~Chapter 21~
Because I whispered only loud enough for him to hear, everyone else looked on with curious expressions.
After all, it doesn’t always take a loud noise to capture attention. Sometimes, silence commands just as much focus.
Peredil’s pupils briefly dilated at my words, but soon returned to their usual cool sharpness. With his expression turning serious in an instant, he went straight to the Emperor.
After an intense conversation between the Emperor and Peredil, the imperial guards were summoned, and one of them retrieved the wine glass Peredil had dropped on the floor.
“This banquet is over. Please return safely.”
Faced with Peredil’s cold voice and eyes, no one dared to say anything more. All they could do was quietly take their leave.
I was just getting into the carriage with the Count and Countess.
“Wait…!”
Peredil suddenly came running and grabbed my hand in a hurry.
It was the second time our hands touched today. The difference was — this time, he was the one who reached out first.
“What’s the matter?”
“Would you wait for me?”
“For what?”
“I’d like to speak with His Majesty for a moment. Please just wait a little. Don’t go anywhere.”
His tone sounded like a command, but his expression said otherwise. It was closer to a request than an order.
“Where should I wait?”
He guided me to a small garden behind the imperial palace.
Saying he’d be right back, he quickly headed off toward the Emperor.
***
He said he’d be quick! Why isn’t he back yet?!
It’s been forever since the sun set, and there was still no sign of Peredil. At this point, I felt like I could name every single flower in the garden.
Did he forget I was waiting? Or maybe… he’s messing with me?
Just as I was going through every possible reason for his absence, he finally appeared.
“Apologies. The investigation took longer than expected — I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
“You’re just in time. I was about to leave since I couldn’t wait any longer.”
Peredil didn’t say anything. The silence stretched until I, being the impatient one, finally broke it.
“Why did you ask me to wait?”
“……”
After hesitating, Peredil spoke with a rather troubled expression.
“…Thank you.”
“Yes.”
Didn’t sound very grateful for someone thanking their lifesaver.
“Don’t tell me you made me wait all this time just to say thank you?”
“What other reason could there be?”
“Well, I thought you were going to get a statement from me about the culprit or something.”
“…Would you be willing to tell me?”
I had a story made up in case he asked, but Peredil didn’t seem the least bit curious about who the culprit was.
“You don’t seem very interested.”
I told him honestly.
“No, I’m not. The person you saw was just a hired pawn. They’ve likely outlived their usefulness and are already dead.”
“Then you should be after the one behind it.”
“I can already guess who wants me dead.”
“That’s a sad thing to say.”
“At this level, unwanted enemies are inevitable.”
“I didn’t mean that. I meant it’s sad that you speak so calmly about having enemies. It’s not normal to be hated by someone.”
It pained me to see how used he seemed to the idea that someone might want him dead. For the first time, I had a proper conversation with him — and without filters, my eyes betrayed my sadness.
Looking slightly surprised, Peredil tried to lighten the mood with a joke.
“About earlier, when I yelled at you by mistake — let’s just say we’re even, since you did the same to me not long ago.”
He must’ve remembered when I slapped him, and Vivian poured tea on me, and I told him we were even.
“You really hold grudges, huh?”
“I do. That’s just the way I am.”
Copying my words like that — his shamelessness made me laugh without meaning to.
Peredil chuckled too.
It was the first time we laughed during a conversation.
“I really do. That’s how I am.”
He suddenly grew serious, his tone strange, and I waited for him to elaborate.
“I tend to swallow my words instead of saying them out loud. I reflect only after things are long over. Sometimes I stay up all night replaying something stuck in my head.”
“What kinds of things?”
“Things I don’t understand. Things that make no sense. Things I’m dying to know the reason behind.”
Before I knew it, the gentle moonlight was casting a glow on Peredil.
The moonlight hitting his dark hair shimmered with a bluish hue.
“Tonight, I was going to chew on it alone again, but… I can’t figure it out no matter how hard I try. I’d appreciate your help.”
“If I can help, I will.”
He struggled for a moment, as if in pain, and then finally spoke.
“…Didn’t you hate me?”
When I didn’t respond, he continued.
“The first day we met, you slapped me. The next day, you barged into my mansion uninvited and stirred everything up. Then you said you hoped we’d never cross paths again. Yet, every time we ran into each other at the palace, you managed to get under my skin. And then today, the very person who made it clear she hated me… saved my life. Why?”
It seemed that my actions today had deeply confused him.
Which was exactly what I intended.
It was worth throwing myself at him, knowing he wouldn’t die even if he drank the poison.
If I’d just remained the annoying one, he could’ve avoided me, hated me, and been done with it.
But now that someone like me had saved him — someone who supposedly hated him — he didn’t know what to make of me.
I thought he’d stew over it for days, but apparently he couldn’t help himself and had to ask right away.
Does that mean I made quite the impression on him?
I guess people usually just tremble or shrink in front of Peredil — not many would have the nerve to get in his face like I do.
“You’re right. I still don’t like you. I hate that my sister got caught up in nasty rumors because of you.”
I gave him a smile, hard to read.
“Then why didn’t you just let me be? Even if I died, at least you’d have seen me suffer a little first.”
He didn’t sound sarcastic. He genuinely didn’t understand.
“That’s because, Duke… just because you hate someone doesn’t mean you wish they’d disappear from the world.”
He frowned deeper, clearly frustrated by our conversation.
“What does that mean?”
“Disliking someone doesn’t mean you’re allowed to hurt them. That’s not something to be taken for granted. So please, don’t take it for granted either.”
“Then what should I do?”
“Get angry.”
The boy who’d learned to suppress and avoid his feelings from a young age had grown into a man who saw emotions as burdens. Never in my life did I expect someone like him to end up standing in front of me.
So I told him something I’d always wanted to say — if I ever met someone like him.
“Be angry. Be hurt. Be sad. Don’t grow numb to the people and things that torment you — keep responding to them.”
“I don’t know… reacting to everything like that is exhausting. And I have a lot of responsibilities.”
Peredil lowered his gaze, defensively.
“How did you feel?”
“About what?”
“The day we argued in the study.”
“I regretted it. Felt like I said all sorts of childish things I shouldn’t have.”
“But didn’t it feel good? That night, those unsaid words didn’t haunt you, right?”
His silence was agreement.
“If you bottle up emotions, they pile up. Keep clearing them out so they don’t overflow. That way, you can make space for other feelings too. Not just pain — but also love, happiness, excitement, and hope.”
Peredil stared at me like he’d just been hit over the head.
“If you feel things and express them freely, you’ll stop losing sleep at night. Since you asked me directly what you were wondering about… maybe tonight, you’ll finally be able to sleep soundly.”
Under the soft moonlight, I gave him a bright smile — a carefully calculated smile meant to look as beautiful as possible.
“…I see.”
Peredil, who’d been standing there in a daze, finally moved his lips to speak.
“My uniform’s a mess because of the wine. Sorry about that. But you did save my life, so I guess we’re even?”
Peredil burst into laughter at my words.
Not a faint chuckle like before — but a full, shoulder-shaking laugh.
In the quiet garden behind the palace, only the moonlight kept us company. Beneath it, the two of us laughed together.
For the first time, I truly enjoyed our conversation — and I hoped that he did too.
