You’re Dead
Chapter 10
At my answer, he let out a small laugh and took my hand.
You could hold it tighter, I thought.
With that thought, I placed my hand on your shoulder—something I hadn’t done in a very long time.
Feeling the hand around my waist, the closeness between us felt like a dream.
In the past, I hadn’t enjoyed banquets—neither had he.
And yet, I found myself grateful for the music playing now.
Kardin was right in front of me, and I was wrapped in the arms I had missed so dearly.
It was so overwhelming that I felt I could thank even my unmerciful god—
even if I were to die for him right now.
I was simply happy. Truly.
“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”
I tilted my head slightly.
What kind of expression was reflected in Kardin’s eyes right now?
Did I look like a foolish woman smiling to herself?
No—there must have been others who looked at him like this too.
“Ahem. Do you always look at others like that?”
When I remained silent, he asked again.
Like the slow music flowing around us, I gently shook my head.
“I don’t know what my eyes look like to you right now, Grand Duke, but…”
“……”
“I can say for certain that I don’t look at others this way.”
As he furrowed his brow out of habit, my lips curved upward.
“Grand Duke.”
“Yes?”
“How do I look in your eyes?”
Kardin slowly closed and opened his eyes before answering.
“I’m not sure what you intend by asking me that.”
“I was just curious if I look different now compared to earlier in the garden.”
“……You look the same.”
At his answer, I let out a weak laugh.
When I had returned to my room and looked in the mirror after seeing him in the garden, I had felt so regretful.
“…I see.”
Along with that regret, the music came to an end.
And so did our meeting.
Releasing his hand, I offered Kardin my final greeting.
“Grand Duke Ferdian, thank you for being my first dance partner. And… I was truly very happy to meet you. May God’s grace reach you completely.”
This time, I was the one who turned away first.
Biting my lip, I slowly left the banquet hall.
I walked through the quiet corridor and headed not to my room, but to the garden.
Even as I bit my lip, tears kept falling, and I let out a small, incredulous laugh.
Still, I thanked my god for letting me see him like this, at least once.
When I stepped outside, a sudden gust of wind made me close my eyes tightly.
Why did this day feel so short?
It was a day that made me wish tomorrow would never come.
Opening my eyes, I walked through the neatly kept garden and sat on a gently swaying chair.
Being here brought back the unforgettable moment from just earlier—
the moment we exchanged our first greetings in this life.
It kept replaying in my mind.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Saintess Shallen Melissa.”
“I’m Kardin, Lord Ferdian.”
You must have thought I was strange—
a woman who cried upon meeting you.
I chuckled softly.
“I couldn’t help missing you.”
The words slipped out, and tears streamed down my cheeks.
Leaning back in the chair, I looked up at the sky.
The stars and moon glittering in the dark night sky were especially beautiful tonight.
Almost too beautiful.
They only made me miss you more—
completely unaware, completely merciless.
As the wind brushed past, my tear-streaked face felt cold.
Thinking that today might be the last time I’d ever see you made not only my face but also my chest ache with cold pain.
Looking at the sky that reminded me of you, I reflected on myself.
Meeting you made me greedy—far too greedy.
I thought about what I truly wanted most.
My greatest wish was your peace.
So this is where I should stop being greedy.
From now on, I must not.
You are a man who died again and again simply for being the husband of a saintess who had already lost all her divine power.
So I must stop longing for you.
Stop wanting to see you.
Stop loving you.
* * *
Standing in the center of the hall, Kardin quietly stared at the banquet doors.
A strange woman.
They had only met today, yet she looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read.
She asked him to dance first, then left the hall the moment the music ended.
Shallen Melissa.
The newly announced Saintess of the Melissa Temple.
Rubbing his raised eyebrow, Kardin began walking toward the door she had exited through.
He had already kept his promise to the king simply by showing his face at the banquet.
There was no need to stay longer.
As the music faded, the sound of his shoes echoed more clearly through the quiet corridor.
On his way to his room, Kardin’s gaze drifted toward the garden where he had first met her.
That woman.
She hadn’t seemed shy.
So why had she fled the banquet like she was running away?
As the moon slowly emerged from behind the clouds, her face came clearly into view.
She was crying.
Why?
Without realizing it, Kardin stopped and looked down at her—without making a sound.
Was it consideration for a sorrowful woman?
Or simply habit?
He didn’t know.
There was no pity in his eyes.
And perhaps that was only natural.
She was a woman he had just met.
All he knew was that she was the Saintess of the Melissa Temple.
He neither knew nor felt the need to know her circumstances.
Before becoming Grand Duke—and even now—countless people had approached him with their intentions laid bare.
Women who stumbled in front of him,
women who boldly suggested dances with obvious motives.
There were countless such women.
And he knew exactly what followed after a single dance.
Rumors.
Speculation.
Talk of engagement.
Who would become the next Grand Duchess?
Because he knew how freely people would gossip, he avoided banquets altogether.
So today, he had acted uncharacteristically.
Was it because the title “Saintess” felt safe?
Then why had he stopped walking now?
As he turned away to resume his steps, Kardin’s brow suddenly creased deeply.
The saintess, unaware that someone was watching her, tightened her grip around the handkerchief.
She let the tears continue to fall.
A woman acting pitiful—yet strangely, the word didn’t suit her at all.
That was what Kardin thought.
When he heard footsteps from the other end of the corridor, he finally turned away from the woman in the garden and left.
Not long after, as Shallen stared at the neatly folded handkerchief and gathered herself to stand—
His scent drifted toward her.
“Kardin…”
Without realizing it, she spoke his name and slowly lifted her head.
Kardin looked down at her, one eyebrow raised.
He met her gaze—those reddened eyes staring up at him.
“Ah… Grand Duke Ferdian.”
She looked flustered, realizing she had called his name.
If he asked why, what excuse could she give?
As she searched for one, he spoke first—
and said something she hadn’t expected.
“Did you cry again?”
Shallen hesitated, then forced a small smile and shook her head.
Watching her lie, Kardin’s eyebrow twitched.
But he didn’t press the issue.
“Why are you here, Grand Duke…? Has the banquet already ended?”
She knew it hadn’t.
She was only pretending to be calm.
“The banquet is still ongoing. I came out to get some night air. Why are you here, Saintess?”
“Me too. The night sky is beautiful.”
A brief silence followed.
