CHAPTER 51
We triggered the loop of memory. Would it take us again into the space of memories related to Dave?
Darkness surrounded us. It was a space with only a narrow path.
“Aren’t you in pain?”
“Huh?”
“I thought you might have overexerted yourself today.”
His gaze was fixed on my shoes.
“Oh. I’m fine.”
“You may hold me if you wish.”
“Huh?”
Cardin bent his arm slightly and tilted his head.
I hesitated for a moment, then gently placed my hand on his arm.
“Thank you for your consideration.”
“…Do you understand the feelings of this flower, Saint?”
The emotions I had once fused with were vivid enough that I could never forget them.
Even if the colors we associated with them were different, I felt like I understood.
“Yes.”
The excitement and joy toward someone, and even the painfully deep longing. How could I not understand?
In the process where the flower doubted itself as abandoned and then confirmed it, I recalled the temple that trapped me in a corner of hell, and the god I desperately sought but who never answered.
“And you?”
“Well… I’m not sure. Some parts felt familiar, but there were far more parts I couldn’t comprehend.”
For Cardin, it might have been hard to understand, but perhaps it was an emotion learned through the heart first, before the mind could grasp it.
“It seems similar to a situation where the heart received the emotion before I even understood it.”
What could he mean? It was similar to what I thought—but different.
Did he also have wounds? There were many sides of Cardin I did not know, so I couldn’t tell what experiences these words stemmed from.
Perhaps it was feelings toward his parents.
“You’re not going to ask?”
“If I ask and it’s a painful matter, that would be rude.”
Cardin paused and looked down at me. My footsteps stopped along with his.
After a long silence, he slowly spoke.
“Then… would it be rude if I asked you, Saint?”
I had no idea what he wanted to ask.
There were still many emotions I wanted to confess to him—but only the ones I could not speak.
I smiled faintly and looked at the long path ahead.
“My story isn’t interesting.”
As I took a step ahead, the hand I had placed on his arm fell weakly.
How could I possibly tell someone I wasn’t even close to about the moments I had lost you? I couldn’t even speak then.
Now, I regretted it a little.
Back then, seeing the future, I wanted to tell him not to go—that I had lived a life like hell there. That he was like someone who had cut ties with Melissa, and I wanted to beg him not to go.
If I had said not to worry about me… would he have promised to stay, as if to say he wouldn’t leave my life even once like a dream?
“…We still have a long way to go.”
Before I realized it, he had come to my side and lifted the hand I had let fall.
“…Yes, let’s go.”
Holding him again, I forgot the pain in my feet and walked side by side with him.
The space where time did not exist was pure darkness.
I couldn’t even tell how long we had walked. Then, at some point, the surroundings began to brighten as if lights were turning on, click by click.
The path we had walked disappeared, and we arrived at another space created by memory.
It was the forest we had first arrived in.
But it was much livelier than before, a dense forest, with the sound of water as if a stream ran nearby.
Just from the atmosphere of the space, I could tell this memory was older.
Hearing voices from the distance, I glanced around.
Cardin pointed to a spot.
“There it is.”
A girl with silvery-blue hair was crouched down.
“You… you were abandoned, right?”
“When did you brag about being loved by Gloria?”
Those speaking to the child were tiny beings, as small as flower petals, floating in the air.
It was hard to even estimate how old this memory was. Perhaps it was from before the kingdom’s history began.
The spirits residing in plants or inanimate objects loved by gods.
In history, we called them “elementals.” Beings that vanished from history, never to be seen again.
“You were bragging about being special, weren’t you? Tch.”
“You harmed humans, didn’t you? Well, now you can’t even be called an elemental.”
“Then, what should we call this one now?”
“What else to call it… a monster flower.”
The spirits spoke to the small girl.
It was immediately clear that she was the owner of the memory.
“So it seems calling her God’s Flower wasn’t a complete lie.”
“Indeed. She must have been an elemental, hence called God’s Flower.”
The girl bowed her head, wiping tears from her hands.
“I… I just told them because they were curious…”
“The one who heard that died, right?”
“You interfered too much in human life.”
“Well, if you’re an elemental, it’s natural to know that much!”
“I only wanted to help! I was curious, I wanted to know the feelings of someone I loved!”
“But in return, you took that person’s life force.”
“That! They said I could take it!”
The elementals scolded her.
“You still don’t realize your mistake!”
“Even Gloria won’t forgive you.”
“That’s right. That was no different from the work of a demon.”
The girl clutched one of the spirits, pleading.
“I want to meet Gloria. She’ll forgive me if she sees me.”
“You’ve already been abandoned.”
“You don’t even smell like an elemental anymore. Gloria must have taken her power away.”
“God’s Flower? No, now you’re a monster flower.”
“I… I wasn’t abandoned!”
“Just by not being destroyed, you’ve already been abandoned by Gloria.”
“That’s right. The destruction of elementals is God’s will.”
They said leaving an elemental undestroyed was just another form of cruel punishment.
Elementals infused with Gloria’s power would normally grow their own abilities in nature and help humans.
But this crying girl had been abandoned by God due to a single misjudgment and action.
Listening to a conversation among elementals that only existed in history, I felt a strange weight in my chest.
Was it because my emotions were fused with the flower that had now become a monster flower? Or because I had once felt abandoned by God myself?
Seeing the crying child reminded me of my past self, and my eyes also grew red.
I suppressed the surge of emotions by reminding myself that Cardin was beside me.
Then, a handkerchief was offered to me. Looking up at him, he gave a faint smile.
“Didn’t I say I’d hold onto it?”
“….”
When we were married, we rarely spoke.
Because of that, I had foolishly thought we were only bound by marriage out of necessity.
Perhaps that wasn’t true.
Both of us spoke little. Perhaps the sense of stability given by that silence wasn’t just something I felt.
We had shared a fairly happy married life, which made me suddenly think that I might have loved him.
I didn’t know why that thought came to me now.
Perhaps it was just a hope that in my past life, even if he didn’t feel as strongly as I did, he might have had a small fondness for me.
“Excuse me for a moment.”
Unable to do anything but watch, he carefully wiped the tears from my eyes, as he had before.
“Have your emotions been fused here as well?”
“I suppose so. And you?”
“…I’m not sure.”
In that moment, more tears fell from my eyes, leaving marks on his handkerchief again.
I wanted to ask why he was being so kind to me.
I knew he was a warm person, but also blunt toward those he did not like.
Why now, to someone who isn’t his wife like before, is he being so kind? But I swallowed the question; I wasn’t ready to hear any answer yet.
The atmosphere changed then. The laughter of the elementals, who had been scolding the child, stopped for a moment.
