TYBMB 14

Chapter 14 – I Buried Your Corpse With My Own Hands
2024.01.14.

Before I could even calm my heart from the commander’s cold words, he shot at me again with that same icy tone.

“I just forgot for a moment… whose person you really are. That’s all.”

Because we had just fought off monsters together and relied on each other, I’d dared to think that maybe, just maybe, he trusted me a little now.

But he was saying that it was all just my illusion. That he had only forgotten for a moment who I truly was.

“Do you really… still not trust me? Do you truly think I’m not yours?”

“…I’d rather not have to repeat myself.”

“……”

I felt something crumble inside.

Perhaps before the regression, it would’ve been different. But the current commander still saw me as nothing more than a spy sent by the enemy.

Well, it made sense. We hadn’t spent enough time together to build trust yet.

Maybe it would take another five years to fully earn his trust.

Even though I understood that logically, I couldn’t help the sting in my heart.

Unknowingly, my voice came out slightly choked.

“I understand. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I’ll be more careful not to show any undue familiarity toward you from now on.”

“……”

“And though you said I don’t need permission to act freely… As the vice-commander, I can’t execute a mission without at least appearing to follow protocol. Please, allow me to enter the rift.”

He remained silent for a while.

It would’ve taken just one word—go—but he didn’t seem inclined to even say that.

Still, I couldn’t enter the rift without permission, so I stood firm and waited.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem intent on tormenting me by making me stand there indefinitely. His lips finally parted.

“You may go into the rift. If you’re so eager to go die alone in a dangerous place, I have no right to stop you. As long as you don’t do anything that endangers our members, I don’t care.”

“Thank you. I’ll prepare this evening and leave right away. The Baron’s territory isn’t far, and the rift itself isn’t very dangerous. I should be back by morning.”

The commander didn’t say anything more.

Having achieved my goal, I left the tent without lingering.

Time was tight.

I rushed to prepare for deployment and, by evening, departed for the Parmart Baron’s territory.

It rained heavily on the way to Parmart.

It had been unexpected.

Even though I’d returned from five years in the future, I hadn’t memorized the weather for every single day.

By the time I arrived at Rift No. 1 in Parmart, I was thoroughly soaked.

My wet clothes clung to my skin uncomfortably, but I didn’t bother changing.

Time was short, and I’d dry off quickly once I entered the rift anyway.

But I couldn’t enter right away—because just then, a panicked voice called out from behind me.

“Vice-Commander!”

It was Karl’s voice.

Startled, I turned to see Karl dismounting a horse, having clearly ridden hard to get here.

Soaked from the rain like me, he beamed brightly.

He then opened a new-looking umbrella and held it over my head.

“Ah, good. You haven’t gone in yet.”

“Karl? What are you doing here? Did you follow me?”

“I heard you were entering the rift alone again, so I rushed after you. It’s dangerous to go alone. Please let me accompany you.”

“I’d like that, but…”

I couldn’t readily say yes.

The commander’s words still echoed in my mind:

—“You may enter the rift. If you’re so eager to die alone in a dangerous place, I won’t stop you. As long as you don’t do anything that endangers our members, I don’t care.”

He had said he wouldn’t interfere—as long as I didn’t do anything that would “endanger the members.”

Which implied that if I did, he would interfere.

Karl was, without doubt, one of the commander’s people… dragging him along would definitely provoke his wrath.

Even beyond that, I didn’t want to push my subordinate too hard. After some thought, I shook my head.

“Thanks for coming all this way. But I’ll go in alone.”

“What? But—”

“I prefer being alone. This rift doesn’t seem that dangerous anyway.”

“……”

Karl, who usually responded immediately, fell oddly silent.

Only the pounding sound of rain on the umbrella filled the air.

Then, he finally spoke.

“Why do you always try to carry everything by yourself?”

“What?”

“I don’t believe that you’re doing this just because you prefer being alone. You’re afraid of putting others in danger, aren’t you?”

I had no words.

He’d pierced a part of me that even I hadn’t fully understood.

He was right—I didn’t want to risk my loved ones.

That was why, before the regression, when Hernant summoned me to the palace to kill me, I had gone alone.

I hadn’t expected to be poisoned, but I had expected something bad.

To keep others from being caught in the crossfire, I’d gone alone.

It was why I had gone into the rift alone and suffered from a monster’s ice attack.

It was why I had come here alone again.

Because I was a coward—afraid of losing those close to me.

“…You’re right. I’d rather no one else go into the rift. Not you, not Elma… not even the commander.”

“But why go that far—”

“I had a dream.”

Karl’s green eyes wavered slightly.

I looked into those eyes and began to speak.

“In that dream, I lost you. I buried your corpse with my own hands. I stroked your cold cheek and cried… for a long, long time.”

“…Is this the same dream you mentioned before?”

“Yes. It was so vivid… I never want to feel that again. And it wasn’t just you. I lost Elma, too… and in the end, I even lost my own life.”

Before the regression, I had been a complete failure.

I lost comrades while fighting monsters, was betrayed by love, and in the end—I died.

To avoid repeating that past, I needed to grow stronger.

Strong enough to close every rift plaguing the empire.

But Karl didn’t seem to like my resolve.

“You say you never want to feel that sorrow again. But doesn’t that mean you should rely on us more?”

“…?”

“If you keep acting alone in the name of protecting us, and then you’re the one who ends up dying… what do you think will happen to us? Left behind, with no one to protect us?”

Karl reached out.

His hand was so gentle, so cautious—I didn’t even think to pull away.

Only when his fingertips touched my cheek did my shoulders flinch.

“……”

“……”

We’d played around and touched each other’s faces before, but this… this felt different.

His gesture carried a different kind of emotion.

I was flustered—but quickly shook off the thought.

Karl had stood beside me like family. There was no way he’d feel that way about me.

As I was lost in thought, he quietly caressed my cheek and spoke again.

“I wish you’d lean on me more.”

“…But if you come into the rift with me, the commander won’t stay silent. Did you get his permission?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. As soon as I said I wanted to accompany you, he gave permission almost immediately—like he’d been waiting for it.”

“He let you go? Just like that?”

Surprised, I asked again, and Karl nodded.

“He must’ve been worried about you deep down.”

It was unexpected.

The commander’s attitude earlier had been anything but warm.

He had said he didn’t trust me, acted like it didn’t matter if I died.

And yet, he let Karl—one of the order’s key members—follow me without resistance?

“Really? You really got his permission?”

“I told you. Do you want to go back and check?”

“No. Let’s just enter the rift already.”

Karl nodded, and the motion caused the rain on his red hair to drip down his cheek.

For a second, it looked like he was crying—but the thought faded when he smiled brightly.

“Um… I always get nervous entering a rift. Can I… hold your hand?”

“…You really are like a kid sometimes. Just this once.”

“Thank you, Vice-Commander.”

Karl took the hand I offered and held it tightly.

I’d expected it to be cold, but surprisingly, his hand was warm.

Almost hot, even.

Holding that hand, I stepped forward with Karl into the world beyond the rift.