CHAPTER 22
Though his unusually handsome face was etched with conflict, to Louisa, it only made him seem ashamed of her resolve.
And from Louisa’s perspective, it was understandable.
His actions—trying to break off their engagement by exploiting her weakness—were disgraceful and unbecoming of a holy knight who served the divine. It was only natural that Louisa’s expression grew colder.
‘Ugh, what a dilemma. I really can’t afford to turn this down. If I say I won’t meet the imperial healer, would he take it back?’
Her hands, which had trembled with excitement at the mere thought, now threatened to tremble with regret.
She believed the imperial healer probably wouldn’t realize anything right away, but with people, you could never be sure. That’s why she didn’t want to meet him in the first place. And now he was even bringing up a healing priest—it was maddening.
‘Whatever. Let’s just do it.’
Louisa tightly shut her eyes and opened them again. If she kept her mouth shut any longer, he seemed ready to drag both the imperial healer and the priest straight to her house. So, it was better to satisfy his curiosity to some degree.
“…I’ve actually been debating whether to tell you.”
A convenient excuse had just presented itself. She decided to use it to redirect his attention. Closing the lid of the box, she folded her hands neatly on her lap.
“What do you mean?”
“Our family doctor diagnosed me yesterday.”
At her calm reply, Raphael’s brows furrowed.
“He did? What’s the diagnosis?”
“It’s called Yeokseongwi. It’s a rare disease discovered in a country to the east—you probably haven’t heard of it.”
“Yeokseongwi… Then can treatment begin immediately?”
He murmured the unfamiliar name under his breath, then added the question with a solemn expression. His clear, transparent eyes reflected Louisa’s surprised face.
“…Yes.”
Her voice lacked confidence, but it was a positive answer. Immediately, a smile spread across Raphael’s face. And in the deep, vivid blue of his eyes, a fleeting, indescribable emotion passed through.
His reaction was so unfamiliar, it left Louisa even more flustered. It looked as though he was genuinely relieved and happy—which made no sense to her.
‘Why is he making that face?’
She’d been planning to use her diagnosis to brush everything off, saying she just needed treatment now. But his unexpectedly sincere expression caught her off guard and made her give a different answer than she’d planned.
She had believed he was simply trying to use her illness as an excuse to break off the engagement. But now, his reaction made her wonder if there was something more—causing a slight inner conflict.
‘Strange. It feels like I’m missing something…’
Louisa stared hard at Raphael, as if trying to pin down the elusive discomfort. Her gaze burned like fire—so intense that it snapped Raphael out of his thoughts.
He belatedly stiffened his expression, realizing he had reacted instinctively. For just a split second, he wondered, Why did I do that? But Louisa had no way of knowing what passed through his mind.
Thinking it was pointless to overanalyze, she decided to chalk it up to a sense of decency on his part and set aside her strange suspicions.
“Ahem. That’s good news.”
Raphael cleared his throat awkwardly and turned his head to the side. He fidgeted with one ear, and his golden eyelashes fluttered gently.
‘…He really is impossible to figure out. Still, I guess this works in my favor.’
She could just say she needed to stay home and focus on treatment. If she held out long enough, the real heroine would eventually appear, and the engagement would naturally fall apart.
Louisa smiled faintly, hiding her true thoughts.
“Yes. So for now, I plan to refrain from going out and focus on my treatment.”
“Ah, that sounds wise.”
Raphael casually lowered his hand and looked back at Louisa. Her gaze had lingered on his flushed ear, brushing it briefly as she looked at him.
“So, I think we should postpone our meetings for a while…”
“I’ll come here instead.”
Their replies clashed in the air. Both startled, their eyes met midair.
“Ah… You must be busy, there’s really no need to go out of your way! It wouldn’t be proper for you to be entertained here every time, either.”
Louisa recovered first. Her calm reasoning was met with silence as Raphael quietly mouthed a single word:
‘Out of your way?’
It felt like sand had gotten into his mouth—dry and gritty. A strange, unpleasant feeling started creeping through him.
‘Is that really said out of consideration for me?’
For the first time, he began to doubt.
Until now, Raphael had assumed—without question—that Louisa liked him. But that one trivial phrase now hit him like a hammer.
A ripple spread across the calm lake of his mind. Louisa’s expression, once hazy like a fog, now appeared sharply clear, like a focused lens.
He couldn’t understand why Louisa’s nervous glances didn’t look like the kind someone makes when they’re worried about how the person they love will respond—but rather like someone who fears being contradicted or rejected.
‘She seems… annoyed?’
Was it just his imagination?
‘Lady Blake? Annoyed… with me?’
Raphael felt himself slipping into a spiral. Maybe he was misinterpreting things because he didn’t want to be engaged to her? Or… maybe Louisa truly didn’t feel that way?
And if it was the latter—then what would that mean?
A thought flashed through his mind—one he had never considered before.
‘…What if Lady Blake doesn’t like me at all?’
Raphael’s blue eyes trembled violently.
Andy looked at Raphael, who sat deep in thought, with a bewildered expression.
Something was very off about him today.
Earlier, he had suddenly asked for the holy water he’d been receiving regularly. Then, despite the rain, he’d insisted on taking a carriage somewhere, and now he had returned looking utterly lifeless.
He hadn’t moved a muscle since stepping into the office, frozen in place like a statue on his desk.
This wasn’t the usual Raphael—committed only to duty, indifferent to personal matters, and untouchably perfect as the paragon of a holy knight commander.
‘I probably shouldn’t think this, but… it’s like something’s come loose…’
Something must have happened while he was out. Now that Andy thought about it, he’d come back empty-handed. Maybe he gave the holy water to someone.
Who could he have given it to?
Curious, Andy cautiously approached with a report in hand.
“Commander, please review this report.”
Raphael didn’t respond. He didn’t even flinch, his eyes still staring blankly into space. Andy’s concern grew.
“Commander?”
“…”
“Commander!”
“…Ah. You’re here.”
Oh wow—this is serious.
Raphael was usually so sensitive to presence, yet he hadn’t noticed someone standing right in front of him calling his name. Something big had to have happened.
Andy looked at him with deep concern, then, struck by a sudden thought, hesitantly asked:
“Is the young lady doing alright?”
She had seemed seriously unwell yesterday. Maybe that was why he was like this. Judging by Raphael’s sharp gaze suddenly fixing on him, it seemed he had guessed correctly.
“She seems to be,” Raphael replied in a subdued voice.
Someone who didn’t know him might think that was normal—but Andy, who had served at his side for years, could tell it wasn’t.
‘Did he just say “seems to be”…? He’s always been so composed—never emotional!’
Andy’s eyes lit up with resolve.
‘This isn’t just any issue. I can’t brush this off.’
With the nagging sub-commander out of the office, this was his chance. When else would he have an opportunity to talk like this?
Even if he got scolded later, Andy decided he had to ask.
“Did something happen?”
“No.”
He didn’t expect a straight answer anyway. Andy smoothly continued, as if he’d anticipated it.
“Commander, they say a burden shared is a burden halved. If you’re stuck, talking to someone else can help.”
“…”
“Who knows? Maybe I could be of help. Even just venting can be a relief. You can trust me.”
“…It’s really nothing…”
But his voice trailed off like he was half-convinced. Andy noticed the furrow forming between his brows.
A long silence followed. Andy decided it was better to wait than to push further. And when Raphael finally glanced at him—at just the right moment—Andy nodded encouragingly with a warm smile.
“…It’s just… strange how someone can suddenly seem like a completely different person.”
Andy’s approach had worked. Watching Raphael reluctantly begin to speak, he clenched his fist behind his back in triumph.
‘Yes!’
He cheered inwardly while maintaining a calm, neutral face.
“Are you talking about the young lady?”
“…”
“Commander?”
“…No.”
That’s a yes.
The pause had confirmed it. Andy pretended not to notice and gently prodded:
“Hmm, it might be a bit different in my case, but I actually noticed something myself yesterday, so I think I get what you mean.”
“If you mean Lady Blake…”
“Yes. It was my first time meeting her yesterday, and she was so different from the rumors—I was really surprised.”
“Different from the rumors?”
