~CHAPTER 52~
My Dianu.
About what happened recently,
about what I was trying to say,
it seems there was a misunderstanding,
Only after drawing countless lines across the paper did Rision finally fling down his quill pen.
The eloquence of an emperor honed over twenty six years was utterly useless at times like this.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I did not mean that you are lacking or unfit to do this work.
All he had to do was write those three sentences smoothly and convincingly, yet for some reason it felt unbearably difficult.
“…It feels like I am writing my own death sentence.”
As he muttered that with one hand covering his eyes, someone quietly approached and refilled his teacup.
It was the head attendant.
He understood the virtue of silence better than anyone, but that did not mean he lacked tact, and the prepared tea carried a sweeter aroma than usual.
“Thank you.”
Drinking the tea with sugar lifted his mood a little.
As Rision sighed and picked up the quill again, the head attendant, who had been watching him briefly, spoke.
“Your Majesty. May this old man offer one presumptuous word?”
It was extremely rare for the head attendant to speak more than necessary.
Rision turned to him with surprised eyes.
With his hands politely folded and his head bowed, the head attendant said,
“There is a saying that a lovers’ quarrel is no different from war.”
Thinking of Dianu’s retreating figure the last time he saw her, it sounded plausible.
His already gloomy mood plummeted further, and Rision pressed his lips tightly together.
“Whether one wages war or negotiates, if one does not clearly understand why the other party is angry, both sides will only flail uselessly.”
“I already know why she is angry. I wounded a lady’s pride.”
So he simply needed to make it clear that he had no such intention and help restore that wounded pride.
Dianu was a rational person, so if he apologized sincerely, the resentment should not last long.
But the head attendant shook his head.
“There are many forces that move a person. Is pride what moves Lady Dianu Ortensa?”
“When Lady Dianu Ortensa visited the imperial palace before, she asked me for the books Your Majesty often reads.”
“……”
“That was when I realized she is someone special.”
After bowing deeply to Rision, the head attendant quietly stepped back.
Rision stared at the half written letter for a long while before finally rising from his seat.
What moves Dianu?
He felt ashamed that he could not answer that question at once.
But whatever it was, one thing was certain.
He had to find out as soon as possible.
Just one day without seeing her was already this painful, and if such days continued endlessly, he would surely go mad.
* * *
Cold War, Day Two.
The first person Rision asked for help was Elpenlira.
She rushed to the imperial palace the moment she received word, but she made no effort to hide her exasperation as she sat across from him.
“How could you mess things up already?”
Rision covered his face with one hand.
He had never felt so ashamed in front of his younger sister.
“Is Dianu… very angry?”
“Considering she hasn’t mentioned you once in two whole days, I would say so.”
She seemed deeply hurt.
Rision was relieved he had not sent flowers or gifts.
Offering such a perfunctory apology might have only stirred up a hornet’s nest.
“What on earth did you say to make my teacher that angry?”
Fortunately or unfortunately, it seemed the detailed circumstances had not reached Elpenlira.
Letting out a short sigh, Rision summarized what had happened in the east wing of the imperial palace in his own words.
He left out, of course, anything about the Belua Duke and the Aldebaron Baron.
Elpenlira frowned.
“Do you really have no intention of marrying my teacher?”
“…Yes, I know. I was wrong.”
“Why did you refuse so strongly when she said she wanted to help in the first place?”
“Because there is no reason for Dianu to have to do such difficult work.”
If Dianu proved useful in this regard, the likelihood of her becoming a target of those harmed by it would only increase.
But he could not say that much to Elpenlira.
Perhaps because of that, she could not hide her frustration.
“She said she was fine with it.”
When Rision did not respond, suspicion crept onto Elpenlira’s face.
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“……”
“Then I can’t give you any advice. Figure it out yourself.”
It felt like he was supposed to be calming one person’s anger, yet when he came to his senses, two people were upset with him.
After Elpenlira stormed out of the sitting room, Rision groaned and leaned back against the chair.
The head attendant quietly approached and refilled his teacup.
* * *
Cold War, Day Three.
If he went even a little longer without seeing her, he felt he might do something he would regret forever.
Rision abruptly stood up in the middle of his work and headed for Oak Palace.
Dianu happened to be out in the garden.
Hiding at a distance, Rision drank in the sight of her without restraint.
She moved constantly.
With her hands clasped behind her back, she looked up at the sky, observed insects in the grass, and listened to birdsong.
Every so often, as if something had occurred to her, she spoke to Sir Marek Loisen standing beside her.
What were they talking about?
He wanted to listen in.
But if he got any closer, he might be discovered.
And he did not want to face the sight of joy and calm being completely washed from her face the moment she noticed him.
“Your Majesty?”
The one who cautiously addressed him was Viscountess Ornin.
Rision greeted her with a composed expression, as if he had not just been secretly watching a lady.
“It has been a while.”
“Yes……”
The chief lady in waiting glanced toward where Rision’s gaze had been moments earlier, and a subtle expression crossed her face.
Embarrassed, Rision looked away.
“…I simply wished to check whether everything was running smoothly, and whether anything was needed, so I stopped by briefly.”
“Yes. Thanks to Your Majesty’s benevolence, Oak Palace is peaceful.”
“That is a relief.”
“Yes.”
“……”
Rision let out a deep sigh.
“Shall we take a short walk?”
Without a word, Viscountess Ornin took the arm Rision offered.
The two of them began walking in the opposite direction from Dianu and Sir Marek Loisen.
* * *
Dianu Ortensa was born as the eldest daughter of a gentry family in the Erbinjel Grand Duchy.
She had one younger brother, four years her junior.
Lady Ortensa died of a fever when Dianu was eight years old, and that same year, Dianu entered the Sirene Girls School in the capital.
At nineteen, she graduated at the top of her class, having taken thirteen subjects instead of the six required for the final examination.
With a letter of recommendation from the headmistress, she became a private tutor at the Erbinjel Grand Duke’s residence.
Up to this point, it was information Rision had received from Neyron when Dianu was hired.
But Viscountess Ornin now spoke of something Rision was hearing for the first time.
“The reason the Sirene Girls School is so popular among parents with daughters is because its graduates marry well.”
“Marriage… you say?”
“Yes. The headmistress is well connected in high society, and it is said she arranged many matches for her students.”
Before hiring Dianu, Viscountess Ornin had also sought the headmistress’s opinion regarding Dianu’s background and character.
“She said she recommended marriage to Miss Ortensa as well. But Miss Ortensa refused and insisted on becoming a tutor, so as a second best option, she wrote her a recommendation to the Erbinjel household.”
Rision, who had been walking slowly to match Viscountess Ornin’s pace, came to a halt.
“…Did she say why?”
By Rision’s common sense, there was no reason for a marriageable lady to refuse marriage.
And if Dianu had wished it, she could have married a fine gentleman.
Even the university student he had met at the teahouse, who said she attended a neighboring school, still remembered Dianu vividly.
There must have been countless such men.
If she had simply chosen the most suitable and appealing among them, Rision would have lived his entire life without ever knowing of Dianu’s existence.
Just imagining that possibility made his chest ache.
Viscountess Ornin hesitated briefly.
When she finally spoke, Rision understood the reason for that hesitation.
“She said it was because her dowry was insufficient, and she could not have an equal marriage.”
Rision was left speechless.
Viscountess Ornin looked up at him quietly, then lowered her head.
“She is a lady who willingly abandoned lifelong comfort and social recognition because of her own convictions. Simply because she could not be equal to her husband, she chose the life of a tutor over that of a noble lady.”
“……”
“The grace you showed me regarding the late emperor is more than I could ever repay in a lifetime. But this time, I have no advice to give.”
Rision let out a heavy breath.
Gazing into the distance, Viscountess Ornin said,
“It will be difficult.”
* * *
What would Ravelan Arasas have done?
Whenever faced with a difficult problem, Rision often asked himself that question.
Ravelan Arasas was an unusual man.
At a glance, he seemed carefree and frivolous, yet every word he spoke carried weight.
Their mentor had once said that behind the face of a young man lay the wisdom of an old one.
It was deeply regrettable that he could not seek advice in real time from his closest and most trusted friend.
Sir Marek Loisen was right beside him, but asking him for romantic advice would be worse than going into the forest to scream.
If it were Ravelan…….
After much contemplation, Rision arrived at the depressing conclusion that Ravelan would never have ended up in this situation to begin with.
His chest felt tight.
Though the weather had grown quite chilly, Rision deliberately opened the bedroom window.
An equal marriage. An equal relationship.
They were all things Rision could not give Dianu.
It was a cruel paradox.
For Rision to marry Dianu, he would have to pour an overwhelming amount into her unilaterally.
Yet she was precisely the kind of person who had chosen the thorny path of becoming a tutor to avoid such a thing.
Perhaps Dianu’s desperate attempt to help him had been her own way of easing the imbalance in their relationship, even a little.
And he had rejected that effort outright with a single sentence.
“It is not a fitting task for you.”
He could easily imagine how those clumsy words must have sounded to her.
“…Pathetic fool.”
Leaning against the window frame, Rision hurled the insult at himself.
He loved Dianu, yet he had never tried to understand what kind of person she was or what she truly wanted.
It was one sided love.
Without realizing it, he had been practicing the very kind of love he himself had once despised.
