Chapter 60………………………………………………..
“Do you want to leave Melissa?”
It was both an obvious and a belated question.
I had been so consumed with the thought that I needed to change the future immediately that I hadn’t properly looked at her.
Just as I had experienced it, this place must have been hell for her as well.
Even I had found comfort in the barracks I stayed in near the borderline and missed it. Yet now, even my own room feels stifling.
Only now do I look into her heart.
I thought being by my side would be the safest place for her, but I couldn’t fully pull her out of this hell.
Aria looked at me intently, then her eyes welled up.
She had always been so calm, yet for the first time, her inner turmoil broke through like crashing waves, laid bare on her face.
“I’m sorry for asking only now.”
“…….”
Aria lowered her head, silently crying as she wiped away her tears with her sleeve.
There must have been many reasons she hadn’t told me sooner.
As someone who had experienced it before, she must have worried about me.
Perhaps she couldn’t bring herself to say she was leaving me behind.
She had always been kind, the same Aria I had looked up to.
“Don’t think about me. I want to hear your opinion, Aria.”
She hesitated for a long moment, her tears stifled, before slowly parting her lips.
“……I want to leave.”
Guilt surged. I had thought that as long as she stayed by my side, she would have completely escaped that hell.
But in this place, filled with those who had dragged her into the mud, abandoned her after using her… no one would want to stay.
I recalled the information Philip had brought about the saints.
Aria was listed as being from the Kingdom of Nadeli, far from here.
“Do you want to return to Nadeli?”
Her shoulders flinched for a moment.
The reason was clear. She had been sold by her parents as a child. Perhaps “abandoned” would be a more fitting word.
The pope, who had visited Nadeli, found her without even being able to hide her wounds properly and reached out his hand.
The child, desperate to escape the abuse, entered Melissa’s care that very day.
She had bitterly laughed, saying it must have been easy for the pope to hand over a few coins and get a written agreement from her abusive parents.
She never imagined she would become a saint the moment she arrived.
She had simply grown up here with me.
“If you leave, do you have somewhere to go?”
Aria shook her head. I looked up at the statue of God.
The reason we hadn’t even thought of escaping wasn’t only the thick iron bars. At least, that’s how I felt now.
We had clung to our last pride as saints.
We couldn’t leave because we were afraid of being abandoned again, of having yet another stigma stamped on us.
Were there people who didn’t know our faces? We had been to so many places…
Melissa may have tied our ankles, but we hadn’t even tried to leave. Surrounded by countless emotions, we had been trapped there.
Aria, tears glistening in her eyes, laughed weakly.
“Isn’t it amusing that someone who was a saint has nowhere to go? Or should I say, because I was a saint, I have nowhere to go….”
I laughed weakly as well. It wasn’t really something to laugh about, but I too had nowhere to go.
If she had wanted to return home, she would have done anything.
If she had family who cared about her, someone would have come for her.
Why must God’s daughters always be abandoned, bearing loneliness? Is this also part of becoming a saint?
Yet now is not the time to think about myself. I took a deep breath and exhaled.
Though this place was hell, she hadn’t left, perhaps because she feared what hell might await outside.
“I’ll find out. A place for you to stay, Aria.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll help you leave this place.”
She swallowed her tears again without answering.
Aria left the prayer room, and I leaned back against a chair. Even inside the room, the scent of the forest, wet with early morning dew, lingered.
I gazed emptily at the lofty ceiling.
The reason they hadn’t been wary of Aria was that there were restrictions.
I only realized this today.
They had never really looked at me; I didn’t want to think beyond this place.
After witnessing Kardin’s death repeatedly, traveling further into the past, I knew nothing.
In my past life, I had been a person pieced together for Melissa’s convenience.
A pitiful life. Even when I tried not to follow that path, I was still inadequate and felt diminished.
I lowered my head and showed God my true self.
The face I wanted to hide from everyone, I revealed only to God.
With restrictions in place, it wouldn’t be too difficult to send her out. But just in case, I needed to find a safe place.
There weren’t many trustworthy people, and the places that came to mind were obvious.
I shouldn’t get entangled.
If I had returned to an even further past, perhaps I would have left the sanctuary thinking only of myself, without this sense of responsibility.
Yet again, such fleeting thoughts came.
Seeing the huge wave before me, I felt urgency in everything, but I couldn’t help blaming the situation and my unprepared self.
When this unease arose, I closed my eyes and felt the sacred energy flowing within me.
The power I still possessed, neither gone nor diminished.
Thus, I hid my weakness once more.
“What are you spacing out for again?”
Kardin ignored Raymond’s words and stared at the barracks where the saint had stayed.
Raymond plopped onto the floor, resting his arms on his knees.
“Are you feeling empty because the saint is leaving?”
Perhaps.
It hadn’t been noisy or bothersome having her around. She had been like a calm breeze.
Yet perhaps because we spent a few days together, the emptiness was there.
Looking at the ownerless quarters, Kardin spoke.
“Raymond.”
“Huh?”
“Do you know anything about the Melissa temple?”
“Well… you know I don’t believe in gods either.”
“Now it sounds like you believe.”
“I saw that power—what else can I do but admit it exists?”
Kardin remained silent, seemingly agreeing.
“If you know anything, it’s that the saint doesn’t want the same things as the old men of the temple.”
Kardin raised his eyebrows toward Raymond, who shrugged.
“I’m not sure if that’s still true, but do you know why the Melissa temple never comes to places like this and only goes to royal or imperial events?”
I had never really thought about it. The first time I met Shalen was also at the Helen Kingdom crown prince ceremony.
I didn’t expect her to come here.
Saints were noble beings, but this place is dangerous. That’s what I had thought.
Now I knew she possessed unparalleled strength, but my ingrained thoughts hadn’t changed.
When Kardin didn’t answer, Raymond smirked.
“The temple wants relics as a fee for the pilgrimage.”
“Relics?”
“Yes. Relics. But since she’s here, maybe the saint doesn’t know. Or maybe they sent her because of the Helen Kingdom.”
Kardin frowned, as if hearing nonsense.
“What are you saying?”
“Nicholas Kingdom was excluded from the saint’s pilgrimage for a long time. No matter how many invitations were sent, they didn’t come.”
“Is that related to the relics?”
Raymond nodded briefly.
Relics were not common enough to stumble upon.
Yet Melissa always demanded relics, and when there was nothing left to offer, they stopped visiting sharply.
“They may have sent her because they wanted only the Helen Kingdom’s relics. If there’s another reason, it would be the saint’s will.”
“Does Melissa claim ownership because they’re relics?”
Raymond chuckled.
“Even if the Melissa temple is the central temple, there are temples elsewhere. How could they claim ownership? And the transaction is conducted secretly, so it’s probably not a simple reason.”
Kardin recalled how the saint had been wary of the temple people and returned his gaze to the empty barracks.
