YAIMF 38 🍒

Chapter — 38

Not Yet

A light vibration buzzed near her pillow.
Bzzz—bzzz.
Saena groggily opened her eyes and checked her phone. An unfamiliar number was on the screen. It started with a local area code, which felt suspicious, so she didn’t answer. But the phone rang again right after, and that made her uneasy.

She hesitated, wondering if it might be connected to her forgotten past. The thought made her hand freeze. Then the call stopped.

How long did I sleep?
She brushed her hair back and looked toward the window. The headlights that had intruded on the vineyard earlier were gone, and the night outside was quiet.

Did he come back?

Her throat felt dry, so she stepped out of her room to get some water. But the annex was silent—no sign of anyone. A sudden chill ran through her, and she softly called his name.

“Han Jiwoon, are you back?”

Only her voice echoed back. Why was the house so big at times like this? Realizing she was alone made it clear—he still hadn’t come in. What on earth was he thinking, staying out this late?

She checked the time. It was already well past midnight.

“What are you doing…”

An annoyed mutter slipped out as she grew sensitive for no reason. Goosebumps rose along her arms, and she hugged herself, rubbing them. With her phone in hand, she stepped outside. Unlike her tangled thoughts, the garden was perfectly calm. Crickets chirped now and then, and flowers swayed gently in the breeze, mixed with the sounds of insects.

For a moment, she wondered if this place was a dream. A long, cruel dream—one she might wake from to find her real self waiting. That kind of feeling.

…A dream.

If she woke from this dream, what would be waiting for her? Right now, it felt like something terrifying lay ahead.

If that’s the case… I don’t want to wake up.

But at the same time, she felt unbearably anxious, as if time were running out. Saena lightly stepped down the stone stairs toward the garage. She pushed the door open and went inside.

Just as she expected, his car was parked there.

The moment she saw it, her held-back irritation flared up. Wasn’t thinking in the vineyard enough—did he really have so much on his mind that he couldn’t even come inside? And for some reason, she felt like she was the reason for those thoughts.

She walked to the driver’s seat and saw Jiwoon slumped forward, his head resting on the steering wheel.

Did something happen?

Without realizing it, she reached out toward the round back of his head, which looked deeply troubled. She knocked on the window.

Jiwoon jolted as if he’d seen a ghost, his expression completely stunned. Seeing that, she felt foolish for worrying so much.

“Get out,” she said.

What was he doing here? When she urged him, he glanced around nervously and awkwardly got out of the car. A sudden thought crossed her mind—Did he drink? She stepped closer and sniffed him.

“W-What are you doing?” he stammered.

She barely reached his shoulder, but as she sniffed, Jiwoon couldn’t push her away and instead backed up. He ended up pinned by the cold car behind him. When she looked up at him, Jiwoon swallowed hard, his throat dry. She was driving him crazy just staring without saying anything.

“What? What is it?” she asked.

“No—uh… you don’t smell like alcohol.”

“…W-What do you take me for?”

“Then why were you sitting in the car all this time?”

“Well… I had some things to think about.”

“What kind of things?”

“Just… things like that.”

How could he possibly say, I was going to use you, but I ended up falling in love with you?
Jiwoon tried to brush it off, but it didn’t work. Saena narrowed her eyes, clearly unconvinced, and pressed him.

“N-No, I mean… I had stuff to think about too.”

“So what kind of stuff? You didn’t… did you—”

“…Huh?”

His heart started pounding wildly. Did she find out?

“You didn’t cause some kind of trouble, did you?”

“What? What trouble would I cause?”

“Those people who were looking for you yesterday. Is it because of that?”

Of course she wouldn’t notice—but why did that make him feel oddly hurt? Jiwoon had never felt this lost about where his heart was headed, and the confusion left him shaken.

“No. Not that. And there won’t be things like that anymore.”

There couldn’t be. He couldn’t let her get dragged into anything dangerous. His firm answer seemed to satisfy her a little, and Saena pouted.

“Then what is it? Something you can’t tell me?”

“Well… for now, yeah.”

“There shouldn’t be things like that between us.”

He wanted to say they weren’t even anything. If only he could turn everything back. But the moment he said it, she would surely disappear with disgust in her eyes. He couldn’t bear to lose her from his sight. So he had no choice but to be selfish.

“I’ll tell you later. Everything.”

“What? Now I’m even more curious.”

“It’s really nothing. Just my own issue.”

He wished—just a little—that she would think of him as someone she loved. Saena seemed to have more she wanted to ask, but she closed her mouth, deciding not to push further. Seeing her red lips made his chest ache.

Losing her memories alone must be frightening enough. And yet the person closest to her was trampling her life with lies. Jiwoon felt a heavy cross press painfully into his heart.

“…Are you okay?”

She noticed right away that his complexion looked bad and gazed at him with concern. She had no idea how selfish and vile he looked in her eyes. Jiwoon nodded with effort.

“Even if you had things to think about, you should’ve done it inside. Why sit out here in the cold? Let’s go in.”

Naturally, she slipped into his arms and supported him. He clenched his teeth, hating how pathetic it felt to lean on her small, fragile body.

“Does it hurt a lot? Should I get some medicine from the main house?”

“No. I’ll be fine if I just sleep.”

“Still… you look really unwell.”

Maybe it was because he felt different from usual. Saena’s earlier sharpness melted away. His face looked so thin it was worrying—what had happened to make him like this? As if sensing her thoughts, Jiwoon smiled faintly.

“It’s really nothing.”

Had he always been this weak? The man at the start of her memories wasn’t like this. He could be arrogant at times, but he was always confident. Now he looked like someone trapped, unsure of what to do.

What if he’s part of the past I can’t remember?

There could be so much more of him beyond the memories she hadn’t regained yet. And still, her heart felt uneasy. At the root of that anxiety was one thing—not knowing anything at all. She breathed in his now-familiar scent, but the unease wouldn’t fade.

She looked up at him again. The darkness hid his face, but one thing was clear—his eyes were trembling.

What is it?

He said it was his own problem, but she could tell that wasn’t true. She wanted to ask so badly. But she was afraid—afraid that this quiet, distant, fairy-tale-like dream would shatter if she did.

“But why weren’t you sleeping?” he asked.

“…Huh?”

“I saw your light turn off earlier.”

Had he been watching the whole time? Strangely, that thought comforted her. Then she remembered the call she’d gotten earlier.

“I got a phone call. From an unknown number.”

“A mobile number?”

“No, it was a regular landline area code.”

“Probably spam.”

“Yeah. It rang twice in a row—that’s what woke me up.”

“That spam caller was rude. Waking someone up like that.”

“Tch. Easy for you to say. If I hadn’t woken up, you’d still be out here all night, wouldn’t you?”

Honestly, it seemed like he might have. When she scolded him, Jiwoon just smiled instead of replying. That smile was so sad that the relief she’d felt began to crack.

“Were you really going to?”

“No. I was going to go in after a bit. And… I think I’ll be busy starting tomorrow.”

“What about me going to work?”

“Don’t go for a while.”

“Why?”

“It’s still dangerous.”

So he was worried about her. His gentle tone, meant for her sake after what happened yesterday, comforted her, and she nodded. And somehow, even that simple gesture of hers looked beautiful to him.

Under the moonlight, Jiwoon gently lifted Saena’s chin and made her look at him. The moment her dark, round eyes met his, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. As she softly closed her eyes, Jiwoon bit his lower lip and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.