You Died –
Chapter 36……………………………………….
“Saintess! Please come this way and have your meal! The Holy Knights as well!”
A knight of the Grand Duke’s household called out to us loudly.
Alec fell silent for a moment, placed a hand over his chest, and bowed.
“I will obey.”
Both he and I took another step away from the habits and ways of thinking that had been ingrained in us like brainwashing back in Melissa.
We still had a long way to go, though.
“Shall we go, Saintess?”
“You go on ahead. I’d like to eat quietly.”
He looked at me briefly, then nodded.
“Understood.”
Alec soon joined the Holy Knights.
Fortunately, the knights Alec had carefully selected adapted to this place quickly. The Holy Knights, who had never faced monsters before, were eating while asking the Grand Duke’s knights questions.
I rolled my eyes, hurriedly searching for someone among the many knights. I couldn’t see Cardin—nor could I see him.
“So they didn’t come.”
It was a brief mutter.
Seeing familiar faces after so long, I must have unconsciously started looking for them.
I received my food and sat down on a fallen log.
I wasn’t particularly hungry, so I stared blankly up at the sky.
Across both this life and my previous one, today was the first day I had truly done the work of a Saintess.
The feeling it gave me was heavy, yet fluttering. It was similar to the excitement I felt when I was first proclaimed a Saintess, back when I knew nothing.
Perhaps, in those childhood days, this was what I dreamed of. To me, the Saintess had been like salvation—someone who reached out a hand.
I was definitely happy, and there was excitement too, yet my heart felt strangely calm.
Because the thought that, in my previous life, these people had been abandoned by me for being too late refused to let go.
Had they waited for me?
“Does the meal not suit your taste?”
I turned toward the voice. Its owner was already sitting a short distance beside me.
“Monster meat may look like that, but it actually tastes quite good.”
“Ah, yes.”
Raymon pressed down on his shoulder slightly and tilted his head.
“Well, if it doesn’t suit you, there’s bread as well.”
“No, it’s fine. I was just looking at the sky for a moment. I’ll eat it.”
It seemed he intended to stay until I finished eating; he leaned back and gazed up at the sky as well.
When I glanced at him, he spoke first, explaining why he was here.
“I came down briefly to speak with the Grand Duke.”
“Oh, did it go well?”
“Yes. More or less.”
With nothing more to say, I brought the monster meat to my mouth.
Beside me sat the man who had killed his friend because of me, and yet, absurdly, the meat went down easily.
It wasn’t grotesque or unpleasant, but I had never imagined monster meat would taste good. The moment it touched my tongue, my eyes widened.
“How is it?”
“…It’s delicious. Really.”
“I caught it myself. That one’s the tastiest.”
“Have you eaten already, Your Highness?”
“Of course. Ah, I ate too early. If I’d known, I would’ve eaten with you, Saintess.”
His voice wasn’t particularly quiet, nor was the conversation serious, yet somehow he felt different from how he had seemed earlier in the day.
It could have been uncomfortable, but it was a surprisingly pleasant meal. No—perhaps the most comfortable one I’d had in a while.
“Saintess.”
“Yes. Please go on.”
I straightened my back and set the plate aside.
“Why did you come here?”
It was uncomfortable, but since he didn’t know the current me, I thought I could answer no matter what he said.
When I didn’t respond, he slowly took in the stars again and asked,
“I’m simply curious. Melissa usually doesn’t come to places like this, does it?”
He had said it hadn’t been long since he and Cardin began guarding this place. It was as if, with a generational shift, they had inherited its protection.
If so, he likely didn’t know the Saintess’s pilgrimage route well.
Or did he? It was a pilgrimage route open to everyone. Strangely, no one had ever questioned it. Not even I had ever doubted the pilgrimage paths of the previous Saintesses.
At his words, my lips parted slightly. It felt as though my shameful past had been exposed.
“…To become a Saintess.”
“I was under the impression that you had already received the title of Saintess.”
“I mean a real Saintess. Going where I’m needed and helping people…”
“So it was your will.”
“What?”
“It’s only the Holy Knights and you who are here.”
“Well, it is a dangerous place.”
“Isn’t that all the more reason to protect and watch over people? At least, that’s how the temple in my childhood fantasies was.”
His words weren’t sharp, yet they felt as though they were piercing my chest again and again.
“So much…”
I trailed off, unsure how to finish what I had started to say.
He didn’t press me on it. And I didn’t ask him.
Whether he believed in God. Whether he hated Melissa.
No—I couldn’t ask. The answers were obvious even without hearing them.
All day today, ever since returning, I had felt guilty for failing to fulfill my duties as a Saintess.
It was as though he were telling me to carve that truth into my heart.
Silence lingered between us for a long while. Knowing my own shortcomings, I once again reflected on myself—on how I had hated only Melissa.
This was the life I had dreamed of. Yet after becoming a Saintess, I had paid no attention to this place.
Without realizing it, I must have thought the position of Saintess was lofty and untouchable.
“Your Highness.”
He slightly turned his face and looked down at me from an angle.
“Thank you.”
His eyes widened in surprise.
For letting me look back at myself. For letting me see what I had failed to see.
Perhaps embarrassed, he scratched his head. I deliberately avoided looking at him and instead watched the knights.
“Ahem. Are you looking for Cardin?”
So they were close enough to call each other by name. I realized their relationship was closer than I had thought.
“No. No, I’m not.”
“Well, maybe not, but Cardin is probably with the vice-captain right now.”
“The vice-captain is here too?”
He nodded as if it were obvious.
“He got injured earlier. So, Cardin might be there.”
I rose from the log at once.
“He was injured?”
At my suddenly quickened tone, he seemed flustered and nodded reflexively.
“I heard the Holy Knight treated the wounded.”
“He’s just like his master.”
Then he hadn’t been treated properly? The difference between holy power and mere first aid was significant.
“Where is he, the vice-captain?”
“Pardon?”
“Which tent?”
“Ah, over there.”
He pointed to a tent.
As I was about to move, Raymon noticed someone and called out to stop me.
“Saintess!”
I turned quickly, and he said, scratching his cheek,
“Cardin isn’t there. He’s over that way.”
I didn’t wait for him to finish and started walking. Passing the knights eating their meals, I hurried toward the vice-captain’s tent.
Cardin, walking toward me with a white towel draped over his head, blinked when he saw me.
“Saintess?”
Even as I faintly heard Cardin’s voice, I stopped in front of the tent Raymon had pointed out.
I knocked on the canvas. Instead of a knock, it made a flapping sound.
“Who is it?”
“This is Shallen Melissa.”
Perhaps he hadn’t expected my voice; a loud clatter came from inside.
I silently counted to ten and then said,
“I’m coming in.”
“W-wait a moment!”
I flung open the tent and stepped inside. The vice-captain, Knox, greeted me with a stiff, disciplined posture, trying to hide his flustered state.
Just as time had been turned back, his face was youthful as well.
He cleared his throat, masking his embarrassment.
“Saintess. Is something the matter?”
It seemed Knox had hurriedly put on his shirt to cover the bandage on his shoulder.
But with an injured shoulder, he couldn’t hide it properly—the buttons were misaligned, fastened one by one incorrectly.
“I heard you were injured. Is that true?”
My gaze was fixed on his right shoulder.
Cardin, who had entered belatedly, stood beside me, looking back and forth between the vice-captain and me.
“Knox. Did you do something disrespectful to the Saintess?”
His low voice was chilling enough that others might have felt a shiver hearing it.
“What? N-no!”
With a deeply wronged expression, Knox protested. I pointed to the bed and said,
“Sit down.”
