Chapter 129
“Allen… please, just listen to me. I’m begging you.”
“No. I won’t listen. You’ve had plenty of chances to talk to me already, Kim Sohee.”
“Allen!”
I tried to run after him to stop him from disappearing, but all I could touch was the cold air. I collapsed onto the spot where Allen had been standing and cried my heart out. It felt as if something crucial had been ripped away, leaving my chest hollow.
Sob!
It felt like my heart was being torn apart. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even figure out where things had gone wrong.
Perhaps Allen’s recent state had been a warning sign I had missed. While I was preoccupied with matters concerning the Empress, Allen had made contact with Guiness and, before I even knew it, had already learned the secrets of this world from Guiness.
It seemed everything was unfolding exactly as Guiness wanted. I had thought I was handling things well, but now I was confused, unsure of where I had missed something.
Allen’s final expression was burned into my mind, leaving my thoughts blank as if my brain had been wiped clean.
That day, the capital had received a heavy snowfall. It was a terrible blizzard, and I had been found alone in the forest and taken to the castle later than expected.
Even as my body shook from the prolonged exposure to snow, the cold didn’t overpower me. Instead, Allen’s face was etched into my mind so vividly that I hardly noticed the chill.
Bibi, looking worried, brought me some warm tea, but I just buried myself under the blankets, shivering.
Just as one comes to appreciate spring only after experiencing a harsh winter, I only realized my foolishness after losing Allen.
I spent three consecutive days bedridden with a severe cold. The high fever, nearly 40 degrees Celsius, and chills left me unable to move a single step. Bibi stayed up all night with a worried expression, and the Shaligan couple, along with Gale, visited frequently to check on me.
Even Ian, Sharon, and Khan had come out of concern for me, yet Allen never came. Guiness didn’t come either.
Gale asked several times why Allen hadn’t come, but I couldn’t tell the truth and only gave vague answers. This was the second time I had fallen ill since coming to this world. The difference from the previous time was that Allen wasn’t by my side.
It was unlucky to catch a cold and not be able to go to Allen. No, in truth, I used the cold as an excuse not to go. Even knowing my frail body couldn’t withstand being out in the snow, I had simply collapsed there.
I hated myself and wished I could just die on the spot. I was afraid, terrified even, to see Allen. His final face—pushing me away and disappearing—tormented me.
“Why did you go to that forest? It must be even colder there at night,” Bibi said, offering me warm tea. I just held the cup she gave me and blew gently on it. Ripples spread across the surface of the tea. Outwardly calm, my heart was actually pounding far more violently.
“Has Allen come?”
“Not today either,” she replied.
“I see.”
“…Did you have a fight?”
Bibi asked cautiously. I just looked at her and forced a weak smile, signaling her not to ask further. Understanding my intention, she didn’t press the matter.
Outside the window, the unexpected blizzard had blanketed the world in white. The city, usually shining in vibrant colors, lay hidden beneath the snow, while eerie winds whistled through the cracks in the windows.
That day, Sasha had gone to Allen and didn’t return to Shaligan Castle. I idly fiddled with the ring on my hand.
As I gradually recovered, I prepared to go to Romanite Castle. Bibi insisted I still needed rest, but I couldn’t afford to delay.
Before spring arrived, I had to apologize to Allen. The closer the moment of separation approached, the more impatient I became. Misunderstandings only deepen with delay.
Even while sick, I thought about what I should have done. I had only tried to explain myself when Allen had caught me off guard.
But what I should have done then wasn’t to offer excuses—it was to apologize. I had been too flustered and shocked, trying only to persuade Allen from my perspective.
‘I should have just said I was sorry, admitted I was wrong.’
I agonized over the words I had already spilled. Upon arriving at Romanite Castle, the butler greeted me with a surprised expression.
“Without prior notice, may I ask what brings you here?”
“I came to see Allen.”
I came unannounced, fearing that if I informed him in advance, Allen wouldn’t meet me. The butler showed concern when I said I had come for Allen.
“Lord Sohee is not currently in the castle.”
“I know it’s a holiday. Please let me see him. I must see him.”
“Well… it’s just that—”
Seeing me insistently try to enter, the butler wore a troubled expression. At that moment, someone approached me.
“Marchioness?”
“Let’s have a word,” Liam said.
Compared to the last time I saw him, when he appeared neat and composed, Liam now looked haggard. I followed him to the guest room.
Upon arrival, the butler served tea. I apologized for my rudeness as I spoke to Liam.
“I’m sorry for coming without notice. I feared that if I informed him, Allen wouldn’t see me.”
“I see. But what can we do? As the butler said, Allen isn’t here. He’s been away from the castle for some time now.”
“He’s gone out of the castle?”
“…You didn’t know?”
Liam looked at me in surprise. Seeing his expression, I recalled fleeting signals from Allen. No, it wasn’t that I didn’t know—it was that I had taken them lightly. I had assumed Allen’s signals weren’t serious.
Clearly, Allen had been struggling, yet I dismissed it, thinking only that he was busy.
‘So something must have happened at Romanite Castle. That’s why he said I was just like the Marchioness.’
I concluded that Liam must have been involved in why Allen disappeared. Frustrated, I sighed deeply in front of him, knowing it was impolite.
I regretted my foolish actions. I didn’t know where to even begin to fix things. Panic filled me at the thought of never seeing Allen again. Liam spoke.
“Still, he seems to continue his duties. If you visit the knights, you should be able to meet him.”
“Thank you. Marchioness, may I ask why Allen left the castle?”
“You didn’t hear it from Allen, I take it. It’s a family matter, difficult to explain.”
Liam declined, showing reluctance. But I had a strong feeling I needed to know and asked again.
“Does it have something to do with Allen’s mother?”
“Did Allen mention his mother?”
Liam visibly tensed. It seemed he was gauging how much I knew. I carefully recounted the story I had heard from Allen at the cabin.
I relayed what I knew in a way that wouldn’t upset Liam. Liam listened silently but stiffened when I mentioned that Allen believed he was born because his father’s wife had an affair, and that his stepfather had beaten his mother.
“I see. That child believes that, does he? It’s my fault. I thought not explaining it would be better for him.”
“Not explaining? Do you mean Allen has misunderstood something?”
“Yes. If Allen told the Marchioness, I suppose there’s no longer a reason for me to hide it.”
Liam sipped his tea, hesitated, then spoke quietly.
“The truth is, Allen is not my son. He’s my brother’s son.”
“!!!”
“This story will be long.”
Liam cleared his throat repeatedly, clearly finding it difficult to speak. Listening to him, I felt my chest tighten, thinking about the pain Allen must have endured.
Allen must have misunderstood everything. Believing the Marchioness to be his father, learning that his mother had been his father’s sister-in-law only made him more ashamed of his origins.
And on top of that, learning my secret, Allen’s heart must have been in flames.
‘And I even tried to explain myself to him.’
My chest ached as if it were breaking. I didn’t think Liam had revealed everything, but I could understand Allen’s situation clearly enough.
Allen’s mother hadn’t committed adultery; the problem was simply that he happened to resemble his uncle, not his father.
Though Allen’s mother had been engaged to the Marchioness, they never married. After fleeing, they never met again.
In truth, there was no past for Allen to be ashamed of. Yet he had always labeled himself with the stigma of illegitimacy and affair. Then Liam said something I couldn’t understand.
“Allen saw the painting I thought I had disposed of. Because of that, he seems to think I took my brother’s wife and had him. I never imagined he would misunderstand it that way.”
