28.
Even though the tears had stopped, Friane Izanar’s eyes were still red.
With that face, he smiled as if he was truly happy.
I let out a weak laugh.
…So this is what Friane Izanar becomes like when he has someone in his heart.
Holy, beautiful, almost awe-inspiring on the outside, yet stubbornly honest to the point of obsession.
“…Still, I really did think something similar. Fate… maybe it really could be something like that.”
When our eyes met, Friane suddenly lowered his gaze as if he had become nervous.
“But… that doesn’t mean I want anything in return. I have duties I must fulfill.”
“…”
Ah, right. I had almost forgotten. This man confessed to me but then quickly built a wall around himself.
I was too tired to respond, so I just lay flat on the bed, silent.
Annoying man.
He’s like a puppy wagging its tail, begging to be petted, but the moment you reach your hand out, he panics and runs away.
If he were really a puppy, I could just grab him and pet him as much as I wanted. But this…
Fatigue pressed down on me and I closed my eyes.
Honestly, I wanted some more of that holy power. It already felt like the medicine’s effect had worn off… couldn’t he use it a little more?
Even with my eyes closed, I could feel his gaze burning into me. It was so obvious.
Seriously, what did he expect me to do?
Then suddenly, a thought came to me.
Hadn’t I, ever since he confessed, avoided properly saying how I felt?
I opened my eyes and immediately locked gazes with Friane.
His cool eyes instantly softened, brightening with warmth at a single blink.
With shy, longing eyes fixed on me, he looked almost desperate.
I curled one corner of my mouth into a smirk.
“Hey, Sir Izanar.”
“…Yes.”
“I don’t like you.”
“…”
“And I won’t like you in the future either.”
“…”
“So don’t get all restless and anxious. I really don’t have even the slightest intention of feeling that way.”
His eyelashes trembled. Then, in a voice that shook like he was hurt, he asked:
“…You don’t… like me?”
His fragile voice almost made me falter, but I forced myself to stay firm and nodded.
“Why not?”
“Because that’s just how my heart is.”
“…I see.”
He accepted my answer more calmly than I expected. Almost too calmly—so much that I nearly missed it.
Thick tears began falling onto the back of his hand.
…Crying again?
That’s what I thought as I lifted my eyes—and suddenly, I froze.
These weren’t the same tears I’d seen before.
Not those tears of worry, joy, or relief.
This was different.
It was like something inside him had cracked open. My words had pierced somewhere deep, ripping out something he had locked away.
Endless sorrow.
Despair. Self-loathing. Hatred. And a loneliness so heavy it made me shiver.
He didn’t even realize he was crying.
Only after feeling the drops run down his chin did he slowly lift his hand and wipe his face.
I couldn’t say anything.
But I knew this was something he had to face at least once.
Of course, I didn’t want to hurt him. But there was no way for us to be together.
Even now, with the potion forcing these feelings, he wanted nothing more than to be my lover. So after the antidote, what would he feel then?
Losing control of emotions created by a potion couldn’t be easy.
Even I knew that much.
Sometimes even Rohwinas Canesion’s love felt too heavy for me. And I loved him back. Just not with the same intensity as he loved me.
Maybe that was the difference—the potion’s love and real love.
“…”
“…”
But really, did Friane never once imagine I’d reject him?
Even now, with that face of his all tear-stained and sorrowful… I could see how anyone might change their heart on the spot.
Still, not me.
I wasn’t the type to be swayed by a pretty face—
“…Anyway, my point is, don’t worry.”
Damn it. My voice had softened without me meaning it to.
“You were worried, weren’t you? That I might return your feelings.”
He nodded.
“If Baroness Roxan ever wanted me… in the end, it would only hurt you. Because of me.”
“…”
“That’s what I feared most.”
That… was something I never expected to hear.
But he was right. I also worried about people getting hurt because of this potion.
And it wasn’t just me—he was afraid of it too.
If his feelings wavered, they were false. But if mine wavered, that would be real.
Besides, Friane clearly had circumstances. He seemed like someone who couldn’t easily form a relationship, who carried some kind of heavy burden.
And when the antidote comes, everything will disappear anyway. He knows that.
There could never be a future between us.
So yes, I agreed with him. That kind of relationship should never even begin.
And then I remembered…
Back then, I had gone to him and said—
“Congratulations, Sir Izanar.”
“Your feelings are all artificial. You don’t need to worry about them.”
“And let me comfort you. Because you’ve been tied to me in the dirtiest way possible, when we should have lived with no connection at all.”
I had thrown those sharp words at him, when I couldn’t hold my despair inside.
What had he thought, hearing that?
I reached out and tapped his hand lightly with my fingertip.
“I’ll promise you this—I’ll never hold feelings for you.”
He looked straight at me in silence.
“So you can love me without fear.”
He looked like a man who had heard words he desperately longed for, yet could never truly welcome.
But what else could I say? It wasn’t as if he chose to fall in love with me.
He lowered his head.
So I could only see his trembling lashes soaked with tears, and his reddened nose.
But I also felt it—the fear that had been tormenting him, slowly washing away with each tear.
Honestly, his biggest problem was that he was far too good-looking—and worse, he knew it.
He must have assumed that if he confessed to me, my heart would be shaken.
And knowing that, he still couldn’t stop himself. That’s why he suffered.
Feeling oddly relieved, I smiled—then quickly hid it when I noticed his tear-stained eyes.
Still, I had done my part.
Now it was his job to deal with the pain of rejection.
As the door creaked open, I drifted back to sleep.
When I opened my eyes again, it was midnight.
I must have woken up because of hunger.
Earlier, wrapped in holy power, everything felt warm and dreamlike. But reality was cold and merciless.
My whole body ached like I’d been beaten, and I had no strength at all.
Even worse, the headache was worse than any hangover. And my throat—completely dry.
I frowned slightly, trying to speak, when a cup of water was suddenly brought to my lips.
My head tilted, and a hand gently supported my neck.
I drank a few sips. Finally, I felt human again.
Then my head was carefully laid back on the pillow. Gentle hands.
My eyes followed the cup as it was set down on the table.
Then the hand pulled back the bed’s curtain, letting in the pale moonlight.
“…What are you doing here at this hour?”
My voice came out hoarse and broken. I startled myself, then spoke more softly.
“When did Sir Izanar leave?”
“This afternoon,” Zaka answered.
He pressed his palm to my forehead, then pulled it back, whispering,
“I think your fever’s completely gone now. Baroness Roxan, please just rest without worry.”
I hadn’t been afraid of dying, so I wasn’t too concerned.
But the way Zaka spoke… it sounded almost like—
“The physician said that as long as you rest well for a few days, you’ll be fine. Those days from before… won’t happen again.”
“…Ah. Did you hear from Julie?”
“…Yes.”
Then he really must have been worried.
When I was little, doctors always said the same thing—that I had an incurable, mysterious illness.
I was so weak I couldn’t leave my bed.
Sometimes I fell into a sleep that lasted for days, as if I were dead.
I don’t even remember much from back then.
When I finally recovered, people called it a miracle of the gods.
But no one really knew why I got better. Which meant… it could always come back.
And this was the first time since then that I had gotten so sick. Julie must have been terrified.
“…Where’s Julie?”
“She was here until earlier, but she went to rest for a while.”
I blinked heavily, choosing my words carefully.
“I’m not even worried, so why are you worrying for me?”
I had meant it gently.
But Zaka didn’t answer.
