn’t even cry properly. She had practically killed him herself—what a farce it would be to mourn him with tears. In Ivan’s eyes, it would be nothing more than crocodile tears.
“……”
She should have just accepted from the beginning that this was her fate. If she had, she could have died in pain and agony alone, and spared him from it all.
Amelia bit down hard on her lower lip, then relaxed. She rose from her seat and approached the man kneeling on the floor. Even as she reached for the cloth covering his face, he didn’t flinch. He too was steeped in learned helplessness, just as she was.
“Both of us… what a pitiful pair.”
She was just about to remove the cloth from his head—when the knight who hadn’t yet left grabbed her wrist.
“Why?”
Amelia asked, puzzled. The knight, his face still hidden under a helmet, pulled her hand completely away from the cloth, then slowly removed his own helmet. Amelia blinked in confusion, unable to comprehend the sudden action.
“……”
The sharp lines of his jaw were the first to emerge. Even under the dim candlelight, his high nose and features cast soft shadows across his face.
“…Ivan?”
The moment the helmet fully came off, golden hair glimmered like sunlight. Even in the weak flicker of a few candles, it sparkled just the same.
“Ivan… is that you?”
Had she gone mad? Was she hallucinating?
Amelia took a trembling step forward, reaching out to touch his face at arm’s length.
“It’s me.”
The moment her hand touched his warm skin, Ivan spoke.
“You’re alive…”
Her voice cracked mid-sentence, and her hand trembled uncontrollably. Ivan gently clasped her shaking hand, and at his steady grip, a wave of relief crashed into her.
He’s not dead. He’s alive.
She hadn’t been able to cry properly—not since that day Louis accused her of killing Ivan. She had smothered her emotions and repressed her heart.
Don’t cry. You don’t have the right.
“I thought you were…”
But he’d survived. She hadn’t killed him.
That realization brought a tide of emotion—painful yet joyful. Her face crumpled, and tears burst forth uncontrollably.
“You’re alive. You’re right here.”
Ivan rested his forehead against hers and whispered softly. As if to lend her his warmth, he wrapped his arms around her trembling body and held her.
“I’m so glad. So… so glad…”
Amelia traced Ivan’s face with both hands, sobbing and laughing at once. Her tears blurred her vision so badly she could barely see his face, but just knowing he was there in front of her gave her a nearly maddening sense of peace.
“W-why did you come here?”
But that relief was fleeting. Amelia’s face went pale.
“If they find out you’re here… then you really will die.”
If Aaron discovered Ivan was alive, he would never let him go. Even if Ivan were already in eternal rest, Aaron would have dug up his corpse just to defile it.
“Run. You have to get away.”
Amelia’s body trembled like a leaf, as she imagined the worst.
“You can’t die. Please.”
“You said we’d go together.”
“I can’t. I… I can’t go.”
Amelia clutched Ivan’s arms and shook her head desperately.
“If I run, they’ll all come after me.”
“……”
“Aaron will find me no matter what—and he’ll kill you.”
No one could kill Amelia. She was the priestess—the one and only pillar holding this place together. They’d kept the secret so well and for so long, controlling who knew it, that there was no replacement.
But Ivan was different. He was just a commoner. Even if he quietly disappeared or died, no one would move to help his grieving family. He’d simply vanish into the void.
“I can’t watch you die because of me.”
Amelia sobbed and shook her head. She never wanted to hear of Ivan’s death again. She never wanted to fall into that pit of despair—body and soul—ever again.
“Then are you going to sleep with that man?”
Suddenly, a cold voice pierced her ears. Overwhelmed with fear and emotion, Amelia froze.
“……”
Slowly, she lifted her head. Her vision was still too blurred to see Ivan’s expression clearly.
“For your heir… are you going to spend the night with that man, Amelia Escleef?”
Ivan reached out and wiped her tear-streaked eyes with his thumb. After a few passes, her vision cleared. At last, she saw Ivan’s expressionless face, and the man still trembling beneath the sack over his head.
“I…”
Amelia hesitated. When she’d thought Ivan was dead, she’d believed it didn’t matter who she was with or what happened to her. But now that she knew he was alive, everything had changed.
The other man visibly flinched—perhaps he had felt the coldness in Ivan’s gaze shift toward him.
“I…”
If she were to allow herself to be with someone, she had always hoped it would be Ivan. Every time she thought of his death, every time her feelings surfaced too late, that wish followed.
“I can’t… hear that you’ve died again.”
“……”
“I can’t bear that twice.”
She bowed her head. Her forehead met the firm surface of Ivan’s chest.
“So what are you trying to say?”
Ivan asked, his tone suddenly irritated. For someone who had risked everything to come here just to keep his promise to take her away, Amelia’s answer was far from satisfying.
“I won’t ask you to take me and run again. Just pretend I never made that wish.”
Ivan let out a short, incredulous laugh.
“Then what?”
“……”
“Just give me this night.”
But the next words that left Amelia’s lips were an entirely different wish. A flicker of surprise flashed across Ivan’s gemlike eyes.
“Just for this night… don’t let me fall into another man’s arms.”
At least for the first time. That was all she wanted now. She couldn’t bear to push Ivan toward danger, and she couldn’t bring herself to let go of him completely either.
“That’s all you want?”
“Yeah.”
Ivan asked, and Amelia forced a smile, hoping her face didn’t look as unnatural as it felt.
“……”
Her awkward, stubborn smile—Ivan stared at her face for a moment, then let out a low sigh.
“Alright.”
His answer came more easily than she’d expected.
“But having an audience isn’t really my thing.”
Ivan pulled the cloth off the still-kneeling man’s head. As the man squinted at the sudden light, Ivan pulled the helmet over his head.
“Take off your clothes.”
Ivan’s voice came out as a threatening command, not kind in the least. The dark-haired man trembled as he untied the laces on his shirt and took it off. Ivan, too, removed his armor and the clothes beneath.
“……!”
Startled, Amelia quickly turned her back to him. Ivan let out a deflated laugh—it was amusing, considering she was the one who’d asked for this night. Being surprised by him undressing was a bit much.
“Go outside.”
“O-outside… where?”
“If you’ve got a brain, you’ll know anywhere but here.”
Ivan’s tone changed completely when he responded to the man, as if issuing a sovereign’s decree. The commanding chill in his voice made Amelia flinch.
“Exit through the west gate.”
Ivan ordered coldly. The man dressed in Ivan’s gear nodded rapidly and hurried out of the room.
“……”
The door closed, and only Amelia and Ivan remained. Flustered under his gaze, Amelia simply clenched her trembling hands.
“Wait.”
“What?”
She’d been bowing her head to avoid Ivan’s eyes, but now she looked up at him.
“If that man leaves wearing your armor… how are you going to get out later?”
She grabbed Ivan’s arm, concern etched in her voice.
“Who knows.”
“Then we have to stop him now.”
Amelia took a step as if she might run out after the impostor immediately.
“And get caught in the middle of the hall?”
What would she even say after stopping the “knight” walking out of her chambers? Ivan’s question hit right at the weak spot.
“But…”
Amelia looked up at Ivan, eyes brimming with tears once again.
“Forget everything else.”
Ivan gently cupped her jaw with his large hand.
“This night… is all we have left.”
Then slowly, he leaned down.
