Chapter 69 ….
“No. I just… kept ignoring you.”
“Can you ignore me even now? I’m happy even now…”
Helion clutched my neck as if begging. His snow-white hair brushed against my nape.
“Aren’t you uneasy?”
“…There’s no reason to be.”
“That’s also why you’re staying at the hotel instead of going to the Duchy. Even though His Majesty must have granted you a mansion in the capital, you don’t use it.”
Someone who should be busier than anyone is living here as if in seclusion. He must have intentionally cut off outside contact.
‘If there were no problems, there’d be no reason to do that.’
Even so, can he truly be happy? Or is he just consoling himself with the idea of happiness?
“…Haah.”
A sigh came out instead of an answer, brushing against my skin. His complicated emotions were revealing themselves.
“…Lyla knows me too well. I wish she’d just go along with it.”
“Do you really want that?”
I didn’t think so. I gently stroked Helion’s head, buried in my chest. As expected, he hesitated and shook his head. A voice wandered like a lost child.
“I just… don’t know what to do. I’ve lived on the battlefield all this time, and now that the war’s over…”
“It’s been a long time.”
“…I’m not saying I want the war to continue. It’s not that… but I feel so strange not fighting.”
His trembling grew stronger. His hollow voice continued uneasily.
“I don’t know how to live without killing, I don’t know how someone could love me like this, I just… don’t know anything…”
The fears he had kept hidden spilled out like a torrent. Even without seeing his face, I could imagine his expression. I kept moving my hands instead of answering.
“Still, Lyla hasn’t changed. That’s why it’s even better.”
Helion slowly lifted his face. His reddened eyes caught mine immediately.
“But… Lyla keeps trying to distance herself. I hate that.”
As if telling me not to run away, he held me tightly. I thought he had grown up earlier, but at times like this, he acted like a spoiled child.
“Don’t go. Just stay by my side. I’ll do better.”
“It’s you who has to do better.”
“I’ll do well enough for both of us.”
He’s completely turned into a child. Chaotic, yet determined to hold onto me.
“I was wrong.”
“…I wasn’t trying to blame you.”
“You must have struggled because of me. Now I’m trying to change too.”
I couldn’t help but soften my touch. I smoothed the ends of his short hair and spoke soothingly.
“I still want to ignore you, but I can’t do it.”
“I can take care of it for you.”
“There are too many people to kill.”
“Then should we run away?”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want to erase Helion’s ten years.”
Rejected on all counts, Helion sank back into gloom. He lowered and raised his head repeatedly as if pondering something.
Then, as if he had come up with a clever idea, he suddenly lifted his head.
“What if we become a pair that can be together without any problems?”
I didn’t know what he meant, but his eyes sparkled unusually. Excited, Helion suddenly leaned in.
We were close enough for our noses to almost touch. His straight hair brushed against my eyes. Each blink of his snowy lashes seemed to make a soft rustling sound.
His rounded eyes curved, giving him a sly, fox-like aura. Facing his unreal beauty, I asked:
“What kind of relationship is that?”
Starting from the fact that he is the daughter of Baron Merdin, there’s already a problem. Is there a relationship that can solve this problem?
But contrary to my doubts, Helion looked confident. With his eyes softly closed, he possessed an extraordinary talent for captivating people.
“Marry me.”
His soft, melodic voice declared it as if there were no problem at all. I almost nodded instinctively to the way he looked up at me.
“…I think I just heard something strange.”
“Marry me. If we’re married, there won’t be any problem, right?”
Had Helion finally gone mad? I understood his desire to not distance himself, but this seemed too extreme. It had been so long since I’d been shocked like this that my mind couldn’t function properly.
“Uh, well…”
“I’ll make you happy. I’ll do anything for Lyla.”
Helion blinked resolutely.
Only then did I regain my senses.
‘I guess it’s scarier than I thought.’
That’s why he thinks of these absurd solutions. First, I need to bring Helion back to reason.
“This isn’t the issue. You’re saying you’ll marry me just for something like this?”
But that wasn’t the right response. Helion frowned and immediately denied it.
“It’s not just that.”
“…Marriage should be with someone you love.”
“That’s why I’m proposing right now.”
He’s not backing down. He grabbed my wrist firmly, fearing I might try to escape. His stiff shoulders, firm mouth, and faintly anxious face showed it.
Yet, I couldn’t read his emotions. They were feelings I didn’t understand. So, I could only stare at him blankly.
“I love you. Lyla.”
Helion murmured softly.
“Please marry me.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. His fingers slid down from my wrist and intertwined with mine.
He was so serious that I almost took it sincerely.
I shouldn’t, though. I let out a small sigh and forcefully pulled my hand away.
“I don’t like confessions like this.”
“…Then what should we do? I’ll do whatever you want, Lyla.”
Helion clung to me as if begging. I stepped back, approaching the edge of the bed.
“Don’t confess.”
“You don’t like me? What part do you dislike? I’ll fix it. I can fix it. So—”
“I don’t like confessions with reasons. Let’s pretend this never happened.”
“…What if there’s no reason?”
An anxious Helion asked.
‘No way.’
Regaining reason made it easy to see. The feelings I couldn’t understand were fear disguised as love.
“This isn’t love. Helion just doesn’t want to be apart from me.”
He shook his head immediately, but given the circumstances, I had no choice but to think that way.
“If he truly liked me, he wouldn’t have confessed at a time like this. This time, the reason came first.”
He chose marriage as a means because he didn’t want to be apart from me. I cannot accept a confession like this.
‘I’ve never even considered it.’
Helion was definitely special. Surely there was affection in him. But marriage carries another meaning.
Even though I’m an adult, I still feel young. The child who had been so small is still vivid in my mind; I can’t marry without going mad.
Helion, unable to deny it, bit his lip.
‘Seems like he’s somewhat come to his senses.’
I approached him and continued speaking.
“I don’t mean to drift apart forever. I’ll close the distance that’s grown between us.”
“…How?”
“I’ll change. I’ll become someone who suits the current Helion.”
I wondered if it might be better to just drift apart. If we got used to the distance, the relationship might become nothing.
The world of just the two of us would also end. But ultimately, that’s ideal. Neither Helion nor I would get used to it. No matter how far apart, we would come back together.
If it’s an ideal that can never become reality, there’s no need to attempt it. Part of me resisted doing what the system wanted.
“We’ll only drift apart until then.”
I reached out to the confused Helion, extending my pinky.
“This is…”
“I promise.”
Now I could promise without hesitation. I knew he wouldn’t abandon me, that I wouldn’t die.
He stared at my finger for a long time. Eventually, Helion’s upper body collapsed. He hid his face, muttering about how unfair it was.
“You didn’t even kill me.”
“This time, I’ll definitely keep my promise. So, trust me one last time.”
I had no right to speak, having broken promises before, but I wanted to show that I had changed.
I must have tensed unconsciously; my fingertips stiffened. I waited in silence for him to speak.
“…I guess I still can’t win against Lyla. And I don’t want to.”
He smiled helplessly. Helion’s hand touched mine.
A long, thin hand with prominent knuckles. Scarred, yet it intertwined firmly with mine.
Fingers bound tightly, as if they would never come apart.
“It’s a promise. If you run, I won’t forgive you.”
“Then I’ll do as you want, Helion.”
Because it was my fault for breaking the promise.
Yet Helion, not completely at ease, continued to nag me.
“You’re not thinking of disappearing completely, right? Meeting secretly is okay, right?”
“Hmm, shall we say once a month for now?”
“No. Five times a week.”
“…We promised to drift apart.”
“This is already lenient. Honestly, I want to meet every day.”
Even if we met, there wouldn’t be much to do. Helion must be busy too.
‘I guess I have to agree.’
For now, calming his anxiety comes first. His sulky voice continued, as if I had given up pretending to be fine.
“What if someone special comes along while I’m not around?”
“That won’t happen.”
“Lyla’s too kind. You never know.”
This is really nonsense. I’ve forgotten how to live being kind, but at least I know I’m not that kind.
‘There’s no trust here.’
