Chapter 54
Seid bounded over in no time. Since I had already spoken with Hoyeon, it seemed she had opened the door for him.
The child standing in front of me had a dirty face. It was covered with sand, and there were even some crayon marks here and there.
What on earth had he been doing to end up like that? I looked past Seid. The other children were playing in the dirt. It looked like they were building sandcastles.
The crayon marks…
The culprit was Cloen. His hands were smeared with crayon, too.
When our eyes met, Cloen flinched and quickly turned his head away.
So he played a prank.
It seemed Cloen still wasn’t fully comfortable with Seid.
In fact, Cloen looked more covered in crayon than Seid’s face did.
Anyway, since it was my child who had acted out, I sighed, took a handkerchief from my pocket, and wiped Seid’s cheek.
Seid closed his eyes.
“If you go back this dirty, won’t they get suspicious?”
“It’s fine. I’ll just say I was playing in the forest.”
Seid replied with a goofy grin. Then, all of a sudden, he grabbed the hand that was wiping his cheek.
“Ciela.”
“Hm?”
Seid rubbed his cheek into my palm. His plump, soft cheeks filled my hand.
His sudden action made my eyes go wide.
He’s like a puppy.
“I really like it here. I like Ren, and Idy, and Rodi, and Cloen, and Jack—and most of all, I like you, Ciela.”
With his face still pressed into my palm, Seid smiled happily.
“I wish I could have lived here too.”
“Hey! I told you not to flirt with our director!”
At that awkward moment when I didn’t know what to say, Cloen couldn’t take it anymore and dashed over.
He yanked Seid away.
“You’re playing with me!”
Cloen shouted and dragged Seid off. I worried he was being too rough, but seeing Seid’s carefree smile, it seemed I had nothing to worry about.
The kids are all getting along well, too.
The sight of them all playing in the dirt filled my vision.
Then a pleasant breeze blew by, and I instinctively looked up at the sky.
The bright blue sky was full of fluffy clouds, and the sunshine was warm but not too hot.
Everything blended together into perfect harmony.
I wish things could stay this peaceful.
As I looked up, my gaze drifted naturally toward the second floor.
And at that moment, I met the eyes of someone watching from a window.
Jack? How long has he been standing there?
Maybe it was just my imagination, but his expression looked frozen—icy cold.
It was the first time I had ever seen that look on Jack’s face. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
Jack was the first to turn away.
When he disappeared from the window, an inexplicable unease welled up inside me, and I hurried back into the orphanage.
I was about to rush upstairs when I suddenly stopped.
Reason belatedly caught up with me.
Am I overreacting?
I looked down at the foot I’d already placed on the step, ready to run up.
Sometimes I think I’m too sensitive when it comes to Jack.
Because among the children, he’s the one whose death is foretold.
And not just that.
I knew how much Jack sacrificed as the eldest, so I felt an even stronger urge to take care of him.
But maybe my fussing only makes him feel burdened.
I lowered my foot back down.
Maybe he had just been looking outside, and I panicked for no reason.
“Why aren’t you coming up?”
The voice from above startled me. I looked up.
Jack was standing there, looking down at me from the second floor.
Just how long had he been watching me from there?
I can’t see his face clearly.
There was a window right in front of the stairs, and the backlight made it impossible to make out his expression.
All I had to rely on was his voice.
“Jack.”
“I was waiting for you to come up.”
His tone was flat, but beneath it was a tangle of emotions.
The only ones I could make out clearly were disappointment, regret… and hurt.
Step.
Step.
Jack descended slowly, one step at a time, until he stopped with only one step left between us.
Since he was originally just a bit shorter than me, standing one step above put us at eye level.
Up close, I could finally see his expression.
Now that I thought about it, Jack had gradually begun to show more of the emotions he once kept tightly locked away.
I had come to recognize when he was happy, when he was sad… when he was struggling or weighed down by pressure.
But now his face was so mixed with feelings that it was hard to read.
“…Maybe I should have just been selfish.”
A strange violet hue flickered in his brown eyes.
He looked at me with the expression of an abandoned puppy. His trembling lips revealed his conflicted heart.
I couldn’t understand what he meant.
Selfish? What is he talking about?
“Jack… did something happen?”
Worried, I asked carefully. Was something wrong with his lessons?
But Leonard seemed very pleased.
If not that, then what could be making Jack so unsettled?
He looked at me, his eyes wavering.
Then he asked again.
“Why didn’t you come up?”
His question made me flinch.
It felt like he had struck right at my heart. I couldn’t answer easily.
Explaining the reason would mean telling too much.
I stayed silent, but Jack didn’t look away. His eyes demanded an answer, leaving me no escape.
With a sigh, I finally replied.
“I’m always worried about you, Jack.”
“…”
He looked at me with an unreadable expression and asked again.
“Why?”
“Because…”
Because you’re the one fated for the most tragic end among the children.
In the original story, Jack dies when Cloen is eleven. Less than a year from now.
After that, everything falls apart. The orphanage burns at the hands of knights. The children scatter as they flee.
Cloen becomes Duke Creyman’s adopted son. Ren takes on all kinds of dangerous work to protect young Rodi.
And Rodi, in turn, must fight endlessly as a gladiator to protect Ren.
Jack’s death doesn’t just end with him. It sets off a chain of ruin. And of course, Jack must never die in the first place.
Death is always lurking around him.
That’s why I paid so much attention to him, more than the others. Whenever something seemed wrong, my body moved before my reason.
But how could I ever explain that?
And even if I did, he wouldn’t understand.
After opening and closing my lips, I barely managed to say,
“Because you don’t talk to me.”
“…?”
“When you’re hurting, you don’t tell me. When you’re lonely, you don’t say so. That’s why I worry more about you. But I also thought my concern might feel like a burden to you, and that’s why I didn’t come up.”
That was the truth, too.
If Jack could be open like Cloen or the others, I might feel more at ease. He had gotten better, but he still didn’t reveal his feelings easily.
Of course, that wasn’t wrong. Everyone has their own way. After living closed off for so long, I couldn’t expect him to suddenly open his heart.
It was just… my own unease.
As soon as I said it, I wondered if I’d made a mistake. But then I heard Jack’s soft voice.
“…Then, is it okay if I’m honest?”
His unexpected words made me look up.
Was it my imagination, or did his brown eyes look even more violet now?
I stayed quiet, then answered softly.
“Of course.”
“…Then I’ll say it. Before, I said it was fine when Seid came, but actually, I hate it.”
“…”
“I don’t want Seid intruding here. More than anything, I hate seeing him get close to you.”
After speaking, Jack looked away, embarrassed.
Watching him, I quietly asked,
“Are you scared?”
“….”
“Afraid Seid will take something that’s yours?”
He didn’t answer. That was answer enough.
I gave a faint smile and reached out, ruffling his brown hair. I could feel his startled gaze.
He’s grown taller, hasn’t he?
When I first met him, he was so small and frail he looked no older than Cloen.
Now he had grown taller and filled out, and above all, his expression was brighter.
“The most precious thing to me is you kids. That will never change.”
“…”
Jack, who had been looking down, lifted his gaze. I gave him a warm smile. His eyes trembled.
“It makes sense to feel uneasy. There’s nothing shameful about it.”
“…I just feel childish and selfish.”
“You’re not selfish. It’s a perfectly natural feeling.”
In short, Jack was afraid that Seid, who suddenly appeared, might steal away my love and attention.
From the children’s perspective, Seid was a good companion—knowledgeable and carrying fascinating things.
He was a good influence for them to learn from and broaden their horizons. That’s why I allowed him to visit.
But at the same time, Jack feared my affection would be taken by Seid.
