Chapter 36
After puberty, group trips with friends were never that fun anymore.
Going to the beach didn’t really mean going to enjoy the water.
People went to drink all night with friends of the opposite sex, feel that strange tension in the air, and—if lucky—have something happen with someone.
There was nothing wrong with that.
Noeul just never knew where she fit into all of it.
So she had skipped a few trips before.
But whether a trip went well or went terribly, it always became a story everyone would talk about afterward.
If you skipped it, you had to sit there later smiling awkwardly while everyone else laughed about the memories.
That feeling—being slightly outside the center of the group—was worse than a few moments of embarrassment.
After that, Noeul stopped skipping trips.
After a few rounds of trial and error, Noeul decided to play the role of someone who genuinely enjoyed these trips.
She acted like she didn’t know what anyone else’s real reasons were for going.
She played harder than anyone, day and night, drank until she passed out, and if she couldn’t get drunk, she pretended she was.
When they got back, photos of Noeul—her face doodled on or taken from a terrible angle—would be shared everywhere.
Noeul laughed along with everyone at those pictures.
They were only embarrassing at first; once everyone’s seen your ugly side, it stops being shameful.
In fact, she even thought it was better that way.
Now everyone would just see her as someone to laugh at.
It killed even the tiniest 0.01% seed of hope that someone might ever see her as attractive.
And once that hope was gone, it was easier to exist in the group.
“Noeul!”
A few people who had gathered early at the bus terminal waved at her.
Jiu and Hansol were there too.
When you come to a new place, things that used to blend into the background stand out more clearly—like how pretty Jiu was, and how plain Noeul was.
Jiu was wearing a mini dress.
The way it curved in at her waist and flared out again over her hips made her beautiful figure stand out even more.
Hyunsu saw Noeul and said,
“Wow, looks like someone who lives around here.”
“Yes, yes, I woke up five minutes ago.”
Noeul was in a black T-shirt, black shorts, and slippers.
She always dressed either extremely casually or ridiculously funny for these trips.
She didn’t want to look like an ugly person who’d tried too hard to dress up just because they were excited about a trip, so she leaned into looking like someone who didn’t care at all about fashion.
“I’m not late, right?”
Junki arrived last.
He was wearing a white T-shirt and gray sweatpants—simple, but that only made his handsome face stand out more.
Looking at Hyunsu, who’d dressed up a bit, Junki said,
“What, am I the only one who came dressed like a slob?”
He knew he still looked the best anyway.
Hyunsu replied,
“Noeul’s even more of a slob.”
“Ah, as expected, Han Noeul. Never disappoints.”
Junki slung an arm around Noeul’s shoulder.
“Hey, cut it out. I bought this shirt new, okay? What do you mean, sloppy? Don’t rub your sweat on me.”
“Oh~ a new shirt.”
They joked like that as they got on the bus.
Hansol sat beside Noeul and said,
“So, what do you think of my trip look? I went all out.”
Hansol was wearing a strappy tank top and shorts, her long, slim arms and legs looking even more delicate.
Noeul said,
“I think you definitely went all out.”
“Wow.”
Hansol snorted.
“Way to drown sincerity in a bowl of rice.”
“You didn’t compliment my new shirt either.”
“Don’t make me laugh. It’s not new—you wear that all the time.”
“…How did you know?”
“Because I care about you that much. You, on the other hand, have zero soul. Not good.”
Then Hansol whispered,
“You only ever notice how pretty Jiu is.”
Noeul quickly looked around to see if anyone else had heard.
Thankfully, it didn’t seem like it.
She felt a bit flustered.
Hansol wasn’t the kind to make that kind of risky joke, which made it even weirder.
Hansol didn’t even try to laugh it off—she just crossed her arms and stared straight ahead.
Noeul started to feel annoyed.
She held it back and tried to make it a joke.
“Hey, isn’t that a bit much for a joke?”
“I’m not joking.”
Hansol sounded genuinely sulky.
‘Wait… am I supposed to comfort her now?’
Noeul had a rough idea why Hansol was acting like this.
Whenever someone compared Hansol’s looks to Jiu’s, or talked about who was prettier, Hansol would grumble—
like, why didn’t Noeul ever call her pretty?
It had seemed cute before, so Noeul just went along with it.
But lately, the teasing had become sharper.
Both Jiu and Hansol only got prickly about it with Noeul—never with anyone else.
They couldn’t say what they really wanted to the people whose opinions mattered to them, so they picked on Noeul instead—because she was easy.
Noeul was their friend, sure, but it still felt like they used her to prop up their own self-esteem.
She was getting irritated.
It wasn’t like they were paying her to compliment them.
So she decided to play along differently this time.
Noeul said, dramatically,
“Oh, I have committed a terrible sin! How could I fail to recognize your radiant beauty! My unworthy lips spoke without sincerity. I am deeply ashamed.”
“…You looking to die?”
“Who in their right mind wants to die? Smile, please—if wrinkles form on that peach-like face of yours, it would be such a loss to humanity.”
“Stop it.”
Hansol tried to cover Noeul’s mouth.
Dodging, Noeul said,
“Oh my, why would you touch my filthy mouth with those beautiful hands of yours? You’ll ruin that cool winter-tone complexion and end up with my copper mine skin tone.”
“Shut up. Shut up! Are you crazy?”
Hansol hit Noeul on the shoulder, glancing around to see if others were watching.
Some of the nearby kids giggled.
But Noeul kept going,
“How can you even be so beautiful when you’re angry? Still, don’t hit me—your delicate hands might get hurt. Someone as ugly and lowly as me doesn’t matter, but still, you know?”
“Ugh, seriously.”
“Ow! Ow!”
Hansol pinched her hard, and only then did Noeul stop the sarcasm.
“‘Copper mine skin tone,’ oh my god. Han Noeul really deserves a beating,”
Junki, sitting in front of them, said between laughs.
Jiu, beside him, forced a small laugh.
“Yeah… right.”
She understood that Noeul was teasing Hansol and being sarcastic.
So she could’ve just laughed like everyone else—but something about it stuck in her head.
Peach-juice face? Cool winter tone? Delicate hands?
How could someone come up with lines like that on the spot—unless they’d thought it before?
Did that mean Noeul liked Hansol’s type?
Cool-toned, elegant, ice-queen types with delicate features—like a swan from Swan Lake?
It made sense. Everyone had their own type.
And Jiu had already suspected Noeul might have feelings for Hansol.
You like someone because they look beautiful to you, and they look beautiful because you like them—that was natural.
So she shouldn’t feel bad about it.
Just because Noeul’s type was Hansol didn’t mean Jiu wasn’t pretty.
…But still.
Why did it bother her so much?
Why Hansol?
Honestly—wasn’t Jiu better in some ways?
It almost felt unfair that Noeul liked Hansol’s kind of beauty.
If she’d liked Jiu’s type instead, wouldn’t she think Jiu was prettier?
Now she was only seeing 70% of Jiu’s beauty.
Maybe if Jiu gave off Hansol’s kind of vibe, she’d look even prettier in Noeul’s eyes.
Wait—so if Noeul liked girls like Hansol… did that mean Jiu didn’t look pretty to her at all?
That thought hit Jiu harder than she expected.
Cautiously, she said,
“Hey…”
Junki looked at her.
Jiu asked,
“You know how everyone has their own preference for looks?”
“…Yeah?”
“So if someone’s not your type, do they just seem… kind of average to you?”
“Hmm… I mean, there are faces that anyone would agree are good-looking, right?”
“Right…?”
Jiu felt a bit relieved.
“Why do you ask?”
“No reason. I was just curious.”
Yeah. She was one of those people everyone thought was pretty.
Preferences were just preferences—nothing to do about them.
There was no point stressing over something she couldn’t change.
From now on, she decided, she’d stop caring.
She’d act cool.
That was the truly attractive way to be.
“Want me to open it?”
Noeul asked when she saw Jiu struggling with the jar.
Jiu smiled and said,
“No, I got it.”
Noeul nodded and went to grab some drinks from the fridge.
Jiu kept twisting at the lid for a while longer.
She told herself to stay calm.
Don’t get mad. Don’t snap. Don’t lose your temper. You’ll regret it later. You’re better than that.
But the heat that couldn’t escape just kept building inside.
She couldn’t cool down.
Couldn’t he just open it for her? He saw her struggling!
He only asked once, then walked off.
If it were Hansol, he would’ve opened it right away.
So unfair. So annoying. Fine, just wait. Let’s see if I ever help you again. I’ll be nice to everyone else instead.
Hyunsu, setting up the table, said,
“You’re still doing that? Give it here, I’ll open it.”
“I said I got it!”
Startled by her sharp tone, Hyunsu quietly backed off.
Jiu sat down with the jar clutched in her arms, determined to win.
But after a while, she realized how ridiculous she looked.
Everything just felt off.
She’d come on this trip to relax, but all she’d done was stress herself out.
And what pissed her off most was that it was all because of her own childishness—this desperate need to be seen as pretty, to be liked.
Why did she need to be seen as beautiful so badly?
Why did she need to be liked?
If she could just let go of that, life would be so much easier.
She’d never realized before how much she depended on other people’s approval—probably because she’d always gotten enough of it.
In the end, she couldn’t open the jar and just joined the drinking game.
At that point, she didn’t want to think about anything anymore—image, attention, being liked—whatever.
She just wanted to drink.
She downed her beer like an angry bull.
After some time, when everyone was tipsy, they started a drinking game.
Hyemi said,
“Hey, let’s play the image game!”
Hyunsu said,
“Which one? The ‘fold your fingers’ thing?”
“No, no, that takes too long. Let’s do: ‘The person who’s most ___, drink!’ The one who gets the most votes drinks.”
“Nice. And no whining like, ‘Why me~.’”
“Yeah, quick rounds only—vote, drink, move on.”
Despite that rule, every “winner” complained anyway.
“What do you mean I’m the dirtiest one? Screw you.”
When Hyunsu refused to drink, Noeul said,
“Who was it again that said no whining?”
“This is so unfair! That guy’s way dirtier!”
“Hyunsu, come on—you’re dirty in personality and in grades. You’re dirty all around.”
Reluctantly, Hyunsu drank and said,
“My turn.”
With a mischievous look, he said,
“Okay. Who’s the prettiest one here? One, two, three!”
Everyone pointed at someone.
Hyunsu counted the votes.
“Hansol, one, two, three votes.
Jiu, one, two, three, four!
Oh, Jiu, drink!”
People laughed.
“Ah, come on, you gotta drink for that!”
“I’d love to drink for that reason.”
Jiu almost smiled too.
Of course, she thought. As expected.
For a moment, her earlier irritation nearly faded.
But her smile froze when she noticed something.
“…”
Noeul’s finger was pointing at Hansol.
