Chapter 22: “I Am Already Happy Enough”
How much time had passed?
Suddenly, Kassel asked,
“Are you happy, my lady?”
“Happy?”
“Yes.”
It was a somewhat abrupt question, but Riena, unable to bear the silence, pondered seriously.
“Hmm… I’m not sure.”
She carefully chose her words.
“To be honest, I don’t really know if I’m happy. As you know, so much has happened in the past two months.”
Riena’s expression, which had been forcing a smile, dimmed.
“I was able to endure my father’s death, even though I thought I’d die from the pain at the time. I managed to get through that, and here I am, still alive.”
What was harder to endure than that was the betrayal by the family she had trusted.
“But my mother… I knew she didn’t love me, but I never thought she’d sell me off like that.”
Her stepmother had never shown her much affection.
There were times when Riena resented her, but as she grew older, she came to understand her.
After all, her stepmother hadn’t married her father for love.
The same was true for her father. He had loved his late wife—Riena’s birth mother—more than his own life, and he never forgot her.
Their marriage had only been for mutual benefit.
Count Dyke needed a mistress to manage the household and take care of Riena, and the Countess needed a place to stay with her daughter.
To the Countess, Riena must have been nothing but a thorn in the side.
Bianca couldn’t inherit the Dyke family name and had to live cautiously, while Riena grew up receiving the love of the entire household. She probably didn’t like that.
Still, after living together for over ten years, Riena had dared to think they had formed some sense of family.
Even if she didn’t see Riena as a daughter, she believed they at least shared a minimal bond as people living together.
But then, as soon as her father died, her stepmother tried to sell her off like that.
To make matters worse, she might have even been involved in her father’s death.
“Until just a few days ago, I thought I was the most miserable person in the world. It was the first time I thought of myself as so weak and useless.”
“……”
“So, if you ask me whether I’m happy now… I’m not sure. I’m still confused. But if I had to choose between being happy or unhappy, I think I’d say I’m happy. I can see the path ahead of me, and I’ve reunited with an old friend.”
Looking at Kassel’s jet-black hair, as dark as the night sky, Riena impulsively asked,
“What about you, Duke?”
“……”
“Are you happy?”
“I…”
Kassel swallowed dryly and answered,
“I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”
“That’s a relief.”
Riena chuckled softly.
“I was worried I might be a burden to you. This marriage benefits me more than you, after all. You really didn’t need to honor that childhood promise or my father’s request…”
Kassel, watching Riena’s faint smile, interlocked his fingers with hers. Then he gently kissed the back of her hand.
It lingered longer than a polite greeting, yet it was too light to be called a romantic gesture. Still, a warm emotion shimmered in the blue eyes that looked at her.
It was a completely different look from the one in her dreams—the man who stared at her with eyes full of despair.
It was probably nothing more than a courteous gesture, yet Riena’s heart began to beat just a little faster.
“I already…”
Kassel murmured, pressing her palm against his cheek.
“…am happy enough.”
What exactly made him so happy?
Was it reuniting with an old friend? Fulfilling the will of a respected mentor? Or… was it simply being with her?
She wanted to ask—did this marriage hold no feelings for him? Did he have special emotions for her?
But she didn’t ask.
Riena simply looked at Kassel as he closed his eyes and quietly savored her warmth.
Kassel personally escorted Riena to her room.
As soon as they returned to the mansion, Riena returned the shoes she had borrowed and put on her indoor slippers.
She also tried to return his coat, but he adamantly refused.
It wasn’t until they reached her room door that Riena took off the coat.
“We’re here now, so I’ll return your coat. Thanks to you, I stayed warm all the way here. Thank you.”
Fortunately, Kassel didn’t refuse this time.
“We met rather unexpectedly, but today’s conversation was fun. It felt like I went back to my childhood.”
“I felt the same.”
“It’d be nice to talk about old times like this more often. Oh, and let’s talk with Raul sometime too. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. I think he’s still in the Berna estate, but he’ll be returning to the capital soon.”
“Raul Berna… you say.”
At that moment, Riena sensed that Kassel’s mood had shifted slightly.
“Is he someone you’d rather not meet? But the three of us used to play together often, didn’t we?”
Raul, sociable and kind, had easily gotten along with Kassel as a child.
“It’s not that. If Lord Berna returns, I’ll think about it.”
“Ah… okay, I understand.”
It wasn’t exactly a warm response.
Did they fight at some point without me knowing?
As Riena speculated to herself, Kassel once again kissed the back of her hand in parting.
“You may have trouble sleeping in a new place, but please rest well. If anything happens, call for Amy anytime. And if you’re uncomfortable calling the servants… you may call for me.”
“For… you?”
“Yes. I tend to go to bed late, so if you call, I’ll likely be awake and able to come.”
“You really are considerate.”
Still, Riena didn’t think she’d ever call him. When they were little, they used to sleep in the same bed, but now, they were no longer children.
“Well then, have a good night, Duke.”
Once inside, Riena didn’t call for Amy. Instead, she changed into her nightgown herself and lay in bed.
She perked up her ears just in case… but she couldn’t hear Kassel outside the room.
Still, no matter how I think about it, he feels different from before. What could have happened?
Lying in bed, Riena recalled her childhood memories. Perhaps because she had thought of Kassel just before sleeping…
She dreamed again—of the time ten years ago when they lived together.
Ten years ago, Count Dyke had returned from a two-week trip claiming to visit a friend—with a child in tow.
“Riena, say hello. This is Kassel, the son of a friend. He’ll be staying with us for a while.”
The boy named Kassel was dressed entirely in black from head to toe. Black hair, black clothes.
His deep blue eyes were the only touch of color he had.
When Riena stared at Kassel’s clothes curiously, Count Dyke answered her unspoken question.
“His mother passed away recently.”
Riena knew well what the word “passed away” meant.
Her nanny had used that word when speaking of her own mother.
Death.
So his mother had died recently.
Just like mine.
In truth, Riena didn’t fully understand what “death” was.
Her mother had died before Riena was even one year old, so she had no memory, and thus no sense of loss.
But just the fact that they had both lost their mothers made her feel a kinship with him.
Count Dyke left Kassel in a maid’s care briefly and spoke privately with Riena.
“Kassel must be very sad. Can you take good care of him?”
“Yes! But Papa, what kind of boy is Kassel?”
“Hmm… let me see.”
Count Dyke paused to choose his words carefully.
“He’s a child who gets lonely very easily. I hope you can be a good friend to him.”
“Gets lonely?”
“Yes. He has a brother ten years older. Hmm, how do I explain…”
He chose his words gently for the young Riena.
“His brother is an exceptional knight. Kassel admires him but was probably afraid of being compared. And in reality, he often was. So he built walls around himself.”
“Compared?”
“Yes. Don’t you sometimes feel jealous of Bianca too?”
“Hmm…”
At the time, Riena was only ten. “Jealousy” was a difficult emotion to understand for a child her age.
But after thinking for a bit, she felt she could grasp what Kassel might have felt.
She couldn’t call it jealousy, but Riena had sometimes felt envy toward Bianca.
When Bianca ran up to the Countess and called her “Mama!” without hesitation.
When the Countess’s normally cold and rigid face would soften like spring sunshine for Bianca.
When Bianca would bury her face in the Countess’s arms and laugh freely without worry.
Riena had envied her for receiving the mother’s love she herself had never known.
Maybe Kassel had felt the same.
Maybe his parents smiled warmly at his older brother but never at him.
She felt another wave of kinship with him.
What did you do, Raul? I really want to know