Chapter 70
“…What did you say?”
“You’ve lost your senses. Well, you’re still just a hatchling, so this moment doesn’t even count as amusement for you. I understand your confusion, but be mindful.”
“What are you talking about?”
“If you were in your right mind, you wouldn’t be asking me such a question now.”
Chanellica’s throat stung and ached with every word she forced out. But it wasn’t just from speaking with a sore throat.
Derwin spoke coldly.
“It’s nothing more than past amusement. To a dragon, past amusements mean nothing. Whether the human I used to be deceived you or tried to kill you, the present me exists as a dragon. If you too consider the ‘past’ as amusement, then you have no reason to rage at me.”
In other words, she had no grounds to complain.
Every word stabbed into Chanellica’s chest.
Ah… So that’s why you never once came to me all this time? And now you’re saying that was the work of your past ‘human’ self, so it doesn’t matter?
“A-muse-ment.”
Chanellica bit down on the word, crushing each syllable as if she were grinding it beneath her foot.
“Then why is someone whose amusement is over still living on in the same form as before?”
“When you return to the island, you’ll be confined to your lair until you become a full-grown dragon. If you go back in that broken state, your body will heal much more slowly, and a hatchling would suffer. Recovering in a human body with human care is the fastest path. That’s the only reason you were left here in human form. And since I couldn’t leave a hatchling alone, I remained as well. For convenience, I kept this shell.”
His words were flat, empty of emotion.
“This decision was made by the ‘past me’ you seek. The present me is merely the vessel that inherited it. Does that answer your question?”
Derwin drew a clear line, as if “the human Derwin” had nothing to do with him.
Chanellica understood what he meant. She just didn’t want to accept it.
“Then there’s no need for you to stay in that form, is there?”
Honestly, she wanted to scream: Are you mocking me, or what?
“I detest troublesome things.”
Troublesome?
“When you become a full dragon, I’ll be finished with my role as your guardian. There isn’t much time left until then. Why would I trouble myself creating a new human shell just to protect you? It would be tedious. I’m not starting a new amusement, and the foundation my past self built during amusement is already here. Why not use it as it is?”
So he meant he’d keep living in his former form for the time being.
“So let’s both stop bothering each other and just pass the time. Anything more to say?”
Unfair.
Chanellica understood every word Derwin—no, the Lord—was saying. She even grasped the reasoning. But she could not accept it with her heart.
“You look utterly wronged,”
Derwin said, turning his back coldly.
“That’s proof you’re still a hatchling. A child who can’t discern.”
Leaving Chanellica speechless, Derwin grew farther and farther away.
Her whole body shook. When she first entered the human world, she had thought to ask the Lord when she might meet the gods—but such thoughts didn’t even surface anymore.
Her chest ached with frustration, sorrow, and emptiness.
The human Derwin, who had poured all his heart into Chanellica, believing he could never be a dragon. And Chanellica herself, swept away by that devotion, even though she knew that once he remembered and returned as the Lord, things would change.
Was it innocence? Or foolishness?
Chanellica liked both the dragon Lord and the human Derwin. She thought it wouldn’t matter which form he took. Even if Derwin regained his memory and, as the Lord, no longer favored her as he did during amusement, she thought she could accept it. After all, it was only amusement. She could just enjoy the present and deal with the future later.
But now, having crashed into the reality of his change, she was anything but fine.
She longed desperately for the human man who had once held her so tenderly. The warmth in his gaze, the affection in his actions—realizing they were gone forever struck her like a devastating blow.
Yet she couldn’t be angry at the Lord. From a dragon’s perspective, there was no reason to accept her wrath. To both Derwin and Chanellica, their time in the human world was not true life but merely ‘amusement.’ Amusement must end in amusement—it could never carry into reality.
“Khk.”
Maybe it was from speaking too much, but her throat burned. Maybe from thinking too much, but her head throbbed as if it would split. And along with it came an unfamiliar heat around her eyes.
But maybe… I never treated it as amusement.
Under the shadow of the wisteria, where the Lord’s presence had long vanished, Chanellica stood frozen in thought.
For her, the days in the human world had never been amusement or dream.
Reality. She had believed it was all reality.
She was immature. Perhaps, as the Lord said, not yet a true dragon. Like other full-grown dragons, she couldn’t cut cleanly between dragon-life and amusement. She couldn’t treat someone she had loved in a dream as a stranger in reality.
What should I do now?
Her mind went blank. Chanellica was beginning to lose track of who she even was.
God, dragon, human.
None of them fit squarely enough for her to say, “This is me.” Her spirit wavered.
“Lady Chanel.”
Late evening. A soft male voice filled the room.
“Another beautiful melody today.”
Eleusis spoke gently, but Chanellica didn’t even look at him. She kept playing. The instrument she played produced sound when thin metal sticks struck iron strings of varying thickness.
After abruptly leaving the king’s palace and visiting the princess’s quarters, Chanellica had collapsed with a high fever for three days. The physicians all agreed she had overexerted herself while still unwell.
But Eleusis suspected it wasn’t only her body. According to his sister Lydia, Chanellica had sought out Derwin privately at the princess’s palace, and the atmosphere had been tense.
Was it because of me?
On the day he brought Chanellica from that dreadful cave to the palace, Eleusis had asked Derwin whether he was truly worthy to stand at her side.
A week later, when Chanellica regained consciousness, Eleusis finally visited the Cartel estate. Lydia had pleaded daily on Derwin’s behalf, saying he was blameless, and besides, Eleusis needed to clarify that day’s events. Chanellica wasn’t speaking, Stern and Ferdinand had escaped, so Derwin was the only one left to question.
But when he met him again, Derwin’s demeanor had changed.
He gave his answer about “worthiness”: From now on, everything concerning Chanellica would be entrusted to Eleusis.
That was all. Eleusis had meant to ask about the incident and what Derwin intended for Chanellica’s future.
Yet strangely, before Derwin, his resolve melted away. A heavy pressure warned him not to ask further, and he turned back without another word.
Derwin returned to serving as Lydia’s guard and never once visited Chanellica again.
Until now, when the two had met again. Chanellica had sought him out herself, and afterward she fell ill.
Eleusis worried that his words to Derwin had led to Chanellica suffering another wound. But all he could do was remain by her side and care for her.
After days bedridden, Chanellica slowly recovered. But unlike before, she grew listless. Once, even without words, her eyes had sparkled with life. Now even that light was gone. Her dim gaze made it feel as though she was somewhere else entirely.
This can’t go on, Eleusis thought. So he began introducing his instruments to her one by one, teaching her how to play.
Thankfully, she followed along. Though she seemed reluctant, it was better than doing nothing.
In time, Chanellica was able to play on her own.
Whether Eleusis entered or not, she played. The pure, ringing tones of the metal strings filled the room.
The maids said she played nearly all day. And since she always had new pieces ready at mealtimes with Eleusis, it was clear she spent hours practicing.
Eleusis watched her carefully striking the strings in rhythm. Her elegant nose, the glimpse of her red lips—today, they made his heart quiver more than usual.
He saw her every day. How was it possible to love her more each time?
As her body recovered, her complexion brightened. She was like a bud slowly blooming into a flower.
When had it begun? When had she stolen his heart?
Even as the music brushed his ears, Eleusis wondered.
Was it from the first meeting, in that nameless temple?
No, that was curiosity. She had been beautiful, yes, but no more than the many lovely women a king could meet. What set her apart was her honesty, her lively spark—that had caught his attention.
If not then, when? When they met again in the palace? He had felt desire, yes, but not the kind that compelled action. He had only been curious about her fiancé. He hadn’t planned to pursue someone already promised. He had only wanted companionship, to ease his own loneliness.
Perhaps it began when she gave him hope.
That dreadful day when she expressed her dislike of Derwin, when the incident unfolded—then, the lock he had kept firmly shut within his heart came undone.
A deep longing for Chanellica forced its way out of that chest of drawers. Once awakened, it spread rapidly, consuming him before he even realized.
Ping.
The final note of her song rang in his ears. Chanellica turned to him, as if to ask how it was. After every piece, she always looked to him for his thoughts.
She never said a word, but her expression melted his heart each time. She was so endearing he wanted to scoop her into his arms and hold her tight until she crumbled in his embrace.
“It was like a cool breeze cutting through summer air. The short, crisp notes gave it that feeling.”
At his brief remark, Chanellica gave a small nod. Then, without pause, she began striking strings again—already working on a new song.
“Lady Chanel.”
Eleusis stared at her for a moment before speaking carefully. This time, she responded, meeting his eyes.
“A few days from now, there will be a banquet for my birthday. If you’re willing… will you come with me?”
