Chapter 48
Tainted Memories
The more Hernant spoke, the clearer the once-fuzzy memories became.
I looked at the fireplace, now cold and lifeless, and recalled that time in the past.
Although I now served Hernant as Emperor, as a child I had adored him as a warm older brother.
He was the gentle sibling who never refused my annoying requests to read the same fairytale book over and over.
Perhaps I had loved Hernant because those happy memories had lingered deep in my subconscious.
“…Ha.”
I let out a deep sigh to push down the overwhelming emotions.
As I lowered my head and covered my eyes with a hand, Hernant came closer.
“Yulia?”
“…Why did you change?”
“Hmm?”
I asked again, my voice soaked in sorrow.
“Why did you have to change?”
Why, truly?
If you had remained that kind and gentle boy from the past, I know I would still be in love with you now.
But you changed.
And because you changed, you tried to poison me. Because you changed, you committed cruel experiments using monsters.
The realization was so bitter it felt unbearable.
He paused at my question before slowly speaking again.
“I had to change. I was cursed. Just like the characters in the fairytales I used to read you.”
I lowered my hand and looked at him.
His voice held no trace of a smile as he continued.
“A curse of incompetence.”
“…”
“I have no special powers. That makes me powerless. It’s a curse—one I must fight against for the rest of my life.”
He took another step toward me.
“And to break that curse, I need help.”
“…”
“Even in fairy tales, the prince can’t break the curse alone.”
He stopped just before me.
Then slowly, his head lowered.
He leaned close to my ear and whispered.
“Help me, Yulia. Bring me the monsters. I need them to escape this terrible curse.”
“…”
Hernant was a man who knew how to manipulate hearts.
He knew how to win someone’s favor—and how to break them.
That was why he had brought me to this villa to ask for a favor.
This place, filled with our memories, was the perfect setting to weaken my resolve.
“Will you help me?”
Still the same cunning Hernant, pressing me for an answer.
Wearing that expression that tugged at my heart, in the place that weakened it most.
Instead of answering, I quietly looked around.
I let my eyes sweep over the old house where we used to laugh and play together.
The memories etched into every corner stung.
After a long look, I turned my gaze back to Hernant.
The man standing before me now was so different from the one in my memories.
“You said Your Majesty is cursed?”
He remained silent, listening as I spoke in a trembling voice.
“I cannot lift that curse.”
“…”
“Only you can. Because the curse… is one you placed upon yourself.”
With that, I slowly stepped back.
Putting distance between us, I continued.
“You are not incompetent. You were never cursed. What’s binding you is the curse of your own inferiority complex.”
“…”
“And so, this is not something I can help you with. I sincerely hope you will free yourself from that curse and stop these horrific experiments.”
I pleaded with all my heart.
Because stopping those experiments was the only way to save lives.
But, as expected, Hernant ignored my plea.
“You won’t help me?”
“…”
“You’ve changed, Yulia. You’ve changed far too much.”
He slowly shook his head with a hollow smile.
There was a hint of contempt in his eyes.
Just as I saw a stranger in him, he too had begun to see me as someone unfamiliar.
I could understand that.
After all, I was no longer the girl who had blindly devoted her love to him.
Still watching me as if I were someone unrecognizable, Hernant issued a warning.
“If you truly intend to refuse my request, then leave this place. But remember this—if you walk out now, you will regret today’s decision for the rest of your life.”
I wanted to persuade him to stop the experiments, but this wasn’t a situation where persuasion would work.
He had given me only two choices.
Stay and help him—or leave.
And my choice had already been made.
“…”
Without a word, I bowed slightly and turned toward the exit of the villa.
Hernant said nothing as I walked away.
But his gaze, now as sharp and cold as a blade, followed me.
I pretended not to notice it, until I reached the door and turned back to look at him one last time.
He was still watching me.
“…”
Neither of us said goodbye.
Because we both knew it—our relationship had come to an end. There was no point in saying farewell.
By refusing his request, I had severed our bond completely.
I had no regrets.
And so, I turned and walked away again.
Just as I was about to leave the villa—
“I’ll tell you one last thing.”
Hernant’s voice stopped me in my tracks.
I paused and turned back.
He stared at me with eyes full of wrath and said,
“Don’t think I’ll stop just because you refused me. I already have someone else bringing me monsters.”
“…”
“Someone very close to you.”
As I feared—there really was someone inside the Silver Knights feeding him monsters.
Clenching my fists tightly, I answered him.
“I’ll find them. And I’ll stop them.”
“Sure. I’ll be cheering for you.”
A brief, cruel smile flitted across Hernant’s face.
It was the kind of cruel yet innocent smile a boy might wear while watching a rain-soaked butterfly fall into his hand.
Something about that smile filled me with a terrible sense of foreboding, but I forced myself to ignore it as I left the villa.
The once-clear sky had turned dark with heavy clouds.
* * *
After leaving the villa, I headed to a nearby city.
I needed to find a horse to ride.
Having rejected the Emperor’s request, I could hardly use the imperial carriage.
So I bought a decent horse and rode straight back to the outpost.
By the time I arrived, night had completely fallen.
To my surprise, the commander was still awake at such a late hour.
“Did the conversation go well?”
That was the first thing he asked the moment I stepped into his tent to report my return.
I nodded weakly.
“Yes. His Majesty won’t be approaching me again.”
“Must’ve been a firm rejection, huh?”
“It was. But it wasn’t hard. I’d already made up my mind long ago. It’s just—”
I hesitated briefly, then let out a deep sigh and confessed what was on my mind.
“I found it… sad.”
“Hm?”
“Despite my resentment toward him, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. It seems he carries deep wounds. Is it treasonous to say that?”
The commander chuckled at my question.
He set down the pen he’d been using and stepped closer.
Arms crossed, he towered over me and looked down.
“It’s not treason. But it doesn’t sit well with me.”
“…?”
“To be honest, I’m a pretty petty man. I don’t like the thought of you feeling anything for another man—be it pity or even hatred.”
I blinked in surprise and asked,
“You don’t even want me hating someone else?”
“I want to monopolize all your emotions. If you must hate someone, I’d rather it be me. How’s that for petty?”
I couldn’t deny it and nodded.
“You’re definitely petty. But I don’t want to monopolize your hatred.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Please direct your hatred at someone else. If you came to hate me… I think I’d be really sad.”
In the past, I wouldn’t have cared if he hated me.
I had hated him just as much back then.
But not anymore.
Now that I wanted him—I knew that being hated by him would truly hurt.
