Chapter 9: I Won’t Kill You
2024.01.09
It might’ve been said as a joke, but I couldn’t deny it in that moment.
When I was twenty-five, I loved Ernant. And because of that, I secretly wished for the death of the commander who threatened his position.
But that was the past.
Now, I no longer wished for the commander’s death.
“…I won’t kill you.”
At my response, the commander let out a long sigh.
“I’m not joking. If I lose control under mental manipulation and attack you, you have to be prepared to take me down. If you hesitate, you’ll be the one who dies.”
“…”
“So strike with all your might. Before I take your life.”
Touching words, really. But unfortunately, I was never the kind of subordinate who followed orders well.
Didn’t I fail to endure when he once told me to hold on after I swallowed poison? I ended up closing my eyes anyway.
So I figured I’d rebel a little again this time.
“No.”
“…You really don’t listen, do you?”
“No one would follow such a ridiculous order.”
He put on a stern expression.
It was the same expression he always made when I disobeyed his orders.
With that stern look, he truly lived up to his nickname—“the cold-blooded.”
He approached me, cloaked in that icy aura, one step at a time.
When we were close enough that he could reach out and touch me, his firm lips parted.
“Listen to me. I’m your superior.”
“…”
“I don’t want to see my subordinate die by my hand.”
Despite the coldness on his face, the words that came from his mouth were incredibly tender.
The contrast made me feel both a little sad—and a little affectionate.
So, for the first time, I decided to act a little sweet toward him.
“You don’t need to worry. I’m not weak enough to just die from something like that. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and attack me right now. Let’s see how easily I die.”
“…”
“So stop worrying about nonsense and focus on taking down the Queen.”
Even though I was talking back so brazenly, the commander didn’t scold me.
He just stared intently at my face.
It felt like time had stopped, and we were locked in that gaze for a long moment.
If it weren’t for the sound of a monster, maybe it really would’ve lasted.
Screeeeech…
A chilling noise, like metal being scraped, forced us to flinch away from the door.
The commander glanced briefly at me and then stared toward the room where the monster was.
“Let’s hope your claim about being hard to kill isn’t a lie.”
“No lie. So let’s go take it down.”
At my signal, the commander opened the door.
We’d been concealing our presence up until now, but as soon as we burst into the room, the Queen flinched in surprise and stopped moving.
In that brief moment, I quickly scanned the creature’s appearance and traits.
Just like before my regression, the Queen had a humanoid form.
To be clear, “humanoid” here meant it had a head, limbs, and walked upright like a person.
At a glance, it looked vaguely human because of its silhouette—but its face had no eyes or nose.
Just a grotesquely long, torn mouth.
Noticing the intruders, the Queen suddenly gaped its mouth wide and let out a scream.
Kyaaaaah!!
Inside its gaping mouth were rows of sharp teeth like a shark’s.
Despite its horrifying appearance, my well-trained body had already launched forward toward the monster.
Tap!
My feet pushed off the ground, light and swift as feathers.
This body, made five years younger by regression, felt almost enchanted—it was fast, strong, and agile.
I closed the distance in a flash and swung my sword toward the monster.
But—
Clang—!
Unfortunately, my first strike was blocked by its long, hard claws.
No matter how much force I poured into my blade, its claws didn’t break or even chip.
They must’ve been as strong as metal; all I got was a grating, unpleasant sound where my weapon met its claws.
Scrape—
Seeing the claws remain intact despite my strength, I switched tactics and twisted my sword slightly.
Deflecting its claws downward, I immediately brought my sword back up in a diagonal slash.
A seamless follow-up attack, leaving no room to react.
This time, the monster couldn’t dodge.
Slash—
The tip of my sword sliced through its chest.
If this were a human, it would’ve been a fatal wound, splitting the heart.
But unfortunately, with these humanoid monsters, their core—the “nucleus”—wasn’t always in the left chest.
Sometimes it was in the chest, other times the head, or even the abdomen.
Sure enough, even with a deep cut to the chest, the Queen didn’t die and kept moving.
That meant I had to aim for its head next.
Just as I raised my sword again—
Kyaaaaah!!
The monster screamed again, mouth stretched wide like before.
And at that moment, I got a clear look inside.
And saw something shocking.
“…An eyeball? In its mouth?”
Sure enough, an eyeball was embedded inside.
Back before my regression, I’d been too distracted by the chaos of fighting with other squad members to notice such detail.
This was my first time looking inside its mouth, and I never expected to find something like that.
What kind of anatomy is that…?
The thought barely passed when my vision suddenly swayed and nausea hit me.
“Yulia! Get back!”
While I was fighting, the commander had gathered up his power, likely preparing a powerful strike, and now shouted at me.
I quickly backed away from the monster.
But then he shouted again.
“No! Stay right where you are!”
“…?”
The commander wasn’t one to change orders lightly.
Confused, I looked toward him—but he was gone.
Then his voice rang out from somewhere else.
“Yulia! What are you doing?! Stab yourself in the stomach with your sword now!”
“Kill yourself, Yulia!”
“Drink the poison and die, Yulia!”
I couldn’t see him anywhere, but his voice came from all directions.
And every order he shouted was something the real commander would never say.
It had to be mental manipulation. The monster was attacking my mind with auditory hallucinations.
People like me and the commander, high-level Awakened, didn’t usually succumb to such attacks—but we weren’t completely immune.
If caught off guard, we could still experience hallucinations or delusions.
Like now.
“Die, hurry up and die!”
“D-d-die, die!”
“Die! Die, die—!”
The eerie, distorted voices filled the air.
There was no way I could defeat the monster in this state.
I had to break free of the mental manipulation—there was only one way.
Stab—
I pulled a small dagger from my pocket and lightly stabbed my palm.
The sharp pain snapped my mind back into clarity.
Thanks to the pain, I finally broke free from the status effect and immediately scanned the room.
“Yulia! Get a hold of yourself!”
While I’d been incapacitated, the commander had been fending off the monster alone.
I quickly shouted what I had discovered.
“I’m okay now! But don’t ever look inside that monster’s mouth! There’s an eyeball inside—it triggers the mind control!”
Before regression, I only knew that the monster had psychic powers—I didn’t know how it used them.
Now that I had figured it out, I passed the information on to the commander.
Thankfully, he seemed to understand right away.
Without looking too closely, he swung his halberd and severed one of the monster’s arms.
Then it was my turn.
Crack—!
Ice burst from the ground beneath the monster, impaling its body from all directions.
A normal human would’ve died from that, but not a monster.
To truly kill these humanoid creatures, you had to find and destroy their core.
It looked like the commander was going to take care of that.
Fwoosh—!
Flames shot from the halberd he swung, blazing with pinpoint accuracy toward the monster’s head.
Boom!
Black flames erupted, consuming the monster’s head.
Even after it died, the flames continued to burn its body.
I stared blankly at the scorched corpse, impaled and on fire, and muttered:
“When I was under its influence, I kept hearing your voice, Commander. Telling me to die.”
“…”
“First you said not to die at the door. Then you told me to die. I thought, ‘Wow, he really is inconsistent.’”
“Is this really the time for jokes?”
The commander, with a voice heavy and quiet, grabbed my wrist.
From his expression, anyone could see he was angry.
So I shut my mouth—somewhat sheepishly.






I don’t get why he would be upset?! She did an excellent job!