Chapter 74
The sun was dipping past the horizon when evening came. Only then did Lucia return to the mansion, watching the scenery outside the rattling carriage.
“We should hold a proper engagement ceremony. Maybe after summer passes?”
“…No. Since it came to this, let’s do it as soon as possible. We’re going to get married anyway, aren’t we?”
She had finally decided to get engaged to Bern.
She wondered if she was taking advantage of a moment when Bern’s resolve had weakened, but he accepted the engagement as if he had never wavered at all, quickly regaining his composure.
And so, the two talked late into the night about their future.
In the end, they decided to hold the engagement ceremony before summer was over.
She was the one who suggested they do it sooner, yet watching Bern follow along without complaint made her feel like she was playing the villain.
Perhaps noticing these feelings, Bern spoke to Lucia as she left the mansion:
“Lucia, you don’t need to feel guilty. This is my decision.”
He told her she didn’t need to burden herself with guilt, but even so, she couldn’t help feeling uneasy.
Her own love had been one that could never be fulfilled, but Bern had once been lovers with Celine—someone he had promised to marry.
And today, didn’t Celine herself say she was free now?
Bern had said the biggest obstacle in their breakup had been their parents’ opposition.
But now, Bern’s father—the former marquis—had passed away, and Celine, whom he thought lost forever, was also free.
For Bern, it was the chance of a lifetime.
He had loved Celine so deeply that he shut himself away from the world for a year, unable to see anyone.
At first, Lucia pitied his circumstances. She wanted to help him, just as he had once helped her.
So without thinking, the words “Let’s get engaged” had slipped out of her mouth. She never expected Bern to accept so quickly.
“If I were Bern… would I have done the same?”
Lucia closed her eyes and pictured Bern and Celine. Naturally, the image shifted into herself and Herwin.
“Forget that man. Marry me instead, Lucia.”
The sweet, completely unrealistic fantasy made her laugh without realizing it.
“Why did I think our situations were the same? From the starting line, Bern and I are completely different.”
Celine had been Bern’s lover once; it was understandable that she would want to hold onto him.
But she and Herwin had never been anything.
If she had to label it, maybe “childhood friends,” or a “one-sided crush.”
She thought she had let go of Herwin, but defining their relationship like that suddenly made her feel pathetic.
“But if Herwin were to hold onto me…”
She would waver.
Of course, she’d hesitate because of Bern. But it wasn’t because she saw Bern as a man or because she liked him so much she didn’t want to lose him.
It was simply because she had promised to get engaged.
Just because someone you love appears doesn’t mean you can coldly sever everything with someone else.
“…So is that why Bern chose me?”
Given how similar the two of them were, it didn’t seem impossible.
He was the type to even hesitate saying Celine’s name.
Still… it didn’t feel like he had chosen her just out of guilt.
“Haa… I don’t know anymore.”
She couldn’t even understand her own heart—how could she understand someone else’s?
Too much had happened today. Her head was a mess.
Lucia leaned against the carriage wall, exhausted.
“I should sleep early tonight.”
She tried to empty her mind as she slowly closed her eyes, when she felt the carriage slowing down.
Just as she waited for the coachman to announce their arrival—
“Ah, milady…”
The coachman sounded a little flustered.
“There’s a carriage from House Peneus at the door. What should we do?”
Lucia opened her eyes in surprise and looked outside. Just as he said, a carriage bearing the crest of House Peneus was parked in front of the mansion.
“…Herwin?”
Soon, Herwin stepped down from the carriage.
She hadn’t seen him since the night she had dinner with Bern and Aristia.
At Christine’s party a few days ago, she left so suddenly she couldn’t even greet Herwin or the others.
It had only been about a month, but for some reason, seeing him again felt like it had been far longer.
Maybe that was why—her heart was beating unusually fast.
Holding her chest without realizing it, Lucia flinched when she saw Herwin walking toward her carriage.
Knock, knock—
“Lucia? It’s you, right?”
Startled out of her thoughts, Lucia hastily opened the carriage door.
“Herwin. What are you doing here?”
When she stepped out, Herwin backed away a bit.
“Were you waiting outside this whole time? You should’ve waited inside.”
It struck her as odd that he stayed outside rather than entering the mansion. But more than that—she finally noticed how terrible Herwin looked.
Dark circles under his eyes, cheeks sunken more than before—he looked painfully gaunt.
“Heavens! What happened to your face? Are you sick?”
When her hand touched his cheek, Herwin flinched.
“You look thinner than before! And what’s with the dark circles? Are you not sleeping? Or were you really sick?”
Thinking he might be unwell, Lucia fussed over him in a panic.
“This won’t do. Let’s go inside. I need to check you properly and call a doctor—”
As she grabbed his arm, Herwin gently placed his hand over hers.
Only then did Lucia pause and look at him. Her eyes widened.
Herwin—that Herwin—was blushing as he looked at her with an unfathomable expression.
His red eyes trembled faintly. Lucia had a feeling she knew what that look meant.
No way…
“…Lucia.”
His lips moved. He stepped closer.
“Can you… not break things off with Marquis Casper?”
Lucia’s lips parted slightly.
“I don’t want to see you with him. No—just the thought of another man beside you makes me sick.”
It was shockingly close to the fantasy she had imagined in the carriage… except even more startling coming from his mouth.
Lucia couldn’t understand what he was saying.
Herwin was still speaking, but none of it reached her ears—only a buzzing sound echoed like tinnitus.
Yet she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him.
When she stared at him too intently, Herwin avoided her eyes, turning his head sharply as if even one second of eye contact would kill him.
He looked… like someone in love.
His face was redder than the setting sun, and the warm, large hand holding hers was damp with sweat.
“I know it’s strange for me to come like this and say all this. But it’s all true. It’s not because I dislike Marquis Casper like before—it’s because…”
“Herwin.”
Herwin stopped rambling. When their blue and red eyes met, he firmly shut his mouth.
“…Do you… like me?”
His ears flushed bright red. After a moment of silence, Herwin lowered his head.
“…Yeah.”
Even with his head lowered, he was tall and she was small—Lucia could clearly see his face.
A face completely soaked in love—more than he ever showed Aristia.
Lucia stared at him, frozen.
Then her expression stiffened.
And she scowled.
“That’s a lie.”
“…It’s not a lie.”
“No, it is. There’s no way you like me.”
Lucia was convinced this was some terrible joke Herwin was playing.
“This kind of prank isn’t funny at all. If you came here to joke, go home.”
As she tried to turn away, Herwin quickly grabbed her.
“Lucia, please. Listen to me.”
“Let go!”
She shoved his hand away. Tears were building in her eyes.
“You’ve never once seen me as a woman! You said I was just a friend, that you liked Aristia! So why are you saying you like me now—!”
Before she could finish, Herwin pulled her into a tight embrace.
The deep musk scent filled her nose.
“I’m sorry for treating you so harshly. I regret hurting you. Lucia, I didn’t like Aristia. I like you—no, I love you.”
It was the confession she had wanted to hear so desperately she would beg for it even in dreams. But right now, all she felt was bitterness.
“I took your presence for granted. I never thought you’d grow tired. I foolishly believed the affection you gave me would last forever.”
Herwin buried his face in her hair.
“You were always at the end of my gaze. I was just too stupid to realize it.”
“I don’t believe you… You always liked Aristia…”
Even with Herwin’s raw sincerity, Lucia couldn’t accept his words.
“Aristia was admiration. I mistook admiration for love. You won’t believe me, but even when I thought I liked her, I didn’t care if she met other men. But you—no. The thought of you with Marquis Casper drives me insane.”
The desperation in the way he held her—tight enough to crush her—conveyed the truth in his words.
As his long-time friend, as someone who once loved him, Lucia understood that he was sincere.
But at the same time, the years of rejection and hurt filled her with fear.
The man who always said he liked Aristia was now saying it was all a misunderstanding.
If this was another misunderstanding—
If someday he said, “It was all a mistake—I don’t love you,”
she would break.
She didn’t want to be hurt again.
“That’s… your imagination.”
“…Lucia.”
“You don’t love me. Right?”
Herwin stepped back and stared at her. Faced with the wall in her heart, he felt despair crash into him.
His feelings didn’t reach her.
His chest felt shredded—he could barely breathe. But he bit down on his lip and steadied himself. He couldn’t give up.
“If you don’t believe me, I’ll say it again. I love you, Lucia.”
Lucia’s blue eyes trembled faintly.
Then—
