Chapter 01
You died.
Kardin Lord Ferdian, head of the Grand Duke Ferdian family of the Helen Kingdom, has died.
On another cold day just like any other, you once again became a star in the sky.
After everyone who attended the funeral had left, only one person remained.
The wife of the man who became a star.
Shallen Ferdian.
I am alone again.
Before I realized it, the sky had darkened. The wind grew stronger, scattering snow fiercely through the air.
As the biting wind struck my fingertips, the remaining warmth was stolen away, and my fingers froze cold.
With numb hands, I brushed the snow off the coffin, buried under pure white snow.
Even though my hands were frozen, I hoped that you might be spared the cold—if only a little.
You were never someone who felt cold easily.
Still, I hated the thought of you being in such a cold place.
If you could see me now, what would you say?
“You’d probably tell me to stop doing useless things and take care of myself, wouldn’t you?”
Speaking words you would likely say makes it feel as if your voice is whispering in my ear.
I should be used to this by now.
And yet, I’m not.
Even though I have experienced your death and held your funeral three times already.
Standing at the edge of death, you made the same choice for me again this time.
A man burdened by responsibility to a painful degree.
You could have lived a little more selfishly.
We were never close in life—
we barely even had proper conversations.
So why did you make that choice?
“Was it just because I was your wife?”
You foolish man.
Truly a foolish man.
Will we ever escape this painful cycle?
Where did it all go wrong?
Was it the moment I grabbed the hand you reached out to me?
If you suffered because you took in someone abandoned by God—me—
“…How am I supposed to live with this guilt? And how am I supposed to face you again?”
I bit my lip as hard as I could, trying to endure, until my head finally dropped.
The snow piled on my head fell like rain. Snow clouds covered the sky, turning the world completely white.
My white hair—so white it didn’t feel out of place in this world—slid down, hiding my expression.
Taking advantage of that moment, the tears that had pooled in my eyes ran freely down my cheeks, without worrying about anyone watching.
Even now, when this moment comes again, I cry.
Maybe because the tracks of my tears were warm, my frozen face softened slightly—
reminding me that I was still alive.
With frozen hands, I wiped my tears and slowly opened my mouth.
“Kardin… there’s something I want to ask you. Right now… do you resent me?”
Am I afraid?
Afraid that you might resent me?
Even I know how shameless that sounds.
Truly.
“I always say this to you. I’m sorry.”
The moment I apologized to you, the tears that had stopped began to fall again.
There was so much I was sorry for.
I told you I wanted a divorce.
I said I hated you.
I spoke cruel words to the man who saved me.
They weren’t true.
I didn’t hate you.
This place wasn’t hell.
In fact, I liked you.
And this place was the only space where I could breathe.
How could I hate the man who pulled me out of hell?
Those words were spoken to prevent the same tragedy from happening again.
To stop your death.
To leave your side.
And yet—so futilely—I lost you again.
This is the third time.
Once again, I have lost you.
After hurting you so deeply—
How long did I stand there like that?
From behind me, I heard the sound of footsteps crunching through the snow.
“Milady. You’ll catch a cold. Please come inside.”
The man who approached was none other than the Vice Captain of the Ferdian Knights.
How absurd.
His master died because of me—yet he worries about me.
Doesn’t he find me repulsive?
“Milady.”
When I didn’t answer, he called again.
“Yes. I should go inside now.”
“Yes. Please do.”
I turned my head slightly and nodded.
“…Just one last goodbye.”
The man stepped back a few paces, giving me space.
Perhaps it was his way of showing consideration to a woman who had just become a widow.
When I lowered my head again, the snow piled atop the coffin had already melted from the warmth of my hand.
That was a relief.
I lifted my hand from the coffin, straightened my bent legs, and stood up.
It was time to say goodbye.
My gaze fixed on one place alone.
White breath escaped between my slightly parted lips.
And with that, I spoke my final farewell.
“We’ll meet again… see you soon.”
I turned my back and walked down the road thickly covered in snow.
Unable to bear leaving you behind, I stopped again and again.
Taking a deep breath, I pressed my lips together and quickened my steps.
When I entered the mansion, the butler and servants seemed to be waiting for me.
“Milady. Please warm yourself.”
The head maid’s gentle words—and the looks everyone gave me—were warm enough to melt all the cold snow outside.
So warm it made me feel guilty.
“Yes. You all worked hard today. I’ll go rest now.”
After giving them a brief greeting, I went up to my room.
No—
Your room.
I could have gone to my own, but today I didn’t want to.
It felt too cold.
My heart felt too cold.
Every time you died, I slept here—
hoping some of your warmth might still remain.
“Milady, the bath is ready.”
“Thank you.”
Even their careful hands helping me out of my black dress made me feel like crying.
Why are they always so kind to me?
This is already the third time.
Yet they’re always warm.
Outside, the northern land was buried in snow.
Inside, the mansion was warm.
As I slowly dipped my feet into the steaming bath, my body melted.
“Is it really okay for me to feel this?”
The thought slipped out without me realizing.
The hands of the two maids attending me froze for a moment.
“It’s nothing.”
“Milady.”
“Yes, Luna.”
The maid named Luna held my hand tightly and looked at me.
“We’ll always be by your side, Milady.”
I closed my eyes briefly, then nodded.
“You always say that.”
“…Do I?”
“No—never mind.”
Maybe because the warm water relaxed me, my expression softened slightly.
Then suddenly, I hated myself for it.
I slid deeper into the tub until my face was submerged.
“Milady!”
Hearing the small, worried voice from above, I stuck one hand out of the water and waved it weakly.
I could feel their panic.
Because of their concern, I had no choice but to surface again.
The unreal moment ended.
“Milady…”
“It’s just because the water was warm.”
They still didn’t look reassured.
“I want to get out now. I want to rest.”
The maids bit their lips and nodded, helping me up.
As they dried my wet hair at the vanity, their faces appeared in the mirror.
They must be grieving too, having lost their master.
Yet they looked at me with such genuine concern.
It was strange.
I looked away from them and met my own reflection.
Since losing my holy power, my eye color had changed.
Eyes that once shone blue now looked dull and silver-gray.
I’d grown used to it—but seeing them still brought back memories, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Milady?”
“I’m going to sleep. You should all rest too.”
“…Milady, if anything happens, please call us.”
“Yes! Even if nothing happens, call us anyway—we’ll come right away!”
Standing up, I lightly tapped their shoulders and nodded.
“Alright. Go sleep.”
“Then we’ll take our leave. Good night, Milady.”
Click.
Once they left, I was finally alone.
In your room—
hoping your warmth still lingered.
