CHAPTER 32……………………………..
“There wasn’t a trace of laughter in my childhood. My father trained me harshly from a young age. He always told me that nothing I was born with was to be taken for granted—that even if others wanted what I had, they could never have it.”
I already knew well that his father, Duke Richard Seymour, was an especially strict man. Because his father rarely acknowledged him, he had always thirsted for recognition.
“Even when I was a child and went on stage—when the noble faction tried to assassinate me—my father didn’t protect me. He thought I was pathetic for not being able to go on stage, so he tied me to a post. I often fainted while tied up like that. Now I can at least stand on a stage and say a few words, but that’s about it.”
Hearing the details of the abuse directly from him made it even more shocking. The calmness with which he spoke only made it easier to imagine how much pain he had endured. Hearing about his wounds in his own voice hurt far more than reading about them in writing ever could.
“The truth is… I can’t give speeches on stage. The rumors in the capital that the duke can’t stand on stage—they aren’t false.”
I had thought his trauma from the assassination attempt was the main problem. I believed he’d be comfortable speaking if the audience were just children. But now I realized what truly tormented him were the wounds and negative memories from the father who should have loved him.
“Your father’s gone now. But I’m here. I’ll be beside you, like today, so that you can stand on stage.”
I placed my hand over his. He didn’t flinch or pull away—only closed his eyes and rested his head on my shoulder.
“Please do.”
The faint echo of his voice lingered in my ear. For a moment, we stayed there in silence, hands touching. What passed between us wasn’t just warmth—it was a gentle, mutual affection.
“My lord.”
“Hm?”
He lifted his head and met my gaze.
“I heard that you first met my sister here, in Mathias.”
“…Yes.”
A man and a woman sharing drinks together in a dim, warm place—it was the perfect setting to gather a bit of courage. The children in the room were all fast asleep, so it was almost like we were alone.
“Do you still think about my sister?”
Expecting a drunk person to speak honestly, I threw the question straight at him.
“I do.”
The answer came instantly, without a moment’s hesitation. Disappointment welled up in me. He’d tried to kiss me when drunk, and now he was leaning on me of his own accord—
So all of that meant nothing? He still had Luna in his heart, not me?
I couldn’t make sense of my own feelings at that moment.
Hearing that he was thinking of another woman—
Why did my heart feel like it had just dropped?
Had I gotten too complacent, thinking everything between us was going smoothly?
Compared to the relationship between Feredil and Luna, it was clear we were much closer. I had started hoping that maybe he’d finally moved past Luna while spending time with me. I hadn’t expected him to answer “yes” without even a pause.
He could’ve at least lied, even clumsily, that he didn’t care anymore.
For some reason, irritation swelled inside me, and I pressed my lips tightly together. But then, unexpectedly, he spoke first.
“She looked sad from the first moment I met her. For some reason, I hated seeing that sadness on her face. I thought her sorrow came from her family’s downfall, so I helped clear Woodville’s name as repayment for saving my life. But… in the end, I think I only made her suffer more.”
Normally, I would have been glad that he was opening up to me like this. But not now—not when the man who should have feelings for me was speaking so sincerely about another woman.
“But you…”
He was usually curt, rarely answering questions, but tonight he was speaking freely on his own. Maybe I felt frustrated because I’d realized my approach to his heart had been wrong—or maybe it was because I was afraid the closeness I felt was only one-sided.
I fixed my eyes on the fireplace, not wanting to look at the face that was confusing my emotions.
“You’re different.”
At those unexpected words, my head snapped toward him. Perhaps because of the firelight, his eyes shimmered as they looked at me.
“From the moment I met you, you were angry with me. Every time you saw me, you had that contemptuous look on your face. I hated that expression—really hated it. I even wished you’d stop looking at me like that.”
He chuckled softly, oblivious to the storm in my head as I tried to process what he meant.
“But as time passed, I found myself wanting to see you smile instead. And I hoped I’d be the reason for that smile.”
…Does he even realize he’s confessing right now?
Hearing his straightforward, unembellished sincerity, my heart—once sunken—suddenly soared, beating wildly.
I hadn’t expected a confession tonight; I knew Feredil would take time to come to terms with his own feelings. But there was nothing wrong with love blooming a little sooner.
To solidify this moment, I had to do what I couldn’t do last time.
“My lord…”
I gazed at him with soft eyes, slightly parting my lips just so. The air was thick with tension, charged with our breathing and mutual gaze. All I wanted was for him to close the gap and claim my lips.
But no matter how long I waited, he didn’t move closer—he just kept looking at me.
Ah, I see. Too shy, huh? Fine, I can close my eyes first.
I slowly closed them—but had to open them again almost immediately.
“Oh dear. You must be really tired if your eyes are closing on their own. You should lie down and rest.”
“What? S-sleep?!”
The words flew straight out of my mouth, skipping my brain entirely. When I looked up, he was frowning slightly, his expression full of genuine concern.
“Yes. We’ve got a long journey tomorrow, so you should get some sleep. You’ve been running around all day—you need to recover. I’m getting tired myself, actually.”
Wait—his first move after confessing is… telling me to sleep?
Not that I had to kiss him or anything, but come on! A kiss after a confession is supposed to be the most beautiful scene!
Or does he seriously not even realize what he just said? Do I have to spoon-feed it to him?!
“After hearing such things from you, how can I possibly fall asleep?”
I twisted shyly and puffed out my cheeks a bit, acting embarrassed. When I looked up at him with my best bashful expression, his face turned red too, and he covered his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Well, I’m quite thrilled too, you know.”
There we go. So he was flustered!
“It’s just… I never imagined I’d find such a precious friend—someone I could open up to like this.”
“Did you just… say friend?”
“Yes, friend. You called me that before, remember? You’re such a strange person. At first, we hated each other like enemies, then you became my savior, and now, my friend.”
His innocent, radiant smile only made me want to scream.
“We’re friends, right?”
Even though his bashful look made my blood boil, I forced myself to stay calm. I couldn’t ruin all my hard work now.
“Y-yes. Frien…ds.”
He smiled like sunshine itself.
“I’m glad. After that kiss when I was drunk, I was worried you’d never forgive me. You’re very generous to let it go…”
“It didn’t happen!”
“Hm?”
“It didn’t happen! Think back carefully—before your lips even touched mine, you passed out!”
After yelling at him, I turned my back and lay down on the floor.
Ugh! It’s not like I wanted that kiss, okay?! I just… I mean, it’s not like I’m disappointed or anything!
But all I could picture was myself closing my eyes, waiting for him to come closer.
That idiot who can’t even tell if his feelings are friendship or love—why do I feel like I’ve just been played?
Ugh, unbelievable!
My body was tired, but thanks to those memories replaying in my head, I couldn’t stop kicking my blanket all night. Only after forcing my mind to wander elsewhere did I finally manage to fall asleep.
