Chapter 91
“Yulia.”
A low voice rang sweetly in my ear.
I resented my foolishly honest heart, which reacted violently, pounding hard at that voice.
I wanted to escape, this time, from the shackles of a fate that felt like a dreadful curse—one I had loved until the very moment my heart stopped.
This time, I wanted it to be the last. I wanted to stop this heart that loved him.
“I love you.”
“…….”
“I love you very much, Yulia.”
Chester whispered my name sweetly and spoke words of love that felt like poison.
Why…
Why, of all things…
Why did my firm resolve waver so easily at his words?
I had died because of love even in my previous life. I hated myself—someone who instinctively craved affection even after death, even while living again.
“I… want you to stay by my side, Yulia.”
“…….”
“That promise you made—to be by my side when I came back as a child… Please don’t abandon it.”
His eyes were unbearably sorrowful.
Eyes brimming with desperation.
I could feel that he truly wanted me—clearly so. Not my heart, but my body.
This will be the last time. I won’t see him again.
Starting today, I’ll shake off all regrets and feelings and leave for a place no one can find.
That’s why I couldn’t answer his plea.
“Yulia… I can’t live without you. Please don’t abandon me.”
“……I won’t abandon you.”
I’ll just leave.
Because I want to live the rest of my life without being hurt by anyone, without feeling miserable emotions—quietly and peacefully.
Above all, in this life, I wanted to escape the shadow of death.
I’d nearly died before. I didn’t want to face threats to my life anymore.
I reached out and pulled him closer.
“…….”
Chester stared at me with an unreadable look, then buried his face in my neck.
His hot breath brushed directly against my skin.
His hand slipped between my fingers and fully enveloped mine.
His knee entwined between my legs.
A familiar yet alien sensation—thrilling and numbing, clouding my mind.
Moisture gathered at the corners of my eyes.
“Ah…!”
A heated breath spilled from between my lips.
My body trembled, and my hands tightened on their own.
“Yulia, please… call me by my name.”
“Hngh… Chester…”
“I love you.”
“Ah, Chester…”
“I love you, Yulia.”
His sweet voice echoed in my ears, and ecstasy stormed into my mind, making my body move on its own.
The moon outside the window, once so clear, grew blurry, as if shrouded in fog.
He grasped my ankle with one hand and pressed a kiss to the top of my foot.
As his body slowly pressed inside, my body shuddered.
“Ugh!”
My vision grew dimmer.
My consciousness drifted away as well.
Quietly, slowly, I closed my eyes and exhaled hot breath.
Bright sunlight touched my eyelids, and I opened my eyes at once.
I gently pushed away Chester’s arm, which was wrapped tightly around me. It loosened.
I escaped his embrace more easily than expected.
“…….”
Carefully, I reached out and brushed his cheek with my fingertips.
There wasn’t the slightest twitch in his tightly closed eyes.
He looked deeply asleep.
Now was the perfect chance to escape while he slept—but my feet didn’t move as easily as I thought.
“Chester.”
I whispered his name softly.
From now on, I wouldn’t see him, meet him, or call his name ever again.
So—
This would be the last time.
So that regret wouldn’t hold me back later, making me want to see him again.
Because it’s the last time. Because it’s like a farewell.
That’s how I justified my foolish, lingering actions.
“I loved you.”
I kissed his cheek and got out of bed.
My aching waist protested with every movement.
I put on the dress neatly draped over the chair, changed into my shoes, and quietly left the room.
I went outside the mansion.
Though I didn’t have documents stamped with his seal, I decided it was enough just to return to the Imperial Palace.
“Madam!”
“……Butler?”
The butler hurried over from behind and stopped me as I was about to leave the grounds.
“Please wait a moment. I’ll have the carriage brought out.”
“……Okay.”
If he hadn’t said that, I might really have walked all the way to the palace in my haste just to get outside.
“I’ll prepare it right away.”
“I’ll be in the garden.”
“Yes, madam.”
I turned my steps toward the garden.
A gentle breeze brushed through my hair, scattering it with the wind.
I softly closed my eyes, intoxicated by the fragrant scent of flowers tickling my nose.
As I slowly opened my eyes, I absentmindedly glanced toward the mansion windows.
It was only for a moment, but a human silhouette appeared and disappeared at the window of the room where I had been trapped.
“…….”
It couldn’t be Chester. If it were him, he would have rushed out the moment he saw me outside.
“Madam.”
The butler’s voice soon came from behind. Chester wasn’t there.
“The carriage is ready.”
“……Let’s go.”
I boarded the carriage. I couldn’t bring myself to take my eyes off the Duke of Siegburg’s residence visible through the window.
Once again, regret turned my head.
Only when the mansion grew distant and disappeared from sight did I manage to face forward again.
We arrived at the Imperial Palace.
I had escaped both the fear—and the assumption—that Chester might imprison me again.
Yet for reasons I couldn’t understand, everything felt strange.
“…….”
Above all, the area around my heart felt empty.
As if I had lost my heart entirely.
It felt as though her warmth still lingered vividly on the bed.
I carefully brushed my palm over the place where Yulia had lain.
“I loved you.”
Those words echoed in my mind.
I wondered if Yulia had loved me even knowing the nightmare I had given her.
I had no intention of ever letting her go after she returned—yet in the end, I did.
“Yulia…”
I told the butler to prepare a carriage so she could return to the palace comfortably.
I stared blankly at her walking through the garden outside the window.
I no longer had the right to hold on to her.
All that was left to me was to watch her quietly from afar, from a place she could never see.
“Divorce… is not possible.”
I may not have the right to hold her, but I’m a selfish man… I had no intention of granting the divorce she wanted.
No—more precisely, I never wanted to.
I thought I should let her go, that watching her from afar was all I was allowed—
But I didn’t want to see Yulia smiling like sunshine beside another man.
“…….”
When she suddenly looked this way, I hurriedly hid myself.
Even knowing she couldn’t possibly see me from there, I hid.
After a while, I looked out the window again.
She was no longer in the garden. Judging by the moving carriage, she must have been inside it.
“Yulia, this time I opened a path for you to run away from me… but there won’t be a second time.”
I let her go, knowing everything.
Even knowing that once she left this place, I might never see her again.
If that was her happiness.
I had already made her unhappy once—so this time, I had to help her be happy.
Because she was unhappy because of me in her previous life, this time I had to be the unhappy one.
Someone like me, who once pushed Yulia into despair, had no right to be happy by her side.
“So… run away.”
From someone like me.
From me, who brought you despair.
From me, who killed the people precious to you.
Leave forever.
Go somewhere I can never find you, even if I go mad with longing and try to search for you.
“…But please come back.”
Though you’re turning your back on me and leaving now—
If, by any chance,
If even a little,
Your heart turns back again—please return to my side.
“My feelings will never change. Even after death, I’ll be here waiting for you…”
I’ll stay here alone, waiting for the day your heart returns to me.
Whenever your heart turns back toward me, come back to my side.
I’ll stake anything as the price for your return.
If you want my heart, I’ll give it gladly.
If you want this neck, I’ll gladly offer it.
“…If you tell me to bark like a dog when you return, I will.”
Please… don’t abandon me completely.
Hot tears welled up and overflowed, running down my cheeks and dripping to the floor.
Having endured a week without her, I had realized, painfully, how precious Yulia was.
The thought of facing endless, nightmarish days without her again was horrifying.
“Is this punishment?”
Was seeing her again not a chance, but a sentence?
I still felt as if Yulia’s warmth remained in my body.
Touching her, holding her, calmed my anxious heart.
Even so, I shouldn’t have let things go that far last night.
I knew she would misunderstand even more the moment I gave in to her fatal temptation—yet I did.
All of this was retribution for my own actions.
Still, having to watch her turn away from me from behind was more cruel than I’d imagined.
“I was wrong, Yulia…”
In truth, I should never have loved her. Loving her was a sin beyond my station.
Yet I ended up loving her anyway.
And so, a life without the Yulia I love has become hell.
I am in hell now.
