Chapter 83
The wall on one side of the indoor training hall was made entirely of mirrors. Thanks to that, knights could always check their posture, notice bad habits they hadn’t even realized, and correct them.
Standing before the mirror, Kaon stared at his reflection with a sulky face. For someone about to start training, his outfit was too simple, and he wasn’t even holding a sword in his hand.
In truth, Kaon had no intention of training. He simply stood lost in thought, staring silently at the figure in the mirror.
The man in the mirror was a large fellow. From head to toe, he looked nothing but a complete man. That was Kaon himself.
Does she not see me as a man?
After gazing for a while at his unchanged reflection, Kaon let out a sigh. His mind was filled with a single person’s image that relentlessly tormented him.
The cool hand that had touched his cheek, the face that had suddenly drawn close, the red eyes that had studied him as though observing, and the lips that had quietly moved….
The moment he faced Alessia, his composure shattered instantly, and his heart pounded as if it would burst. Blood rushed to his head, and he could hardly breathe.
To Kaon Ferdinand, Alessia Ingelos was that kind of existence. From the very first moment they met, she had always made his heart race.
Ever since that day when her glittering face had peeked out from beneath a black hood, Kaon had fallen in love at first sight.
The problem was that he was suffering through all this alone. Alessia didn’t even seem to see him as a man.
She came and went from his room without the slightest wariness, narrowed the distance between them as if teasing him, yet never once blushed.
Is it because she treats me too much like a friend?
Whether it was right to call it “friendship” he didn’t know, but he had no better word for it.
Before they knew each other’s secrets, there had been a sort of ticklish tension between them. But after holding each other’s weaknesses, they did nothing but snarl whenever they met. Still, calling her an enemy didn’t sit right either.
All in all, their relationship was something hard to define. Kaon knew as much—that it was unusual.
It wasn’t the kind of political engagement where there were no feelings whatsoever, but if asked whether those feelings were all tender and sweet, the answer was no.
It was ambiguous in many ways, but what mattered was that Kaon liked Alessia—and she already knew that. It was an open secret, a one-sided love confessed without words. In other words, Kaon had already made it clear he saw her as a woman.
So why is she so unfazed? I’m the one dying here…
And that was what wounded his pride so much.
Not because Alessia didn’t like him. Not because it felt like a hopeless one-sided love. No, that wasn’t it. What unsettled him was her calmness, her complete lack of fluster.
Kaon knew nothing about love or romance. What he did know was that every moment with Alessia thrilled him.
So even when she teased him, fully aware of his feelings, his heart still fluttered. And when she came close without warning, it nearly stopped beating altogether.
“You’re the one who’s hotter now, aren’t you?”
That was why he had reacted so sensitively to her words. Seeing her laugh so carelessly, oblivious to his feelings, made his heart churn—and stirred in him the childish wish that she, too, might be shaken, just a little.
So when he had finally seen embarrassment in her red eyes as she stared at him, caught off guard and unable to move, Kaon felt oddly relieved. That brief glimpse of her fluster even made him happy.
Just as Alessia understood his feelings, Kaon also understood hers. He knew she sometimes looked at him as though he were still a foolish child. How could he not, after all the time they’d spent together?
But Kaon wanted her to see him as a man. Not as a quarrelsome friend who always ended up making peace, but as her rightful partner—her man. Being her fiancé in name alone wasn’t enough.
He wanted Alessia to be flustered by him more often, to be forced to notice him, to sometimes feel nervous around him. Just as he always did when he faced her.
If that happened, maybe someday, their hearts would beat in unison.
Things will change now.
Thinking of the rare moment when she had looked unsettled, Kaon smirked. From now on, it wouldn’t be Alessia who acted composed—it would be him. At least, that was what he firmly believed.
But expectations always betrayed reality. Kaon looked at Alessia with a sour face, seeing no difference in her behavior.
“…You want me to check your condition?”
“Yes.”
He had given her a warning just yesterday, with no small amount of determination. He had even hoped for a shift in their relationship after that.
But now, barely a day later, after dinner, Alessia had followed him and casually asked him to check the flow of her mana. Her face was as calm as ever—no trace of yesterday’s fluster remained.
“Why? Do you have something to do right now?”
“No, not really.”
“I thought so.”
Her oddly teasing tone made Kaon raise his brows. Strictly speaking, it wasn’t that he had nothing to do—he had already finished everything.
Hadn’t he been training since early morning and gone on inspection? He was resting only because the day’s tasks were done.
She knew that perfectly well, having been with him, yet the way she spoke made it sound like he was just an idle man with no responsibilities. Of course, evenings were usually free time anyway, but still—it grated.
“In my room? Or should we go to yours?”
“…Do whatever you want.”
Her wide-eyed question left Kaon exasperated and robbed of his resolve.
Where had yesterday’s flustered Alessia gone—the one who had stiffened at his closeness? He had thought she’d be more conscious of him now, but she was exactly the same.
While Kaon silently sulked, Alessia headed to her room. He followed, and immediately Filly flew over to greet him.
“Kaon! Kaon!”
“Yeah…”
Kaon slumped into a chair, drained. Filly perched lightly on his shoulder, as naturally as ever. After all, it had been ages since they freely entered and exited each other’s rooms. Nothing about it felt strange.
But watching her, Kaon suddenly realized how wrong this was.
Calling them “each other’s rooms” was ridiculous—they were connected anyway. And since they were to be married someday, it was hardly odd to come and go freely. But the truth was, they had shared this space since they were young.
And while sixteen wasn’t exactly “very young,” Kaon’s feelings at that age had been different from the way he felt now, at eighteen.
So his mindset should have changed when entering her room. Yet it hadn’t. Their daily routine felt too natural, too ordinary.
Summed up briefly, the reality was this: they had shared space, but not hearts.
At this rate, what difference was there between them and family? Kaon did want to be family with Alessia—but not as siblings.
This won’t do. Kaon decided he had to make Alessia more conscious of him.
“You know, when you call me over this late at night…”
“You don’t go to bed early anyway.”
“That’s not the point!”
What if he tried to say: What if I did something? And yet you invite me in at night?
But even as he thought it, he realized how ridiculous it sounded. After all these years of coming and going, would such words have any weight? She’d only laugh.
“No! No!”
And with Filly, the bird he had gifted her, squawking noisily, the whole scene turned silly. It was impossible to set the mood.
He gave up, tilting his head slightly. Alessia had already removed her ring and began carefully drawing her mana. Kaon emptied his mind of distractions and focused on her.
Standing in the middle of the room, Alessia closed her eyes and began to breathe. Even Filly, usually so noisy, kept quiet, simply watching her master.
“Oh…”
Kaon couldn’t help his exclamation. Compared to the mages he had seen in Ferdinand’s tower, Alessia’s mana was still modest.
But unlike before, when her flow had looked like droplets falling and breaking apart, now it moved smoothly throughout her body. Her mana formed a clear path.
He could feel, from that flow, just how much effort she had put in. Only Kaon could know that. How hard must that stubborn girl have worked? His chest tightened at the thought.
“How is it?”
Alessia asked after dispersing her mana. Kaon hesitated. Just saying “you worked hard” didn’t feel enough, but he couldn’t think of better words. If only he had read more books….
“…Well done. You must’ve worked really hard.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah. Honestly, I was surprised. You’ve gotten so much better.”
At that, Alessia smiled softly. Not the bright, eye-crinkling smile she often showed in public, but a quiet, peaceful one.
Kaon suddenly wished she would always smile like that. If she could just smile like this, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go on as they were a little longer.
He wanted to stand by her side as she slowly overcame the scorn and ridicule that had plagued her all her life. And when she grew weary, he wanted to tell her she had nothing to prove—that she was already enough.
“You’ve worked hard.”
He spoke gently, and Alessia nodded slowly. Her head, which had been moving up and down, eventually dropped and stayed lowered.
Kaon deliberately turned his gaze away, looking out the window. The jewel-like starlight shimmered across the dark night sky.
And he prayed quietly to the heavens that Alessia’s future might shine forever, like those stars.
