Chapter 7
Kang Ha-yeon was incredibly light.
More than a dozen men were positioned under the lift, and once they secured their footing, they safely caught her as she fell.
After lowering Kang Ha-yeon down, everyone’s eyes turned to the steel plate lying on the floor.
Thinking that could have fallen on top of her…
Even in Bangkok’s heat, a chill ran over me.
Kang Ha-yeon’s manager came running in a panic and checked her injuries, especially her face.
Thankfully, she didn’t seem hurt on the outside.
Kang Ha-yeon stared at me like she wanted to say something.
Then, as if words failed her, she gave up and let the staff carry her away.
And after that…
I could feel everyone looking at me.
The event staff were staring suspiciously at me because I had said something was wrong with the lift.
The members of First Light were looking at me in disbelief, since I’d shown up after two years working as a manager.
I already had severe stage-related anxiety.
Having over twenty pairs of eyes turn toward me made me shrink.
I pulled my cap down and hurried toward Park Hee-young.
At times like this, her seniority was the best shield.
The moment Team 1 saw me, everyone started talking.
“Maknae, your arm!”
“I’m totally fine.”
“My heart is still racing.”
“Why did you go there? Security was there!”
The scolding poured down.
I mean, I’m not a child.
I’m the tallest person on our team…
Right after the accident, the venue turned cold for a moment.
But things were quickly organized and rehearsal moved on.
There was a live broadcast tomorrow.
There wasn’t time to stay in shock.
* * *
It was a night that required alcohol.
And I had reasons to drink anyway.
I joined a drinking table in the hotel bar where Park Hee-young’s ex-boyfriend, Song Kang-won, was drinking.
Several staff members were there too.
I ended up sitting down and drinking.
After I was somewhat drunk, out of obligation, I brought up a topic I wasn’t curious about at all.
“Hyung, can I ask you something?”
“…About Hee-young?”
“Yes. I can’t ask noona directly.”
Actually, I didn’t need to ask.
Every time Park Hee-young drank, she told me everything about Song Kang-won.
Why they dated.
Why they broke up.
There was almost nothing I didn’t know.
The only thing I didn’t know…
Was how Song Kang-won felt about her.
Because every time she tried to call him, everyone rushed to stop her.
It had become routine.
So the two had never actually reconnected.
On the surface she acted cool with him, almost American-style.
Inside…
Not at all.
Which made me curious.
Was Song Kang-won actually “American-style” cool?
I hadn’t even asked the question yet.
And suddenly tears welled up in Song Kang-won’s eyes.
What is this lunatic doing?
Then he slammed the table with a hand like a pot lid.
“In my life, there’s only Park Hee-young! Even if I’m born again! For me!”
“…Ah.”
American-style coolness is a myth.
Even Americans would reject that label.
I realized they were both still hung up on each other and making a whole melodrama out of it.
I wanted to end the conversation.
Too late.
“Even if I’m born again!”
“You just said that.”
“For me, huh? For me there’s only Park Hee-young!”
Looks like he had bad drunken habits too.
I’d heard they broke up not because feelings faded, but because her insane schedule kept marriage talks from progressing.
Their feelings hadn’t cooled.
But getting back together after a public breakup wasn’t simple.
Meanwhile, like a proper spy, I was diligently texting Park Hee-young live updates.
Then Song Kang-won, who had suddenly buried his face on the table sobbing, lifted his head.
“I should call Hee-young.”
“Ah, hyung! No, you can’t!”
His manager, used to this situation, quickly snatched his phone.
And because a manager understands a manager’s pain, even I rushed in to help stop the huge drunk actor from causing a scene.
Then, just when Song Kang-won suddenly went quiet—
Park Hee-young appeared at the bar entrance.
Small glittering clutch in hand.
Baseball cap.
Leggings.
Hoodie.
She walked over and grabbed Song Kang-won by the collar.
“H-Hee-young?”
“Be quiet, you drunken mess.”
The same Song Kang-won who ignored his own manager…
Quietly let himself be dragged away by Park Hee-young, whose waist was as thin as his forearm.
His manager watched and dropped into his chair.
“I feel like I should stop them, but I don’t have the strength, Manager Cheol…”
“You do know my real name isn’t Cheol-soon, right?”
“It isn’t?”
Now I had to go around explaining my own name.
Anyway…
No matter how close we were or how much I liked my singer, once she wasn’t beside me it felt like work was over.
My heart felt lighter.
I kept drinking a little longer, sharing manager grievances with Song Kang-won’s manager.
Later, before going back to my room, I went into the convenience store in front of the hotel to buy cigarettes.
And there was Hwang Saebyeok wearing a bucket hat.
“Huh?”
“Huh.”
He was covered up, but his bleached hair sticking out under the hat screamed idol.
I bought my stuff and headed out.
He followed without buying anything.
“Hey, listen.”
I worried he was about to say something emotional about old memories.
I’d had a drink, and I was in a gloomy mood.
Thankfully…
Hwang Saebyeok was dry as ever.
“How was our stage?”
“How was it? It was what it was.”
“Seriously. Honestly.”
“Honestly? It was bad.”
He asked for honesty, so I gave it.
And he grumbled.
“Even as an adult, you still say things too bluntly.”
“You told me to be honest.”
“What was bad?”
“Everything. You delinquent high schoolers in suits singing about proposals and marriage. Do you think women can relate to that?”
“…Really?”
“Four of your members have older sisters, right? Did you ask them?”
“No. I’m not close to my sister.”
“What does that matter? At least ask women around you if it makes their hearts flutter.”
We were talking again after two years.
And it was exactly the same as before.
Our humor still clicked.
Even saying little made us start laughing.
During The Idol Chosen by the Nation, the whole show was basically endless team projects.
We fought constantly.
Yet somehow always quickly made up, because both of us usually recognized our own fault first.
Back at the hotel, I gestured while about to smoke.
“You go sleep.”
“Sleep? We have a live broadcast tomorrow. We need to keep practicing.”
“Where?”
“The room An Juwon and I share. It’s the only room with a full mirror, so the members practice there.”
These guys were absurdly diligent.
How did people this diligent fail?
While I lit a cigarette, Hwang Saebyeok stayed beside me.
“I honestly feel something’s off too. I can feel something’s wrong. But I don’t know what.”
“What are you talking about?”
“No, I’m telling you, I feel it.”
“What feeling?”
I take back saying we clicked.
Maybe we don’t.
He grew frustrated because he couldn’t explain.
Then snapped,
“Stop smoking. You’re barely grown.”
“Saebyeok, I guarantee I’ve spent more time driving as an adult than most people in their thirties.”
I meant it.
Since becoming an adult, all I’d done was drive and drink.
Is my life okay?
Hwang Saebyeok squatted beside me.
“We’ve released two mini albums, right? Neither got any response. No, worse than no response. Interest keeps dropping. Even YouTube views keep dropping.”
Maybe he’d been drinking.
Or maybe the accident earlier made him feel life’s emptiness.
He was unusually honest.
“I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
“Hee-young noona said as a rookie she also felt dragged around by schedules. You’re just rookies. Once you build years, it’ll get better.”
“What if I never get those years?”
I had no answer.
Anyone who’s been a trainee knows the feeling of walking through a tunnel with no visible end.
You’re heading toward the exit called debut.
But you know there might be no exit for you.
Too old at twenty to keep going forever.
Too far gone to turn back.
He had thought debut would end that hopeless life.
But the group had already been disbanded once.
Then after two mini albums, response only kept dropping.
Hwang Saebyeok was exhausted.
I replayed First Light’s stage in my head and casually said,
“Come to think of it… it’d be better if you showed more ambition.”
“Ambition?”
“Yeah. Like… rookies saying we’re going to take over the music industry. That kind of boldness.”
That was when—
A status window appeared.
[The first chapter as a producer begins.]
[First Light Digital Single]
[Keyword ‘Ambition’ has been registered.]
…Huh?
Who decided that?
Whether I was dumbfounded or not, the window vanished without explanation.
Uneasy, I continued.
“And fans like seeing unity too. Something clearly showing group solidarity. Like… one team, one goal.”
[First Light Digital Single]
[Keyword ‘One Team, One Goal’ has been registered.]
What?
Everything I say gets registered?
I stared at the status window in disbelief, then asked Hwang Saebyeok,
“Your next release is a digital single?”
“How do you know?”
“Guess. Do you have the song yet?”
“The A&R team is still discussing. This album’s really important. We got lots of demos, but I guess none feel like this is it.”
…Really?
Maybe I’d become shameless from even a little working life.
Half joking, half serious, I said,
“I’m preparing to compose these days too.”
That’s what connections are for.
Moments like this.
“You compose? Have you made anything?”
I thought I’d only learned driving in Team 1.
Turns out I learned other things too.
The moment Park Hee-young heard I was studying composition, she told me this:
“Cheol, I’ve noticed something. There are kids who compose with no network, no skill, no nothing. Among those clueless ones, the ones who succeed the most are surprisingly… the shameless ones.”
“Shameless ones?”
“Yeah. The ones who knock on doors with nothing. They send obviously low-quality tracks everywhere. Then brag they’ll bring a proper hit soon. Their salesman ego is bigger than their composer ego.”
“…”
“But strangely, later on, those kids survive more often than the really talented ones.”
“Yeah, of course I have stuff.”
I bluffed.
And Hwang Saebyeok replied,
“Really? Send it to our company’s A&R team too.”
“Why send it to A&R when I know you? I can send it to you.”
“…Uh.”
“Your team would use it, right? You can judge first.”
Given my current skill…
If I sent it to A&R, it would absolutely get filtered out in blind review.
My quality was rock bottom.
So I decided to try being shameless.
And then—
The status window appeared again.
