Chapter 06
I officially became the Saintess of the Melissa Temple, and I said everything I had wanted to say in this place for as long as I had lived.
Even if I were to receive God’s punishment, even if I were to face the same situation again, I knew very well that my actions would not change.
People would believe what I said.
After all, I had declared that I was conveying the words of the god Gloria herself.
They would never suspect that a saintess could be lying.
This was the first thing I did after returning.
The thing I absolutely had to correct.
If I followed my emotions honestly, I wouldn’t want to do anything else anymore.
But if I didn’t change this, the pain would continue even after me.
Having returned to this time, I couldn’t pretend not to see it.
Now that I had become a saintess, I would soon walk the pilgrimage route, visiting many kingdoms.
If I followed that road, I would eventually visit the Helen Kingdom—where Kardin was.
I only met him after stepping down as a saintess.
And the only banquet we ever attended together after our marriage was the king’s birthday celebration.
So I wouldn’t meet him during my first pilgrimage.
I should have felt relieved.
But the thought that I wouldn’t be able to meet Kardin made me sigh without realizing it.
Feeling disappointed like this—and even feeling disappointed at myself—felt ridiculous.
Am I really regretting it again, even now?
You and I spent more days apart than together as husband and wife.
So why can’t I forget those moments we shared?
I spoke so confidently outside, but once I returned to my room and was alone, my thoughts returned to the beginning again.
Is work just work, and emotions just emotions?
“If you think about it that way… I suppose I’m more calculating than you.”
As I muttered to myself, I turned my head at the sound of knocking.
“Saintess! It’s me!”
“Come in.”
Amy opened the door with a bright smile, and for a moment, she overlapped with the servants of the Ferdian estate in my mind.
“Saintess! You were amazing earlier! When did you practice all that?!”
She chattered on beside me like a lively skylark, and I didn’t interrupt her.
“I was just a little worried because you were crying so much earlier! But I guess I worried for nothing! There were so many important people there that even I was nervous just watching! But you didn’t look shaken at all—!”
I smiled softly.
It had been so long since I had talked like this with someone from my past that my lips lifted naturally.
“Oh! Saintess! There’s something I’m curious about!”
“What is it?”
“What you said earlier—does that really mean that the god Gloria isn’t merciful?”
I looked into her bright, clear eyes and asked her instead,
“How did it sound to you when I said that she is not a god who gives mercy to everyone?”
Blessings to those who deserve them, punishment to those who do not—
How did that rule sound to this child?
Amy frowned slightly, thinking hard, then spoke.
“It’s difficult… but you said the god herself admitted she isn’t fair, right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I think… that might actually be fair.”
At her answer, I smiled and lifted my chin slightly, encouraging her to continue.
“If a god gives mercy to everyone equally, then bad people and good people would receive the same mercy. Isn’t that what’s unfair? That’s why, when you said you would follow Gloria’s will, my heart started pounding!”
“I see. That’s how it sounded to you.”
At my response, Amy panicked and waved her hands.
“Ah—no! I didn’t mean that what Gloria or you said was wrong! It’s just… that’s how it felt to me!”
“Amy.”
“Yes?”
“My question didn’t have a correct answer. I was simply asking what you thought.”
Only then did Amy relax, placing a hand on her chest in relief.
She was very cute.
So I placed my hand on her head and bestowed a blessing.
Amy’s eyes widened in surprise as she looked up at me.
“S-Saintess…”
“I’m glad that the first blessing I give could be to you.”
“Why… why me?”
I gently stroked her hair and smiled.
“Because you are more than worthy of receiving it.”
“Sha—ah, no—Saintess! Thank you! It’s an honor!”
I answered only with a faint smile.
I was grateful to her as well.
For allowing me to use this power for something good, for the very first time.
* * *
After becoming the daughter of an unmerciful god, the very first order I gave was to move the former Saintess’s residence.
Under the title of “God’s daughter,” I rescued her from that hidden, hellish place.
Just as she once rescued me.
How could I ever forget the thin, bony hand that once pushed a small piece of bread through iron bars?
Saving her was shockingly easy.
“I still have much to learn, so I believe I should learn from the former Saintess. Where is she now?”
“As Saintess, you will be assisted by His Holiness and many others.”
“Between someone who experienced it firsthand and someone who merely watched—whose words do you think are more helpful? Or… is she perhaps somewhere I am not allowed to visit?”
With just a few sentences, that hell disappeared.
Whether it truly vanished or was merely hidden, I still didn’t know.
After that, I ate every meal with her—
to ensure that the hell would not continue.
“Saintess Shallen.”
The former saintess wiped her lips gently and smiled at me.
“Yes? Please speak.”
“You already knew, didn’t you?”
My hand paused for a moment, then resumed as I tilted my head.
“What do you mean?”
“That the god Gloria is not merciful.”
I laughed quietly.
“To me, she is not a merciful god. Since you are also God’s daughter, Aria, you must know as well.”
“Of course. Isn’t it amusing? Being a Saintess. We can give blessings to others, yet we ourselves receive none.”
A Saintess’s blessings could heal wounds and cleanse negative emotions.
But those wounds and negativity were taken into the saintess’s own body to be purified.
Those who received blessings always said they felt lighter, that their pain had disappeared.
But I had never received such a blessing.
In that sense, perhaps a saintess was someone who carved away her own flesh to give everything to others.
I smiled faintly.
“Indeed. She is a very unmerciful god.”
“Then what do you think of this place?”
At her question, I looked up at the former saintess’s thin face.
“Are you asking for my personal opinion?”
She nodded slowly.
After gently dabbing my lips with a napkin, I answered,
“This is a place filled with people who have not received Gloria’s mercy.”
“…Is that why you haven’t gone to see His Holiness yet?”
I shrugged lightly, smiling.
The reason I hadn’t visited the Pope was simple.
I didn’t want to use my divine power on him.
Even bedridden, he was no different from Fabian.
He was someone who imprisoned saintesses whose usefulness had ended and starved them to death.
He publicly proposed marriage to me when I stepped down as Saintess—
which was the only reason I survived.
The Holy Nation disliked it.
Until the wedding, the pope’s ugly threats toward me were something I could never forget.
When I remained silent, she smiled.
“Gloria rarely gives answers, doesn’t she?”
I only looked at her quietly.
“But did she answer you, Saintess Shallen?”
I lowered my gaze and smiled.
If that silence was her answer—
“Yes. She answered me.”
“May I ask what she said?”
“She told me to become the daughter of an unmerciful god.”
Our conversation was calm and quiet—
Yet it was something no one else should ever hear.
After dinner with the former Saintess, I walked alone in front of the temple.
It had only been one month since I returned.
Time felt unbearably slow.
Whenever a warm breeze brushed past my collar, memories surfaced.
I had tried to erase them, but now I simply accepted them.
As I stood there steadying my emotions, footsteps approached.
“Saintess!”
“Amy. You’ll get hurt if you run like that.”
I gently patted her as she caught her breath.
“Ha… Saintess. The Temple Head is looking for you.”
