Chapter – 20
The Tiger and the Rabbit (3)
Haewon grew up in the Queen’s Palace, so she often crossed paths with Lee Juwon. But she was always careful and tried not to stand out. To Lee Juwon, the Haewon he usually saw was a girl kneeling quietly, then stepping back with caution.
When Haewon was to be married off to a neighboring country, Lee Juwon summoned her.
“Tell me how much you know about the country you are marrying into.”
In a careful voice, Haewon spoke about the affairs between that country and Mun Country. What surprised Lee Juwon was not her knowledge, but her attitude.
She chose her words so that neither country would feel offended. She wrapped sensitive matters gently and spoke of them beautifully.
She did not show off what she knew, yet Lee Juwon could tell from her words that she was very knowledgeable about history.
She clearly understood the history between the two countries, the problems that had come from it, who was suffering losses and who was gaining profit in current trade, how things might change in ten years, and what she herself should do in that situation.
“When a girl marries, she must devote herself loyally to her husband’s family. But how could she abandon the bonds of heaven? Both families must live in harmony and prosper. So I must always seek the path Heaven grants me.”
From that day until the day before she left for marriage, Lee Juwon called Haewon often and taught her many things.
Haewon was astonishingly intelligent. Whatever he taught, she absorbed as if drawing it in. Not only that, she understood even more beyond it. He had thought he had no fortune with children, but this was an unexpected blessing. He felt satisfied. A wise woman had raised her into someone so bright.
If he had known earlier, he might have married her to a noble within Mun Country.
But the royal marriage between the two nations had already been decided. It could not be undone. So Haewon was married to the Third Prince of the neighboring country.
Her dowry was enormous. The Empress, who was raising the young Crown Prince at the time, could no longer care for Haewon as devotedly as she had when Haewon was young. Feeling sorry, she carefully prepared Haewon’s wedding gifts.
Lee Juwon also granted a large dowry to the first child he had ever grown attached to. Unusually, he even personally saw her off on her journey.
Haewon did not want to marry. Though Lee Juwon saw the pleading in her eyes, begging him not to send her away, he never canceled the marriage. Too much had already been invested in it.
And someone had to marry into that country. Haewon was chosen because her birth mother’s status was low, and because the Empress, having already given birth to the Crown Prince, no longer had reason to protect her.
In many ways, she was suitable to be sent there. She was a princess. Yet she carried the blood of a mother of low status. She had the honor of being raised by the Empress. Yet the Empress had already withdrawn her protection.
Haewon knew this well. She never asked for the marriage to be canceled. She only forced down her fear and dislike.
To the daughter who would go far away and never return, Lee Juwon gave a name.
Haewon.
“Hae” meaning together, and “Won” taken from his own name.
It was the Emperor’s name and should have been avoided out of respect. But she was leaving. On the day she departed, when the Emperor bestowed the name, no one dared object.
Lee Juwon placed a ring on her finger. Inside it was engraved the name Haewon. It had belonged to his own mother. It was given with the hope that she would live well.
Three years later, Haewon died.
Her husband claimed she died from an epidemic.
But Lee Juwon knew the truth.
Haewon’s extravagant husband had taken all of her dowry. He spent it on countless women and luxuries. She endured mistreatment in her in-laws’ house, had nowhere to rest her heart, and suffocated to death.
The spy reported that her cause of death was starvation.
That day, Lee Juwon went to the Queen’s Palace. He heard the Empress say she was heartbroken over Haewon’s death, yet with her hands she carefully selected fabric for the Crown Prince’s clothes. For the first time, he simply turned his back.
Where had it gone wrong? What had been the problem?
For the first time, Lee Juwon thought about it. But at that time, he could not find the answer.
The child he loved most had died a death worse than a beggar’s. Yet he could not show his misery. Officially, Haewon was a child he was not allowed to love because of her low birth. It had to be said she died tragically of disease, so that no trouble would arise between the two nations.
So he said nothing. If he investigated deeply, he would have to admit he had sent spies into another country. The political burden would be enormous.
Just as he barely managed to put aside his grief, two years later a translator studying in that country brought him Haewon’s letter.
Inside were the ring he had given her and a single line.
The handwriting was hers, though weak and trembling.
【My soul has returned with this ring, so Father, please do not grieve or be angry.】
Lee Juwon clutched the letter and wept. He should have killed that son-in-law. He should have torn him to pieces. Only then did he finally bring out the feelings he had buried under the name of Emperor.
But it was already too late. The Third Prince had died of syphilis.
Lee Juwon slightly widened Haewon’s ring and wore it on his little finger. From that time until now, Haewon’s soul had never left his side.
When Haewon died, Lee Juwon was forty. From then on, his family life began to fall apart. Two years after her death, his beloved consort also passed away.
She died after repeatedly entrusting him with their son.
Because of her last requests, Lee Juwon felt like a beast caught in a trap.
The Crown Prince was ten at the time, and even then showed poor character. Though his mother had died, he whined throughout the funeral about how tired he was. Lee Juwon nearly broke his promise to his wife before the funeral was even over.
For thirty-four years after that, Lee Juwon struggled more with this person than with anyone else in his life. And it was absurd that this person was neither the beloved woman he would have given his life for, nor the child who had once moved his heart for the first and last time.
“I always think I’ll treat the people I want to be kind to a little better later.”
Lee Juwon muttered. Perhaps because he was older now, he became drunk more easily.
The Imperial Noble Consort, a woman untouched by time, drank with a clear mind and looked at the man she called husband, though in her heart she thought of him as an elder brother.
Lee Juwon stared at his wine cup, not at her.
“And that little time… none of them endure it. By the time I realized it, I had already lost too much. I knew the moon wanes after it is full, yet I never looked back. That is my sin.”
“……”
“The ones I should have treated well, the ones I wanted to treat well—they were kind. They never blamed me. One day they simply fell like flowers. They say no flower blooms for ten days. What regret would a falling flower have? She lived her life faithfully. But what am I to do with the regrets of the one left behind?”
“Your Majesty.”
His face twisted as if he would cry at any moment. The Imperial Noble Consort thought she must stop him.
An Emperor must not cry. History recorded many emperors shedding tears for various reasons, but that did not make it right.
An Emperor must be cold. It is a virtue required of the ruler of the world.
“I conquered the nation, became master of the realm, was praised as Emperor… And do you know what I learned in the end? A simple and cruel truth. A man has only two hands. If he holds two things, he cannot hold more. If I hold the world, I have only one hand left—for a capable court, loyal ministers, a happy family… I can choose only one. So what I hold now must be what I chose.”
He had never openly declared his choice with words. But through his actions, at countless crossroads, he had always chosen one path over another. In the end, he had selected what his two hands would grasp.
Now, in his later years, he often looked back on his life with regret.
His greatest regret was his wife. What if he had lived happily with her alone? What if he had thrown away the whole world and ignored the fate of the country?
But he could not. At that time, the nation was in crisis, and he was a man of ambition. He would have challenged for the throne regardless.
If he chose to hold the world, then the most important thing was a capable court. Even if he returned to the past, he could not change his choices. Every choice had been the best at that time.
Yet as a result, his wife died looking at him not as a man, but as a tool. Perhaps she hated him. The black blood that flowed from her body—it must have been because of him.
He loved her, but he demanded she become a perfect Empress. She fulfilled that role better than anyone, but she died early. And at the moment of her death, she showed him no attachment.
It was the natural outcome. Even if he went back, nothing would change. If he had chosen his beloved and given up the throne, his brother, who would have become Emperor, might have purged him. And if he fell, his wife would have fallen with him. There had been no other path.
Yet why did he still feel regret?
“Did… Haewon resent me?”
His voice was strained.
The name Haewon had been given by the Emperor himself, and its meaning was lofty. It was the greatest gift to the nameless princess.
Yet in truth, he had rarely called her Haewon while she was alive.
The Imperial Noble Consort rose and embraced him.
“Would someone dying so painfully worry about resentment and secretly send back a ring and a letter? Haewon understood Your Majesty’s heart and was concerned for you. Though you were father and daughter, were you not also close friends?”
At her comfort, Lee Juwon held her tightly. His tears soaked into the precious silk.
