Chapter 70 …

Or was it that his anxiety was simply greater?
Perhaps the fear that I might leave had paralyzed his reason. What on earth had made him this uneasy?

“Even after so many deaths, are you still anxious? I was the cause of those deaths, but I still stayed by your side.”

“…That’s exactly why. Because I was the one who killed that Laila.”

I thought the fact that I hadn’t escaped even through those deaths would become proof of trust.
But I suppose it could also become the reason for his anxiety. A death that never disappears can ignite at any moment.

“Are you afraid I might run away later?”

“The sin I committed is too great.”

“I tried to kill you too, you know.”

“But I didn’t die. Laila died far too many times.”

With a self-mocking smile, he clenched his fist.
Helion was slipping back into the swamp of self-reproach again. It felt like we were stuck repeating the same thing.

This can’t keep going.

Now he needed certainty—certainty strong enough that Helion would no longer feel anxious.

Fortunately, that wasn’t very difficult. There were mountains of reasons I had never told him before. I only had to choose a few from them.

“…Will you listen to something I want to say for a moment?”

“What… kind of story?”

“A long time ago, I resented you, remember? I said things like, ‘If only you didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have ended up like this.’”

Back then my mental strength was weak, and I couldn’t see anything clearly.
The moment I died and woke up again, I poured out all my resentment on Helion.

There was no one else to blame except that child. I simply hated him so much—resented him deeply.
So I kept shouting that if he hadn’t killed me, I would have lived an ordinary life.

Helion frowned, as if he remembered it too, and nodded awkwardly.

“Do you remember what you said back then?”

“…No.”

“You said it was fine. That you still liked me even if I resented you.”

At that time, I was even strangling his neck.
Helion must have known. He must have known that I truly meant to kill him.

But the child didn’t resist. Instead, he cried and kept asking for forgiveness.
He apologized over and over, saying he was sorry, apologizing as if he knew everything even though he didn’t understand anything.

And because of that, I couldn’t kill Helion again.

Things like that happened frequently. Whenever I reached my limit, Helion would appear beside me.

The day I tried to throw myself to my death, he stopped me.
And when I cried that I wanted to return to my original world, he was there beside me too—

It was always you.

The system wanted me to go insane because of Helion.
But instead, I was able to keep living because of him.

Now I finally understand why I never lost my mind.

“Just like I made Helion live… Helion made me live too.”

It wasn’t a relationship where we killed each other.
It was a relationship where we saved each other.

At least, that’s how I see it now.

Our wandering gazes met, and bright yellow eyes entered my vision. Helion blinked slowly.

“So please believe me. To me, Helion is everything too.”

What would I do if you didn’t believe it?
Even now, I’m living because of you.

I didn’t want the one person who needed to know that truth to remain unaware of it.

“But…”

As if he had finally sorted out his thoughts, Helion’s stiff lips barely parted.

“…Is it really okay for me to hold onto that kind of belief?”

“We’re the kind of relationship where that’s allowed.”

If his hesitation came from guilt, there was no need for it.
Contrary to what he thought, I was fine. He was the one who made me okay.

Fortunately, my words seemed to help ease Helion’s anxiety. His face twisted, and the strength left his body.

“I’ll believe you. Please… let me believe.”

His arms tightened as he pulled me into an embrace.
As if reassured, Helion kept murmuring.

“Thank you… for believing in me.”

I patted his back until he calmed down.

“Then we’ll do it twice a month.”

“…Can’t we make it once a week?”

“You said you’d do anything for me.”

He furrowed his brow.
Maybe it was because those words kept coming back to trap him. Still, the fact that he didn’t take them back was very much like him.

Like an affectionate puppy, he rubbed his cheek against my shoulder.

“Just this once. Please?”

“Aren’t you fine now?”

“I still want to see you all the time.”

If he acted like this, it would be impossible to distance myself.

Even though his anxiety had faded, he didn’t back down easily. Maybe it was because he had grown used to having me beside him.

He’s like a comfort doll.

But I didn’t know how to change that.
Maybe I needed to be firm.

“Then maybe we should just get married—”

“Once a week is fine.”

But in the end, I was the one who gave in.

Why does marriage keep coming up all the time?

“Thank you.”

Helion’s eyes curved upward, making it impossible for me to get angry.

He really had become sly. Even though I knew it, I still couldn’t scold him. At this point, maybe I really was just too kind.

We talked for a long time, but in the end, it still concluded exactly the way Helion wanted.

Even while sighing, I continued stroking his hair.

At this rate, wouldn’t once a week eventually turn into once a day?

The bigger problem was that this worry wasn’t completely baseless.

* * *

That day, Helion quietly returned to his own room.
He retreated so easily that Laila even felt suspicious.

But his intentions weren’t pure.

He had every plan to meet Laila through “coincidental” encounters or letters.

Even though they had promised to keep their distance, surely she would overlook things like that.

But that belief shattered in just one day.

Because Laila had practically locked herself away, Helion couldn’t stage any “coincidences.”
Even his letter was rejected immediately.

As a result, it had already been six days since he last saw her.

He would be able to see her tomorrow, but Helion had already reached his limit.

The page he had been turning absentmindedly suddenly stopped. A crease formed between his elegant brows.

She’s right next door—so why can’t I see her?

He knew the reason, but Helion almost wished he didn’t.

Maybe he should ask Laila to change it to once every three days.

A week wasn’t enough time to get used to this.
He was already restless and anxious—later he might go completely mad.

But I promised.

His grip on the book tightened.

He couldn’t take it back now.
What would Laila think of him? He had come this far for her—he didn’t want to show such a pathetic side.

Helion desperately suppressed his impulses.

Before he realized it, the page in his hand had been crumpled badly.

“…Looks like withdrawal symptoms.”

Hennel muttered as he entered Helion’s room out of habit.
Noah beside him seemed to think the same.

His wandering eyes, restless hands, even his trembling leg.

No matter how they looked at it, this wasn’t Helion’s usual self.

“Looks like he got poisoned at the banquet.”

“Whatever it was, it seems addictive. We should find an antidote.”

Although Helion usually didn’t eat food outside, he might have made a mistake.

Thinking that, Hennel carefully observed Helion’s symptoms.

“There’s no need.”

Helion closed his book with a perfectly drawn smile.

It meant their concern was unnecessary.

“But the symptoms look serious.”

“I just have something on my mind.”

“Is it because of Kal?”

Noah’s silver eyes blinked innocently.

Helion’s body flinched slightly—as if that wasn’t the reason.

Apparently the issue with Kal wasn’t even on his mind. Seeing that reaction, Noah continued.

“Did you fight? Want me to scold him for you?”

“It’s just a difference in opinion.”

It definitely sounded like a fight.

Helion tried to brush it off with a smile, but he couldn’t avoid their gazes.

Even if he had only realized it belatedly, it seemed Kal was quite a troublesome person as well. Helion’s discomfort was obvious.

Hennel frowned.

Normally, Helion was the one who stepped back.
Kal was stubborn. Even if he knew he was wrong, he wouldn’t admit it or apologize first.

Knowing that, Helion always yielded. Since he disliked emotional exhaustion, it was the easiest method.

Those two fighting…

This must be something even Helion can’t forgive.

Hennel easily guessed the cause.

“She’s the reason, isn’t she?”

“…I didn’t say anything.”

“If you suddenly argued, it can only be about that.”

It was the one subject Helion was sensitive about.

No matter how easygoing he usually was, if that person was involved, he couldn’t simply let it go.

He had always reacted sensitively about it.

Hennel glanced at Noah as if seeking agreement.

“You fought before too when Kal asked if that person was already dead, right?”

“You didn’t fight. You tried to kill him.”

“Well, since he didn’t die, it counts as an argument.”

“Does it?”

While Noah tilted his head in confusion, Helion didn’t deny it.

Judging by the habitual smile on his face, he was clearly thinking of a way to escape this situation.

Hennel’s purple eyes slowly rolled. He stroked his chin deliberately.

“Now that the war is over, there’s no real need to reconcile…”

“Are you going to kill him?”

At Noah’s brake-less question, Hennel swallowed dryly.

He had only meant to observe Helion’s reaction, but that was a bit extreme.

Fortunately, Helion shook his head immediately.

“…If we’re being honest, I’m the one at fault.”

“That can’t be true.”

Noah refuted instantly.

It was exactly like him—blindly loyal to Helion.

“It must be Kal’s fault again.”

“I appreciate you believing in me, but it really is my fault, Noah.”

“…If you’re okay with it, will you tell us what happened?”

It didn’t seem like a simple argument.

Hennel felt it was necessary to dig deeper.

Helion looked at him for a moment before placing the book on the table.

“You know why Kal joined the war, right?”

“Is it related to that? Don’t tell me you met those people?”

“One of them… was Laila.”