Chapter 71
I can’t sleep.
After tossing and turning, Shanelika finally sat up.
It was better when she had a fever and was in pain. Back then, even if something weighed on her mind, her body would tire out and she’d eventually fall asleep. But now that her condition had improved, she hadn’t been able to sleep properly for days.
Her eyes fell on the three large instruments placed near the window. They weren’t the kind of instruments that should be left unattended in a room like this, and yet, Shanelika thought that it was only thanks to them that she had managed to endure another day.
Everything feels meaningless.
Shanelika had to remain here until her human body fully healed and she became a mature dragon. That was a duty, not something she wanted. Maybe that was why—she had no desire, no will, no yearning to do anything.
Even worse than this endless idleness was the thought of the future—the endless years that awaited her after becoming a full dragon. She had only lived 199 years so far, but the life that stretched ahead would be unimaginably longer.
And yet, before she had even truly begun, everything already felt broken and wrong.
It wasn’t that her bond with her life partner—meant to share a dragon heart with her forever—was ruined. No, that wasn’t it. It was simply that her connection with a once-human man had vanished overnight. From a dragon’s perspective, it had only been a fleeting diversion, nothing more.
So technically, nothing was wrong.
But from Shanelika’s perspective, it was dire. To have nothing to look forward to in life—that was catastrophic.
For 199 years, she had lived in her lair imagining all the things she’d do once she became a full dragon. She’d meet the gods and learn why she became a dragon. She’d fly wherever she wished, live as she pleased, maybe even experience different lives in other forms if she grew bored.
But before any of that could happen, without her choice, everything had ended. All that was left was emptiness and despair.
If every day already felt unbearable, what would she do with the ten thousand years still ahead of her?
Perhaps it was because she remembered being a god that her sense of time differed from other dragons. Just the thought of enduring that endless stretch left her suffocated with fear.
A long life with nothing to do, nothing to desire. Horrifying.
At this rate, she would likely spend most of her years in slumber, like the other dragons. At least in sleep, she would not feel this gnawing emptiness. That would be her only comfort.
Her gaze lingered on the instruments by the window. Several strings on one large stringed instrument had snapped—the result of her rubbing at them over and over today until they finally gave way.
Those instruments were the only things she clung to in order to survive the monotony. Playing them had become a fixed routine, as natural as eating or sleeping. Which was why they grew worn and broken.
“……”
In the pale moonlight reflected on the instruments, she saw the familiar face of a black-haired, black-eyed man.
‘Lady Shanelika.’
She could almost hear that gentle, sweet voice.
‘Would you take my hand?’
Even now, her fingertips seemed to remember the electric jolt she’d feel whenever their hands brushed while walking together.
‘I always regret parting.’
His burning black eyes, which used to linger on her every night before they went back to their separate rooms, hovered in her memory.
‘I like you, Lady Shanelika.’
But that gentle, fiery man no longer existed in this world.
“Haa…”
Her eyes grew moist, but no more than that.
There was no reason to cry. He hadn’t died—he had never truly existed. He was just a fleeting dream, appearing for a while and then vanishing when the time came.
“Urk.”
Her stomach churned.
Shanelika slid off the bed and sat before the instruments. She began plucking and striking the strings at random. She didn’t care that it was late at night. Even instruments meant to be played with a bow, she plucked roughly with her fingers, producing harsh, jangling noises.
And that was the problem. When left still, her mind would drown in emptiness and despair, so she would drag out memories of the human Derwin.
‘That’s proof you’re still a hatchling.’
The words of someone who looked like him but was not him stabbed at her heart. Unlike her, he had been able to draw a cold, clean line between the past and the present.
I’m ruined. I experienced my first fluttering love in that blurry state—neither fully dragon nor fully human.
It’s torture, living trapped in the same cycle of thoughts every day.
‘So let’s just not bother with each other and kill time. What else is there to say?’
Again, those words of the man in human form—Lord—resurfaced.
“……”
Her frantic fingers stopped.
Kill time.
She looked at her stinging fingertips, raw from plucking the strings.
I really am doing exactly as he said. Just wasting time on things I never used to do.
A faint chuckle slipped past her lips.
While she busied herself with meaningless distractions, Lord was surely living the same daily life as the human Derwin had once lived. Guarding Lydia as her knight, training in the Cartel estate after work…
And I’m just wasting away in confinement until I recover, while you live as if nothing has changed?
Her eyes narrowed. The thought struck her as almost funny. She was doing exactly what Lord had told her to. Without meaning to, she had fallen into the same pattern.
But then, from beneath the heavy sand of emptiness and despair that had buried her heart, something new began to stir.
Why do you get to live as before, while I sit here meekly waiting for time to pass?
Resentment rose within her, swelling until it hardened into resistance.
Yes, life felt empty, and she had no grand desires. But neither did she want to live caged, wings broken.
Lord had said he only kept living Derwin’s human life because it was easier than starting a new one for just a short time.
Then why couldn’t she do the same? Even if the Derwin she knew was gone, his body still remained in the human world. And she still existed too.
If every game ended in emptiness, then why not enjoy it until that emptiness came? Isn’t that the very point of play—to savor the moment itself?
Lord stayed in the human world under the pretense of protecting his hatchling partner. Shanelika had no reason she couldn’t do the same.
She didn’t have to just wait in silence. Even if the end of emptiness was despair, she would face it when it came. For now, she would live as she chose, without regret, and end things only when she decided.
A sharp glint crossed her mint-green eyes.
Fine. I’ll live as a human for a while. If you can do it, why can’t I?
Twiiing.
Another string snapped under her rough fingers.
The birthday banquet of the King of Campton Kingdom.
The Great Hall at the heart of the palace was far larger than any banquet hall Shanelika had ever seen. She had attended banquets before, but none compared to this.
The Great Hall only opened twice a year—once for the New Year’s banquet, and once for the King’s birthday. It was so vast that the far end could not be seen. Successful merchants hauled in wagons piled high with gifts. Nobles and even wealthy commoners could attend, so the number of guests was staggering.
“Your Majesty, happy birthday.”
An endless line of people stretched forward, each taking turns to bow and offer their congratulations to Eleusis. Yet their attention was less on the birthday king, and more on the woman at his side.
The fiancée of foreign translator and knight Derwin Cartel, and the woman currently residing in the King’s private palace.
Tonight, the center of everyone’s attention was not Eleusis, but Shanelika.
For the first time since his coronation, Eleusis had entered and stayed at a banquet with a woman by his side. And that woman was Shanelika.
Eleusis gave no explanation. He didn’t announce her name at the entrance, nor did he introduce her to anyone.
He simply stayed beside her.
But no words were needed. Everyone could see how deeply their king was enthralled by the radiant, beautiful woman glowing beside him.
From their places in the Great Hall, guests whispered endlessly as they looked at the pair on the dais before the throne. But their glances also shifted elsewhere—to Shanelika’s former fiancé, Derwin.
“They must’ve broken the engagement, right?”
“Of course. Everyone already gossiped about her staying in the palace, and now His Majesty has brought her here openly.”
“And the way he can’t take his eyes off her…”
“Do you think there’ll be some kind of surprise announcement tonight?”
For those who knew nothing of the true circumstances, Shanelika’s past, present, and future made for irresistible gossip.
Eleusis, however, remained silent. He was fully aware of what people were whispering, even if he couldn’t make out the exact words. The sidelong glances told him enough.
But truthfully, he had expected this the moment he decided to bring her.
Because of her fragile condition, he had constantly worried for Shanelika, who rarely left the palace. She had once gone out for walks, but after her encounter with Derwin, she had locked herself away completely. That was why Eleusis had suggested she accompany him to the banquet—to give her some spark of vitality.
She hadn’t answered at first, and Eleusis had tried not to hope.
But then, just last night, Shanelika had spoken for the first time. She said she would attend the King’s birthday banquet with him.
At that moment, Eleusis had felt as though his whole body were lifted into the air with joy. More than her acceptance, it was simply hearing her voice again after so long that set his heart racing.
