29.
“…Zaka?”
Zaka grabbed the hand I had left outside the blanket.
His hand, holding mine, was trembling faintly.
Surprised, I looked at his face, dimly visible in the darkness.
“What’s wrong?”
“…Nothing.”
“You’re shaken because of me, aren’t you?”
“That’s not it.”
His voice was unusually careful and subdued, nothing like his usual sharpness.
With that trembling hand, he adjusted his grip on mine.
I realized then—his palm was damp with cold sweat.
So I hadn’t been unconscious after all, just in a very deep sleep?
…Was my fever really that severe?
I gave his hand a small shake.
He reluctantly lifted his head to meet my eyes.
“I’m hungry.”
“…Then I’ll bring something. Eat first, then take medicine.”
“Before that, I want to sit up. Can you help me?”
I stretched out one arm. Zaka bent his head and guided it over his shoulder.
At the same time, his arm slid under my waist.
Carefully, he lifted me, supporting my weight as I leaned against him.
“…Ugh.”
Pain flared where the injury was pressed, and I flinched.
Alarmed, Zaka quickly lowered his upper body, pressing closer to me.
It wasn’t quite a hug, but the distance between us was far too close for mere support.
His stiff expression hovered right before my eyes, his features tired, his hair slightly disheveled.
I heard the faint drag of the blanket and the steady sound of his breathing, so focused and close.
Soon, with pillows stacked behind me, I was able to lean against them.
Zaka carefully adjusted the blanket over me, making sure not to disturb my injured arm or leg.
As the hand lingering at my waist hesitated and began to pull away—
I slid my own hand from his shoulder, gently trailing it down toward the nape of his neck.
Zaka inhaled sharply and froze.
I tugged lightly at his neck.
It wasn’t a strong pull, but he let himself be drawn toward me without resistance.
At first, he seemed not to understand my intent. But when it dawned on him, he suddenly climbed onto the bed.
Before I could react to the looming shadow above me, he pulled me into his arms.
His hand slid up my back, clamping against the back of my head, pressing me firmly into his chest.
He leaned down hard, as if he might bury himself in me. I managed to tilt my head and rest my chin on his shoulder.
For all the force of the embrace, he was careful not to put weight on me.
I let my arm hang around his neck and stayed still, letting him rest his face against my shoulder and breathe heavily.
Something soft brushed against my skin—his lips. Then they pressed down, firm and desperate.
Every time he exhaled, the strands of my hair tickled at my ear.
It had been so long since I’d felt someone else’s heartbeat against my chest that the sensation felt strange.
I hadn’t meant for things to go this far, and instinctively I wanted to push him away.
But instead, I quietly stayed in his arms, patting his back gently.
His body trembled for a long while before gradually calming.
“…I was scared,” he murmured.
I started to speak, then closed my mouth as he continued.
“No matter how much I didn’t want to believe it… damn it, I realized—I have something I’m afraid to lose now.”
“…”
“And that’s not supposed to happen. I… I’m not supposed to let this happen.”
Listening to his muffled voice, it struck me: I didn’t know if he had a family, or how many, or even where his hometown was. Nothing.
Not once had he ever let slip a single piece of his life.
Had he never had anything precious?
So now, when for the first time it felt like something could be taken from him—
Did that fear come crashing down, leaving him shaken and powerless?
The way I had once been myself.
Thinking that, I couldn’t bring myself to push him away.
In a few days, my body was much better.
As long as I was careful about avoiding another fever, I had no real problems.
Of course, the wound in my leg still made things inconvenient, but that was natural.
The physician said it would take quite a while to heal fully. So being stuck in my bedroom all day was starting to feel suffocating.
“You should just eat here,” Julie said anxiously, steadying me as I wobbled to my feet.
Honestly, she looked worse than I did, like the one who’d been sick was her, not me.
I felt guilty, but I wasn’t about to give in on this one.
I couldn’t stand lying in that bedroom all day anymore.
Did Julie think I was an infant?
“The physician said emotional stability was most important. Well, I can’t feel stable stuck in that room,” I complained.
“You’re just worried the wound might reopen…” she muttered weakly, not even scolding me like she usually would.
I tugged at her sleeve, almost whining.
“Being in that room all the time is stifling!”
“When I begged you to go outside for fresh air, you refused. And now, when you’re injured—”
Julie sighed, but then spotted Zaka coming into the room.
Seizing the chance, she promptly shoved me off on him.
Before I could even react, Zaka had scooped me up into his arms.
“Wha—hey?!”
My hand reached for the crutch leaning by the bed, but it was too late.
Annoyed, I grumbled,
“Am I a piece of luggage? You can’t just pick me up and carry me wherever you like!”
“You heard the physician say you mustn’t put weight on that leg,” Zaka replied flatly.
Then, turning his head slightly, he muttered loud enough for me to hear,
“Not like anyone asked you to get injured.”
“Excuse me? Wasn’t that a little rude just now?”
“…”
“‘Not like anyone asked you to get injured’? That’s basically talking down to me.”
“Is it? I don’t recall.”
His shameless answer left me speechless.
Julie! Look at this!
But Julie only ignored me, her expression calm as ever.
Instead, she said with a cool voice,
“Take good care of Lady Anastasia. I’m trusting you.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t let her walk around freely,” Zaka answered.
His words weren’t exactly kind, but considering their usual relationship, the tone between them was downright friendly.
A sudden sense of danger crept over me.
“So you two never thought you might be overprotecting me?”
“…”
“…”
“You’re teaming up against me, aren’t you? Ignoring me together like this?”
I gaped.
“This is unfair! It’s overprotection!”
Julie’s eyes narrowed, as if I’d offended her.
Then, as Zaka carried me out, she called after us, loud enough for me to hear:
“Absolutely do not put her down.”
At that, Zaka’s lips curled into a faint smile, his eyes flashing coldly.
As if he had gladly accepted Julie’s request.
Alarmed, I shouted toward the closing door,
“Julie! How could you? What about our nearly twenty years of friendship? Julie!”
The door shut.
“…You’re really not going to put me down?” I asked quickly, switching tactics.
He couldn’t possibly mean to carry me around like this all day.
I tried a serious tone, hoping to strike a deal.
“We’ll keep it a secret from Julie, okay? Just sneak me my crutch so I can walk downstairs. Please?”
“You’re planning to go to the dining hall, aren’t you?”
No luck.
“…”
Still in Zaka’s arms, I kicked my legs in protest.
“Since when do you listen to Julie this well?”
But he only frowned, gripping the hem of my skirt tightly to stop me from moving my legs at all.
I wasn’t completely unable to walk—if I was careful, it would be fine.
…Of course, I just had to injure my leg of all things.
“You’re really not going to put me down? Even if I beg?”
He must have heard how my voice softened, because I felt him hesitate.
But he only shrugged and said,
“I have no choice. A servant can’t neglect his duty to care for his master.”
“…”
I clamped my mouth shut.
After I asked so nicely—how could he ignore me like this?
“…Do you even like me?” I blurted.
Let’s see if he could brush that off.
After everything that had happened, we couldn’t keep pretending.
We both knew. And if we kept burying it, it would only fester.
If we said it out loud, maybe it wouldn’t feel lighter—but at least we could pretend it did.
“You say you like me, but how can you treat me this way? Isn’t this ungrateful?”
I tugged at his ear mischievously.
He frowned, but he didn’t look offended.
Instead, he gave a short laugh and asked,
“Who said I liked you, Baroness?”
A crooked smile tugged at his lips, playful and teasing.
“Oh, really? Then who was it hugging me and crying when I woke up?”
“Wasn’t it you who hugged me first?”
“When did I—!”
I only meant to comfort him with a few pats!
“And I didn’t cry. Are you sure you’re not confusing me with someone else?”
He was mocking me now.
What—did he think I was the type to cheat, to have lovers on the side?
I was innocent, completely single!
And the one who had been closest to me all along—was him!
