YAIMF 40 🍒

Chapter — 40
“I’ll Tell You Everything Tonight”

After finishing his shower, Ji-woon looked at his wet face in the mirror. What had happened last night had left deep marks on him, like scars. His eyes were firm as he stared at himself.

I have to tell her the truth today, no matter what.

He should have said it before being swept away by the mood—before indulging in her body like that. But the moment he kissed her, reason disappeared. He didn’t even remember what state of mind he was in when he held her.

Ha… you idiot.

Ji-woon lightly knocked his forehead against the mirror and let out a low sigh. Watching the water drip from his face, he squeezed his eyes shut.

I have to tell her.

He had placed one well-grilled cutlassfish on each side. So why were there two in front of Ji-woon, and all the neatly picked meat piled on Saena’s plate? And why were the two of them carefully avoiding each other’s eyes? Seeing this, Haman-daek smiled to herself.

“Well then, I’ll head over to the main house now.”

“Oh, please don’t. Eat with us,” Saena said politely, even though her heart and body clearly weren’t in sync.

Haman-daek replied with good sense. “I do have tact, you know. I want to eat comfortably.”

At her words, Saena’s pale face flushed red. She looked so fresh and lovely that Haman-daek felt full even without eating breakfast.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be very busy today.”

“If there’s anything I can help with—”

“No, today is the day I visit the Chairman. Saena, you’ll have to look after the house today.”

As if urging her to eat, Haman-daek pulled Saena’s plate closer. Saena, her ears turning bright red as if she’d been caught about last night, glanced nervously at Ji-woon. He, however, was completely focused on picking the remaining fish. Seeing him like that, Haman-daek’s face bloomed into a wide smile. She waved at Saena and left for the annex.

Now it was finally just the two of them. Haman-daek’s presence had softened the awkwardness, but once she was gone, a strange tension flowed again. Saena found herself counting rice grains for no reason, when his words from this morning came back to her.

“I have something to tell you tonight.”

What could it be? She hadn’t seen his face because he had his back to her, but his voice had sounded very serious—almost trembling. She could tell how nervous he was, and because of that, she hadn’t been able to ask what it was.

What could it be?

There were only two kinds of things someone said with that much tension. Something happy—or something terrible. She couldn’t tell which one it would be. Saena slowly lifted her gaze toward Ji-woon. Their eyes met. She didn’t know how long he’d been looking at her, but there was clear tension in his eyes.

Her heart started pounding strangely. It wasn’t excitement. Unable to hold his gaze, she looked away first.

How pathetic.

She couldn’t even tell whether the food was going into her mouth or her nose.

This is uncomfortable.

“It looked that way.”

Suddenly, the voice of a young boy brushed past her mind. The atmosphere behind that voice—resentful, as if asking why she had forgotten—came crashing in, stealing her breath. She barely managed to exhale and reached for her glass of water. Hearing the sound of water being poured, she looked up. Ji-woon was filling the glass, his eyes full of concern.

“Are you okay? You look really pale.”

“It’s nothing. I think… I just remembered something.”

“…You remembered?”

Tension tightened Ji-woon’s voice. Saena didn’t notice. She took a sip of water and continued in a softened voice.

“Yeah. It was a boy’s voice.”

A warm voice, somewhere between a child and an adult, agreeing with her—‘It looked that way’—made her throat tighten. She didn’t know why she felt this way, and it frustrated her. It was such a small thing, yet it felt like a huge comfort.

“Why are you crying?”

Only when Ji-woon’s hand brushed her face to wipe away the tears did she realize she was crying.

“Ah… what’s wrong with me?”

She panicked. This had never happened before. She tried to wipe her tears roughly, but once they started, they wouldn’t stop. It felt like all the fear she had been suppressing until now was pouring out at once. She covered her face with both fists, but it was useless. Ji-woon quietly pulled her into his arms. Saena buried her face in his solid stomach and sobbed.

She didn’t know why she was crying, why the tears wouldn’t stop, why her heart hurt as if it were being torn apart. She didn’t know what this painful feeling was or where it came from.

“I told you, I’m fine.”

After crying it all out, she finally calmed down. Soon after, embarrassment crept in. She was already mortified, but Ji-woon kept turning back, saying he couldn’t leave her. She pushed him away, insisting, though deep down she wanted him to stay.

“Are you really okay?”

“Geez, I’m not a kid. I’m fine. And Auntie isn’t here today, so someone has to stay.”

At her words, Ji-woon found himself resenting this big, empty house. The thought of Saena being alone here bothered him deeply.

“Hey.”

“…Yeah?”

“No, it’s nothing. I’m really going now.”

“Just go already. How many times is this now?”

She spoke lightly, trying to hurry him along. Ji-woon wasn’t someone who wouldn’t understand her feelings. He swallowed the words he had almost said earlier and nodded heavily.

He planned to tell her everything tonight. How she accepted it would be up to her. Even if she slapped him, cursed him, or called the police—he was ready to face it.

But if, by any chance… if I have even a small chance.

He planned to prepare a house where the two of them could live together. Not a huge, empty place like this, not a house that left her alone with nothing of her own.

A house decorated to her taste. A house filled with her things. A house she wanted—where they could live together.

But will I ever get that chance?

If there were a god, he wanted to beg just once for an opportunity. Maybe his gaze looked strange, because Saena’s expression grew serious for a moment. Then she pushed him again and complained lightly.

“I told you not to worry. I’m not a kid.”

“And don’t open the door for just anyone.”

“Seriously?”

“And if you’re bored, call me anytime. I’ll always answer your call.”

“No matter what?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. No matter what.”

Ji-woon answered firmly. Even without his words, the answer was clear in his eyes. Still, she asked again because of a nameless anxiety.

“Okay. I won’t open the door for anyone, and I’ll call if I’m bored. Now go.”

As she stepped back as if she really meant it, Ji-woon pulled her by the waist and hugged her. Feeling her small body fit perfectly in his arms, he clenched his lips.

It was the body he had desired again and again last night. Afraid it might disappear if he slept, he hadn’t slept a wink, staying by her side. Watching her peaceful sleeping face, he realized just how great a sin he had committed. Just imagining that innocent face twisting in betrayal made his heart feel like it was falling to the ground. Ji-woon buried his face in the back of her neck.

I’m sorry. No—this was my fault. But… could you give me just one chance?

He repeated the words he couldn’t say out loud. Then Saena hugged his broad back tightly and spoke softly, as if soothing him.

“What if you end up late?”

“I’m the boss. It’s fine.”

“Tch, what kind of answer is that?”

“You’re more important to me right now.”

At those words, Saena’s hand, which had been stroking his back, stopped. She gently pushed him away, held his face in both hands, and made him look at her. His dark, bead-like eyes were shimmering with tears.

“But why are you like this?”

“Like what?”

“You look like you’re about to cry.”

“Men don’t cry.”

“What are you talking about? If I poke you right now, you’ll cry.”

“…If I cry, what will you do?”

“I’ll comfort you.”

“No matter what happens?”

“Yeah.”

She answered without hesitation. At that single reply, Ji-woon felt shamelessly forgiven. But he immediately shook his head, scolding himself for such arrogance.

“I won’t cry.”

“You can cry.”

“Later. If I really cry later, you have to comfort me.”

“Yeah.”

As if securing a promise, Ji-woon brought Saena’s hand to his lips and kissed it. Then she leaned into his arms once more.

“Go and come back quickly. I think it’d be better for you to be here than just calling.”

“Yeah. I will. I’ll be back soon.”