Chapter 04…
I Hope This Reaches You
“Why do you want to live, Sister?”
I had a little sister, one year younger than me.
She was cheerful, charming, and kind.
That was the kind of girl my sister was.
And that’s exactly why I couldn’t understand what she said that day.
It was a cold winter afternoon in a small, plain hospital room—just the two of us there.
“…What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. I was wondering why you want to live, so I asked.”
“Why…?”
“Hmm? Well… do you think you’re needed?”
I couldn’t even bring myself to ask needed by whom.
For the past few years, I had hardly seen my parents.
They used to tell me they loved me, that they adored me. But now, they said nothing at all.
I suppose they just wanted a normal, happy family.
A daughter who spends all year confined to a hospital room doesn’t fit into that ideal.
That’s probably what they decided.
Eventually, their eyes only ever looked toward my sister, as if I didn’t exist.
When they did come to visit, it was probably just for appearances’ sake.
They would drop off a few books and leave right away.
But I never got tired of reading those books—no matter how many times I read them.
So, I never complained.
“Sis, you’re always reading! You should go outside and play sometimes! Sunbathing or playing tag is way more fun!”
If I’d been born with a body that allowed me to do that, maybe I could’ve learned to enjoy things besides reading too.
My sister was still young.
I understood that much.
But even so, her innocent smile and carefree words sometimes sounded cruel to me.
—Perhaps, I really did love my sister.
I can’t say it for certain because I still don’t know if what I felt back then was truly love or affection.
But at the very least—
“Hff… ah… ngh…”
Eliana’s tears fall onto my forehead.
She’s trying to hold back her sobs—probably out of consideration for those around us.
Despite her youth, Eliana is a duke’s daughter.
There are many burdens she carries, many things she has to shoulder.
And yet, she still has emotions like pain and sorrow.
If things continue like this, Eliana will end up on a path to ruin.
That’s not the future I want for her.
All I’ve ever wanted is to read my books in peace.
That hasn’t changed.
But if someone has to suffer for that, then it’s not right.
And if that someone is Eliana—someone who reminds me so much of myself—then all the more reason.
—Eliana, I want you to be happy.
Eliana, who resembles the girl I used to be, deserves a future where she can smile.
Somehow, I feel that’s the only way to truly save the person I was in my previous life.
Besides, unlike my past self, Eliana hasn’t been abandoned by her parents.
She’s loved—so much that it almost makes me jealous.
And that means she can still be saved.
I reach out my hand toward Eliana with all my strength.
She notices and reaches back toward me.
“Ah…”
Our fingertips brush slightly.
I don’t let that moment slip away.
With my small hand, I gently squeeze her finger.
Her hand is warm and much larger than mine.
“…”
Whether Eliana can walk toward a happy future depends on what happens now.
How can she reach that future?
It’s simple.
She just needs to know that she is loved.
So, I act—by taking her hand.
The warmth of life can only be felt through kindness and touch.
People can change from even the smallest of gestures.
—I hope this reaches you.
Right now, I can’t speak.
That means the only way I can express myself is through action.
—I hope you understand that I’m not your enemy, Eliana.
That I’m on your side.
I prayed, with all my heart, that this small act would guide Eliana toward a happy future.
