SIDE STORY 04………………….
“Th-then what’s the second problem?”
Another finger was folded down.
“The second. You need to give visible reassurance. No matter how busy you are, if you proposed and your partner accepted, you should at least have held an engagement ceremony. A year has passed since the proposal, and there isn’t even an engagement ring yet. That leaves your partner in a state of endless waiting. It’s natural for them to feel exhausted.”
“The ring….”
“Pardon?”
“No, it’s nothing.”
I pulled my hand away from where I had been touching my pocket.
“And the third problem?”
“The third… is that you give up too easily.”
“…Give up?”
I hadn’t expected that. Give up? Me? Give up on him? On Luce?
“Has your partner ever said they wanted to break up? Expressed that kind of intention?”
I thought carefully. Looking back, Luce had never mentioned breaking up, no matter how sulky he got.
“I don’t think so…”
“Then why are you preparing yourself for a breakup when your partner hasn’t even said anything? You said you don’t want to separate.”
“Uh…”
My lips twitched, but I quickly pressed them shut.
Why am I bracing for a breakup? Because Luce might one day say he wants to end things? If we were suddenly faced with that, it would hurt—but isn’t it better to prepare in advance?
“If you don’t want a breakup, shouldn’t you hold on with everything you have? You shouldn’t resign yourself to a future that hasn’t even come yet—you should at least plead for them not to leave.”
“B-But if that person wants to leave… shouldn’t you let them go…?”
“Rinnegrim.”
Marien grabbed my shoulders firmly with both hands. Her tone was unwavering.
“The idea that you ‘let them go because you love them’ is nonsense. Do you understand?”
“Y-Yes?”
At my dumbfounded answer, Marien sighed deeply, then spoke deliberately, word by word.
“How can you let someone go if you love them? You do whatever it takes to keep them by your side. You should feel like you can’t even breathe without them—that’s what love is. Thinking about a breakup should make you feel like you’re dying. Isn’t that normal?”
“Uh…”
“That’s how I see it. Love isn’t about giving up and accepting things—it’s about clinging desperately. So tell Rin this: if she truly loves her partner and wants to be with them, she should fight for it.”
“….”
“Instead of worrying about a breakup that hasn’t even happened yet, she’d be better off reading even a single line from a book. If she keeps digging herself into the ground alone, when her partner does bring up a breakup one day, she’ll be powerless. I’m sorry to say it, but I think she’d have nothing to say if that happened right now.”
Marien’s words hit my head like a hammer. Even after she left, I felt stuck by the lake for a long time, unable to move.
She was right.
I had been preemptively afraid and resigned myself to a breakup that hadn’t even happened. Luce had never said a word about breaking up, yet I was imagining a future without him, all on my own.
[“How can you let someone go if you love them? Do whatever it takes to keep them by your side. You should feel like you can’t breathe without them—that’s what love is.”]
Could I live without Luce?
Of course I could. I’ve lived most of my life without him already.
Even without him, my career as head of the Medical Department would remain intact, the treasure in the vault untouched. Helion’s trust in me would stay the same, and Ethan would always be on my side. My mother, now healthy again, would continue to care for me.
“…Why does it still feel like something’s missing?”
My future was exactly how I had imagined it. Everything should be perfect… yet it felt lacking.
All because Luce wasn’t there.
“…Ah…”
The one thing. Simply realizing I wouldn’t see that surly face.
Everything seemed to go wrong.
Of all the love in the world, the love of just one person—Luce—simply no longer existing… made it feel as though my world had lost its light. The moonlight fracturing on the lake’s surface, the flowers swaying under the gardener’s care, the radiant power of magic itself—all of it faded into grayscale.
Nothing stirred any feeling in me.
It was a realization that shook me to my core.
“Ha… haha…”
I felt like the biggest fool alive. Out of all the people in the world, losing just one person could shake my life? Ridiculous.
I wish I hadn’t realized it. I wish I could go back to the time when I thought I could live perfectly fine without Luce.
But then I remembered his cold expression. I felt uneasy—he had never shown that level of anger before.
What if Luce really wanted a breakup?
“…I’ll just work. Marien said it too: if you have time, read at least one more line of a book.”
When my mind is spinning, work is the best remedy. Focusing on it erases all other thoughts.
It was close to midnight, but that didn’t stop me from heading to the Medical Department. Call it compulsion if you will. I needed a way to escape this anxiety.
By the time dawn broke, I finally set down my pen, sighing. The ink on the pen had long since dried.
“Damn it.”
Trying to shake off my thoughts had failed spectacularly.
I couldn’t read a single word. My eyes found only Luce’s cold face, no matter where I looked.
Books, walls, the sky—closing my eyes didn’t help. It was only him.
“…I’m doomed.”
This capable magician had done something to me—there was no doubt about it.
“Good morning! Ah! You scared me!”
Benjamin, sprawled in his chair, leapt at the sight of me like any morning.
“Senpai… good morning…”
“R-Rinnegrim? What are you doing like that? Did you come in early or not leave?”
He hurriedly handed me a glass of water. I drank it so quickly I wasn’t sure if it went down my throat or nose, then looked up at him.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Should I take you to the infirmary?”
Looking up at his concerned face, he murmured quietly,
“…Lucky you, to have someone who would cling to you if you said ‘let’s break up’…”
“Uh, w-what?”
“Nothing… Senpai, I’m going to rest today. My head hurts a bit.”
“Should I take you to the Divine Palace or back to your residence?”
I’d found a reasonably sized residence near the palace, though I hadn’t yet organized my room there—it was meant as a refuge for moments like this, when I was overwhelmed and exhausted.
“I’ll go to the Divine Palace. I can go alone…”
“I don’t think you can…”
Benjamin followed me anxiously down the hallway. Seeing me step over the windowsill, he relaxed and withdrew.
“Good evening, Rinne. I was worried overnight.”
His golden eyes twinkled mischievously.
“Eve…”
“I didn’t see you leave the palace, but you weren’t at the Divine Palace.”
Flying hurriedly, his red hair was a mess.
“Even Rei… came despite being busy to see me?”
“Yes. Your state was too alarming to wait.”
Rei could roughly guess my condition as my subordinate. He had probably even delayed work to come see me.
“I’m sorry, Rei…”
Not being able to properly care for myself made me worry Rei. That weighed heavily on my shoulders.
“It’s fine, Rinne. You have nothing to apologize for. Protecting you is my duty.”
“Should I tell Helion? ‘Are you the Crown Prince? You’re about to capture our Rinne!’”
Eve would undoubtedly storm Helion’s office immediately. I weakly waved my hand, declining his offer.
“It’s okay. A little rest will help.”
Feeling Rei’s warmth as he held me, I closed my eyes.
In no time, we arrived at the Divine Palace. Beyond my blurry vision, the servants were moving busily.
“My goodness! You’ve been overworking yourself lately…”
Among them, I spotted Letty for the first time in a while. Unlike her usual composed self, she stomped her feet anxiously.
“L-Letty… hello…”
I wanted to greet her warmly, but my voice failed. My throat burned with heat. My limp hands wouldn’t move. My body felt like heavy, wet cotton.
“I told you no matter how busy, you must sleep!”
I wanted to, too…
My lips twitched, but I couldn’t convey my frustration and fell asleep in Rei’s arms.
